Friday, October 30, 2009

A scarf to call my own!

Can you see how beautiful this scarf is? I am SO very proud of it!! 
it is silky, colorful and handmade, but NOT by me. So why am I proud? 
well, it is a gift, a previous client and now friend of mine gave it to me 
as a Thank You for attending her birth. I was so incredibly touched to 
think that she sat down and knitted this wonderful scarf with me in mind. 
This scarf was actually finished the night before she went into labor and 
gave birth to her little baby boy. 

In my last post I was feeling really down, actually I feel like that 
more often then not these days. There are so many days when I 
feel nothing but sorry for myself and my situation........but then I get 
a gift like this! I mean can you imagine? There would have been nights 
when I was lying on my couch feeling left behind and alone, while at 
the same time someone was carefully knitting me a warm snuggly 
scarf. A scarf she hopes I think of as a "hug" from her and her baby 
when I wear it. How unbelievably thoughtful is that? It just really 
shows me that even on the days we feel most beaten down, most
broken, most alone, there are people out there that care about 
us, that love us, and want us to be happy. 

This was the first time since the birth that I had seen her and her baby. 
I couldn't help but think of how lucky this baby is, a baby born to former 
IFer's, parents who waited for him, parents who will never take their 
role as parents for granted. Needless to say he is very loved, and 
hopefully one day I can look at my babies and feel the same way. 

Our meeting today not only reminded me to feel thankful, but 
it filled me again with hope. I know there is a reason I am on this path,
although I am unsure of what this reason may be. Maybe it's so I too 
never take my role as parent for granted. Maybe it's to better 
understand my clients that have gone down this path. Maybe it's to 
form strong relationships with the others who walk this road. I'm really 
not sure what it is, but I am 100% sure that god would not put me on 
this path to suffer, We are not meant to live a life of misery. 

We are meant to be happy, to live, and to learn. There is something 
we are meant to find on this path, something that will allow us to look 
back and be grateful. I hope I learn what this is sooner rather then 
later, but in the meantime I am going to try and be grateful for what I 
have, for people who are thinking of me even when I don't know it, 
for the people I have connected with here in the blog world, for the 
time I have alone with my husband, for all this and more, I am grateful. 


  1. That is a beautiful scarf! I love love love handmade gifts. They really are from the heart. And living in Canada, it's practical as well! I'm so glad it helped you gain some perspective in all of this. I'm sure your friend would love that.

  2. Love the scarf! Been hectic will email you soon (like this post) for me infertility is complicated and there are many highs and lows, but once I decided that I would be a mother, that I would go to any great length that I would simply never stop until it happened, well it got a little easier, it took the uncertainty away, and it gave me back the power.

    I know that may sound like an odd statement but infertility seemed like a declining staircase, from cycle monitoring to iui to ivf, to fet, to surgeries and down the hole you go till you land at donor egg/surogacy, once i knew that I would go to the end of hole and beyond, well it got a little better....

  3. I love the scarf! <3 that was so sweet of her. I am also thankful I have been chosen to walk down this path, I know I will be a better mother because of it and if not, I would have never met amazingly strong women like yourself. We're in this together, and I'm rooting for you!

  4. That is a pretty scarf and a beautiful sentiment.

  5. The scarf is beautiful, and it is very touching to think that someone else was thinking about you every night while she was working on it. Very touching, indeed!

  6. What a beautiful scarf!! And a great post! I can imagine how touched you were. Handmade gifts have so much meaning.