medicine has not resulted in any major side effects. I can't even really
tell if the headache is a result of the pills or just from being slightly
stressed out. I know I KNOW I'm not supposed to be stressed out
right now, but I am....I can't help it. I didn't even realize I was feeling
stressed until, after a 45min rant about the DMV's website, a careless
motorcyclist and the dishes my husband looked at me and said
"you know, you've been really freaking out about normal everyday
To which I responded:
"Well, maybe if the DMV would have a normal website that didn't
require 18 different links to find the address, or if the motorcyclist
didn't come close to one inch of taking my life or if the dishes didn't
continue to pile up every freakin minute, then maybe I wouldn't stress
out about normal everyday things!"
hummmmm, maybe crankiness is a side effect?
I know my naturopath said it's possible, but I can't really tell, am I
cranky because of the medicine? or am I cranky because all I ever
wanted in my whole life was to be a mother, and now that I've finally
built a life suitable for a child, I am drinking god awful tasting herbs
and downing 44 pills a day instead of getting pregnant? Maybe THAT's
why I'm "freaking" out, maybe THAT's why I am getting stress
Maybe I'm cranky 'cause my birthday is on Monday and instead of
celebrating with family and friends, my R.E. has scheduled a full bladder
ultrasound to be followed by a HSG ultrasound the next day.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! Even if I did want to celebrate with family they
all live in Nova Scotia and most of my friends in Toronto are taking care
of their newborns or sporting their growing pregnant bellies.
Maybe I'm cranky cause I'm a fitness instructor that is now "SCARED"
to exercise. Every time I exercise I start to panic, "am I working out too
hard? Is this why I can't get pregnant?". I know that's completely irrational,
but the fear has put me in quite an exercise slump. That mixed with a
fear of "eating too little" has added about 10 pounds to my 5 foot frame.
And when I DO eat, it HAS to be organic, has to be fertility friendly.
I'm scared to eat, scared not to to eat, I can't just relax and eat a meal.
I'm just tired I think, tired of disappointment, tired of watching others
sail on past us with a bouncing baby in their arms. I'm tired of "freaking"
out, I'm tired of gaining weight, second guessing myself, listening to bad
advice, feeling alone.....I'm tired and I want to feel happy again!