Monday, November 30, 2009

Maybe I'm not doing so well?

A few days ago I had written a very positive post, at least it felt 
positive to me, and it really was exactly how I felt. I know I'm working 
through many emotions so I guess it's normal to feel positive one day 
and like a big piece of garbage the next, but I really enjoyed feeling 
happy for a few days, I guess I should have known it wouldn't last. 

I spent the whole weekend cleaning and rearranging the condo, that 
should have been my first clue that I wasn't handling things quite as 
well as I thought. I'm not the cleanest, neatest person, but suddenly
I had an urge to tear everything off my shelves, pile it in the center of 
my living room, and move ALL my furniture around. I'm only 5 feet 
tall but somehow I managed to move a book self twice my size into 
another room and move my huge kitchen table into the living room. 

By Sunday everything was rearranged, every nook and cranny was
cleaned and there was nothing left to do, no where left to put my 
energy, so I decided to go to spin class. I hadn't been to class in nearly 
two months because I was worried it was effecting my fertility. I 
absolutely love spin, and luckily I made it there just in time for my 
favorite teacher, I don't know how he does it but he always manages
to play the exact music I need to hear. 

Anyway, sometime during the middle of spin class, something 
happened, something shifted in my body. It was almost as if all the 
feelings that were secretly locked down inside me were suddenly 
unleashed. An incredible sense of dread filled every part of my body 
and without warning my eyes filled with tears. I had a strong vision of 
my husband and I playing with a little baby and for the first time it hit 
me that this vision may never become a reality. The feeling was so 
strong that I had to get off my bike and sit in the bathroom to shake 
it off. 

I'm not sure what has changed, but I am feeling really worried about
my future. What happens if these vitamins do not work for my hubby
and our only option becomes IVF or adoption? to tell you the truth
I don't really care how I become a parent, I just want to be one. My
husband feels completely different, At this point he is not ready 
to consider adoption and knows we do not have the money for IVF. 
He would love to be a daddy, but he would also be ok living a child
free life. What will happen to us if we need to make these decisions?

One of my closest friends had a baby on Saturday, the two of us had 
always planned to have children and take maternally leave at the same 
time. Well that didn't exactly happen, this is their second baby and I am 
still childless. I am over the moon happy for them and their 2 little boys, 
but I can't help but feel sorry for myself. I have 2 very close girlfriends 
in the city and both of them have 2 sons that are all a few months apart 
in age. I am feeling more and more disconnected from the world with 
every baby born, although I love my friends and love their squishy little 
babies, I have such a hard time hanging out like we used to. There is 
couple #1 with a 3 year old and a 3 month old, couple #2 with a 3 year 
old and a 2 day old, and couple #3 (us) with nothing. 

I know its not exactly like that, I know we are blessed with a lot, but
when I'm with 2 happy families I feel that way. I know these ladies
read this blog, so I would just like to say that I LOVE YOU & I am very
happy for you. It can just be hard sometimes to feel like life is moving
forward for everyone but me! I hope these negative feelings start to 
fade away soon, I much prefer to feel like there is a reason for all 
this heartache and that one day it will all be revealed to me. 

Saturday, November 28, 2009

How TTC is like giving birth....

I know, I's a terrible analogy on a infertility blog, but birth is 
what I know best. It is true that I have never done it myself, but I have 
spent the last three years of my life watching little ones join our world 
and I learn something new with each and every birth. 

In the last few weeks I have had the honor of attending some of the 
most beautiful, and challenging births I have ever seen. Beautiful
because in the end a child was born, challenging because these births
did not exactly go as planned, both ended in a cesarean birth. In the 
days that followed these births my husband and I have learned that 
we have very little chance of conceiving naturally. These events, along 
with a few days lying on my couch have left me with some time to think 
and reflect on the similarities between these situations. I know it 
sounds odd to compare a woman in labor to a woman trying to 
conceive but let me explain. 

As a doula I often spend my very first meeting with clients preparing
their birth plan, we listen as they tell us how they want their perfect 
birth to play out. By the end of this meeting we usually have a list
of what the soon to be parents will want and need during their labor, 
how they wish to be treated.  At the time of the birth, this piece of 
paper will be handed around to all staff members, OB's, midwives, and
who ever else happens to be in attendance at the birth. This way 
everyone knows how to properly support the laboring mother and 
her wishes, making it easier for her birth to play out exactly as 
she wants it. 

