Friday, March 26, 2010


Today was an AMAZING DAY....I think! To me, it was the first time 
in a LONG time that I have felt at peace with myself and those around 
me. Today was the first day of the Yoga Conference, a weekend long 
conference of all things YOGA, which I love. Today was all about 
learning how to heal your body through the Chakra's. I listened to 
every sentence, word, syllable that came out of that teachers mouth, 
especially when she talked about the 2nd Chakra, the channel that 
governs fertility. Of course they all work together, but it was SO nice 
to hear that I could possibly heal MYSELF!! I remember I used to 
believe this, but after all the R.E. appointments and tests ext. I forgot 
that we have this type of power!

Of course I am not silly enough to think that I can fix everything by 
chanting VUMMMM all day long when there is a medical reason for 
our issues, but I believe it can help. Everything just seemed to become
so clear the more she talked, of course blockages can come up in your
body when you ignore somethings and focus on others! One thing I 
found of particular importance is that this Chakra relies heavily on 
community, and in our society community has all but been lost. This
could be the reason for the growing number of menstrual/fertility 
issues. Perhaps this is why we have this urge to blog? I know myself
all of my family lives away, my friends too...I have very few close 
friends in this big city!

This chakra also needs creative arts to thrive, she suggested singing
making art ext. to feed this channel. She even suggested writing a 
love letter to yourself, which I can only see as being VERY hard, but
perhaps healing? Perhaps this will be my next post? If I am brave

Anyway, if you don't think I'm gullible enough yet, it gets worse. 
Immediately after this lecture I went RIGHT to the psychic that 
was down stairs at the conference trade show. I can never resist 
a psychic, especially when I'm feeling slightly optimistic. I probably 
should have quit while I was ahead though cause he really freaked 
me out. 

The very VERY first thing he said to me, before I even said my name 
was "why are you not a mother yet?".....................after about 15 min. 
of crying I finally answered "because I can't be one". He let me know
that I will be a mother and a really good mother, but the problem is
I will never feel complete until I am a mother. He said there may be
a breakthrough in our "treatment" by July and "good news" by 
November. One other freaky thing, he said I am a year passed the time 
I was meant to be a mother!

Now here is a secret, one that I have told NO ONE, only my hubby 
and I know. 2 Christmas's ago I was late for my period, I am 
never late, but there I was 2 weeks late, we thought for sure I was 
pregnant. When AF came It was heavier and more painful then 
ever, we have both always suspected a miscarriage but I never did 
follow up with a doctor. I really did not want to think/talk about it 
again, so I did not, not ever......until today. Perhaps I am one year 
passed the time I was meant to be a mother?

Ok, enough of that, I must just watch TV and veg. for the rest of the 
night. You will be happy to know though, that I will make lots of 
money in my lifetime ;)

Monday, March 22, 2010

Second Opinion

DH and I went to an introductory session at a  Catholic Family Center 
to learn more about NaPro Technology. I had been really excited to 
visit the center as I had heard so much about it, but I think I may have 
made a mistake by attending the introductory session. I spent nearly
an hour an a half learning how to "chart" my cycle, as if I hadn't been 
doing that for the last 2 years!

The session was geared towards those who were trying to have a baby
and those who are also trying to not get pregnant. Clearly this was
not a session for those who have been trying for quite a while. After 
hearing how EASY it is to get pregnant for the 20th time I decided 
to tune out and go to my happy place. I found this session nothing but
frustrating and I am really wondering whether or not this was the 
right place for us. 

We both really want a second opinion from someone, ANYONE that
will not push IVF on us, and we really thought this was it, as they do
not believe in IVF. I am going to think about a follow up session with 
a NaPro practitioner, perhaps we will feel better talking to them 
on a one on one basis. On the plus side my DH learned a lot about 
cervical mucus and the importance of charting. Ever since our R.E.
told him that charting was useless he thought I was wasting my time, 
but he thinks its great now!

In other news, I have been sticking with my new years resolutions 
and going to spin 3 times a week (I know my resolution was 4 times, 
but I'm doing my best). Is it bad that during "hill climbs" I can go 
faster if I picture myself passing groups of pregnant woman?

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

Yoga Classes up for Auction!!!

Hey Everyone, 

I just wanted to let you know that I have donated 2 private yoga classes
to a good cause. As some of you may know, Bonnie of "I can Haz Bebe?"
is raising money for her adoption and has started an Auction. If you would
like to help them out, and win some yoga classes in the process please
check it out here!

I hope you win!

Thursday, March 11, 2010

Just My Luck

AF arrived, I'm done getting upset about it, but that doesn't mean I'm 
finished reeling around in pain every time it happens. Last night I was 
up ALL night with cramps, they didn't go away until about 7am. At this
point I finally fell asleep, only to be woken up at 8am by my cell phone. 
It was my sister in law calling to let me know our cousin had a baby 
through the night. REALLY? WHAT? First of all, who calls someone 
at 8am? and second, who calls someone who can't have a baby to tell 
them that someone else can? That phone call coming after a night of 
pure hell tummy cramps, well, thats just my dumb luck!

Thursday, March 4, 2010

a sperm analysis, a trip, and a winning ticket!

In a nutshell that is what I have been doing over the last few weeks. 
I finally wrangled the results of my hubby's S/A from my R.E. and it 
looks like nothing has changed. Well thats not exactly true, although
the counts are the same, the fragmentation is the same, but abnormal
morphology has gone from 80% to 75%. Although that is a difference
it was not enough to convince my DH that 4 months of clean livin'
has made a lick of difference. 

We told the R.E that we would like to continue with the vitamins and 
try again in 3 months. I've also agreed to meet the surgeon to talk about 
the laproscopy. I'm not sure if this is a good decision, but perhaps it will 
help with conception if Hubby's count continues to get better or give us 
a better chance with IVF. Our R.E. described endo as the Pac Man game, 
like endo is packman and my eggs are the little dots Pac Man eats. I 
know this is not exactly the case, but it scared me :(

Last weekend I visited my sister & nephew in Montreal. We had SO 
much fun, my nephew is sincerely the cutest kid in the world but he
makes my ovaries ache. I called my husband two times to say that I
give up and I want to do IVF ASAP (of course I know this is completely

My sister and I also had a really fun time, it had been ages
since we had been able to "hang out" without our parents there too.
On the last night I was there we went out for WAY too many drinks and 
about 1/2 way though the night I decided reenacted what its like to be 
childless. I made her play the part of me, and I played the part of every 
other woman in my life. It was quite funny and kinda healing to act like 
an insensitive fertile for a little bit. You should try it!!!

While I was away I also won a prize. If any of you have been following
Bonnie & Kyle's Adoption Blog you would have seen that I won the very 
first auction they had!! I was so excited all day you would have though 
I won a trip to Hawaii. I really felt like I won BIG though, what did I
win? custom made cards by Kristen's Kreations. I had this big idea that 
if I won the cards I would ask for birthday cards I could send to my 
clients on their baby's first birthday. All I did was send her my company 
logo and she "kreated" the most beautiful, creative birthday cards I 
have ever seen! 

Thats about it for my update, I have been very busy working on a new
company design. I can not wait to reveal it to you all as soon as it's
finished. And although I haven't been writing as much I have been 
reading everyday!!!