Us infertiles have a plan too, or we did, although not quite as official. 
Many of us planed to meet a nice partner, get married, buy a house and 
have lots of little babies. For most of us, there has been loved ones 
around us, supporting us in these decisions as we move forward with 
our plans. People who listened to us as we gossiped about our first 
date, stood by us at our weddings, drank wine at our house warming. 
Having the love and support of others made it easy for our plans 
to fall into place. 

There is a dark side to making plans though, and we all know it, we 
all know how it felt to learn our best laid plans would no longer be
an option for us. This change of plans can also happen to a woman
during her pregnancy and birth. Often times, the process takes place 
exactly as planned, a woman goes into labor, breaths and moans 
through contractions, pushes with all her might and eventually a baby 
is born. Sometimes though, even with a well thought out birth plan, 
the best education, and the best support, a birth can still take another 

When my clients and I write up these birth plans I let them know that 
there may be times when they need to stray off of this piece of 
paper for the safety of themselves or the baby. I let them know there 
are usually two choices when faced with this change....they can tense 
up and cling to these plans or they can relax and let go. When a couple 
relaxes through a change of events they are better able to ask the 
questions needed to make an informed decision, one they can look 
back on and be proud of, they are also able to breath more oxygen to 
the baby. 

For us it is much the same, we had our plans written out in stone
in our minds, not knowing that these plans will not play out the way 
we see them. If there is anything the last week has shown me, it is
just how off track my plans have gone, and the control freak part 
of my brain has not taken this change very well. In Fact, when faced 
with this change, I did the opposite of what I tell my clients to do. 
I tensed up and I clung to my plans with everything I had, closing 
myself off to any other options, and any other way to seek happiness.

So here I am now, learning how to let go and relax. Learning to ask
the questions needed to make a decision, learning how to breath and 
give oxygen to the baby that is out there somewhere waiting for me. 
I realize now that things are not going to go as planed, and I may never
know why it is happening this way for me, but it is. It is time to write 
a new plan, to be excited about the new path we will be taking. Just
like the births I have seen over the last few weeks, their births may 
have not have been as they envisioned, but if you step back and look 
again, you will see these births were exactly as they were meant 
to be, and every bit as miraculous. 

Quite often we do not know why a birth has gone off track until the 
baby is safety on its way to the mothers arms. We like to tell our 
clients that babies are smarter then we think, and know more then we 
do about birth. We tell them this because we believe it to be true, in 
the case of a planed vaginal birth that makes its way to a cesarean, we 
may notice that baby had the cord wrapped around parts of its body, 
or may be in a funny position and thats why they decided not to make 
its way down. Baby knew the best way to be born, and told us this 
though a series of plan changing events that lead to it's birth. 

I am beginning to wonder if this is not the same for us, if our babies
know the best time to be conceived, or the best way to be brought into 
our family. Perhaps they are out there, smarter then we think and with 
the wisdom to know more then we do about building our family. Maybe 
they are letting us know, through a series of plan changing events, what 
it is we need to do or learn before they can arrive. Maybe baby has plans 
of his or her own and we will not know until they are safety in our arms 
why they took so long to get to us. 

For many of us this way of family planning was not our first choice, 
just as a cesarean birth was not the first choice for my clients. In the 
end, it did not matter how these baby's came to them, what mattered is 
that they chose to relax, they asked questions, they made the right 
decisions for them, and became parents. I hope that in time, for all of 
us, there will be a day we can step back and see the beauty and triumph 
in the change of plans. To see our baby for the first time and trust in 
their plan for us and honor their decision to arrive at the perfect time
for them.  

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

The Dreaded R.E. appointment.

Well, its all over, like the quick removal of a band aid, stings at first, 
but at least it's over with. I cried only 3 times during the appointment, 
which I think is pretty good considering it felt like my whole future 
was riding on the words that were coming out of his mouth. I was 
also slightly more emotional because of my dear friend AF, so the fact 
that my tears were barely noticeable to anyone but myself is quite a 
victory, if I do say so myself. "never let them see you cry!" I like to say :)

So was this a good news kinda meeting? I guess it depends on how you 
look at it. Turns out that I might be just fine, all of my tests have come 
back normal....except for the CA125, the test that shows the possibility 
of endometriosis. That test came back high/normal, so he would like
to see me have the laproscopy, and has already scheduled a time and 
a place (at least he's efficient). I'm not really sure I am comfortable 
with this surgery, but I'm not sure why.....I think I will spend the next
2 weeks researching this surgery before I have the meeting with the 

For those of you out in the blog world that have already been in this 
situation, have you had the surgery? were there any side effects? 
regrets? do you feel the surgery was relatively non evasive and 
worth it? my R.E. said there was no chance it would cause scar but I 
have read conflicting information. 

The issue with our infertility turns out to be male factor. I have not 
read up on any of this information yet, I ran right home to write in 
my blog first (you gals are the first to know!!!). Here are the 3 reasons 
for my invisible tears:

1. Lowish sperm count 1/14 million 

2. 78% abnormal acrosome - so sperm cannot "drill" into an egg
    for fertilization

3. DNA fragmentation, 38% damaged sperm

All three of those findings put together equal a "very low chance
of conceiving naturally". R.E. believes that the sperm issues could be 
environmental so he has put hubby on Male Fertility Supplements. 
3 months from now we will check his swimmers again, if nothing 
has changed and the problem turns out to be genetic, the only 
way we will be able to have a baby is through IVF :(

So there ya go, good or bad news, depending on how you look at it, 
to be quite honest I feel better at least knowing what were up 
against. Surprisingly hubby seems to be ok with the results, he is 
happy that I can calm down a bit and get back into my normal 
routine, knowing that I'm healthy. I think he's been worried about
my sanity for the last year or so! perhaps he's putting up a brave 
front, but I'm glad he's at least keeping me optimistic for now. 

I guess that's it for my posting today, I am not happy or sad, just
kinda.....I dunno, in shock? At least I won't have to be taking 
those fertility teas for a while, that's kinda good news!! 

Monday, November 23, 2009

Hello Cramps, why am I not surprised?

I'm feeling those familiar twinges in my belly today, the slight 
ache in my back and weak legs. I know what this means, AF will be 
here soon, and more then likely will be here at full force by tomorrow 
afternoon. If I'm super lucky, she will be here just in time for our 
appointment with the R.E! yup, at the exact same moment he tells us 
us why we are not getting pregnant, I will also be experiencing the 
emotional peak of AF.......thats going to be messy, for everyone 

As I have said before in a few of my postings I am terrified to hear
the results of my tests, but on the other hand, it will be nice to 
know what's going on, and what to do next. My hubby and I already 
have a plan of action, We will listen to what he has to say, I will 
take great notes (he will secretly record), and we will tell him that we 
will need some time to think about things before moving on to any 
treatments. My naturopath will then be sent the test results and we 
will see if there is anything she can do before we move on to the more 
medical side of the tracks. 

My biggest fear is how the information will be relayed to me, I 
worry that he will make me feel impatient, insisting that unless I act 
fast, I will never be a mother. I worry he will use fear as a tactic to 
move us into more aggressive (pricey) forms of treatment. In my job I 
see doctors use fear as a tactic, as a way to get clients to be co-operative. 
I don't want to fall into that trap, but I know that I am the perfect target, 
I'm scared and I want someone, ANYONE, to make me feel safe again. 

Ok, enough of that, I'm starting to panic,  lets talk about something 
happy! Yes, I am sad that this cycle was not "the cycle", I really felt 
like I had a good chance. I would however, like to talk about some 
really wonderful things that DID happen over a month of accupunture 
and herbal teas:

1. Much Better Cervical Mucus (lots & lots)

2. Higher temperature spike & higher temperatures in general!

3. Longer luteal phase!! thats RIGHT, Usually I ovulate on CD17 or 18 
and start spotting by CD25ish, with a full blown AF by CD27. This 
month I ovulated on CD17 and did not start spotting until CD28.....
not perfect, but much better. 

Thank you Laurie for showing me that there was also some good
that came out of this cycle, even if it did not lead to a baby, and 
thanks for reading (I know your out there!)

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Wine or Couch? or both?

Another Saturday night is here and all I feel like doing is sitting on 
my couch and watching TV. I remember a time when I would consider
it a sin to stay home and watch TV on a Saturday night, but these days
it's all I want to do. Of corse there was also a time when I used to love 
staying in on Saturday nights, back when hubby and I first met. During 
the "honeymoon" stage we had gotten into the habit of cooking a big 
elaborate meal while drinking a few bottles of wine. Usually he did 
most of the cooking and I did most of the drinking but we were happy 
hidden away in our little kitchen, eating and drinking the night away. 

Eventually our friends tracked us down and made us join the social 
scene once more. We continued to enjoy good food and wine, but now 
we did it in the company of good friends. I have to say, I also loved
these Saturday nights. 

Now Saturday nights are totally different. Most of our friends have had 
children, packed their bags and moved to the suburbs. There are still a 
few that remain and we do manage to get out with them, but most of the 
time my heart is just not in it. 

It's not that I'm a debbie downer (or maybe it is) but I feel like I have 
to schedule my outings around my cycle. There is nothing worse
then going out during the 2ww and having to explain why I, the lover
of all things alcoholic, have refused a drink with my meal. Then I have 
to watch them listen to my "I'm taking this flu medication....."
excuse, even though I know in their heads they believe I am hiding
a growing bundle of joy. 

Besides that awkward dinner table conversation, I find it quite
boring to sit at a dinner table while everyone else is drinking and I'm 
just sitting there in limbo........not pregnant, but also not drinking,
just in case! 

This is where I am right now, at the very end of 2ww, and we have
been asked out to a dinner party. I am feeling the regular signs of AF, 
you know, the ones that can easily be mistaken with signs of pregnancy. 
Sore boobs, tiredness, slight spotting (could be implantation? right?...

These friends love wine, so much so, that I'm sure their condo has more 
wine then it does food. I know they would not allow me to spend the 
night refusing their wine without a really good excuse, and I don't think 
the medication lie is going to cut it this time. Even if it did, do I really 
want to sit at a table internally examining all the little twinges and 
aches in my body for signs of pregnancy while everyone else finishes 
off a case of wine? 

What I would LOVE to do is spend the night drinking wine and cooking
with my hubby, the way we used to do, but then I run into the same 
problem. What If I am pregnant? what If I drink all night and realize
that these AF signs were actually pregnancy signs? I usually never drink
during the 2ww, or drink at all now for that matter. I also don't drink
coffee, certain teas, eat sugar, wheat, milk ext. I've become a walking
ball of paranoia. 

I'm beginning to feel paralyzed by my IF. I can't seem to do anything 
without thinking of fertility or the effects what I'm eating/drinking has
on fertility. My couch seems to be the safest place for me. It doesn't 
judge me for not drinking, and it doesn't judge me for sitting crying all 
day when AF arrives and I realize I refused all that yummy wine for NO 
#%#&&#$ reason again! It just accepts that I am slowly loosing my 
mind and in the process alienating my self from the rest of the world.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bye Bye Herbs!!

Today is CD23, which means I get to say goodbye to the really yucky 
herbs! I still have to continue with the semi yucky herbs, but 
the herbs you see in this picture....are all gone!! now it's up to me
and my body to do what it has to do for the rest of my 2ww. 

I did notice today that I have tiny little red bumps on my chest, 
I have no idea what that means, but you know what happens in 
the 2ww, anything and everything becomes a possible sign of 
pregnancy. So do you guys know? is tiny red bumps on ones
chest a sign of pregnancy?

One week from today we go to the R.E. to get the results of all the 
testing we have done for the last two months. Up until today I wasn't
too worried, but just recently I'm starting to feel sick when I think
about it. I have no idea what he's going to say to us, and I keep 
picturing my biggest fears coming to life. 

I'm really not sure what I'm most scared of, would it be him 
telling us that there it's not possible for us to have children, 
or him telling us there is no reason for our infertility, that its 
unexplained and untreatable. I really just don't know how I would 
react to either of these possibilities, but even just typing the words
has brought me to tears. 

I also worry that he lets us know who's "fault" this is (not that we think 
about it that way, but maybe that would change if we knew for sure).
I can handle it being my fault, I really can. I'm willing to take the steps 
necessary to fix it, whatever it takes, I'll do it, but my hubby may not 
feel that way. He's always had this "if it's meant to happen, it will" type
of attitude, which hasn't helped us much these days. Will his ego be able
to take this diagnosis? will he be willing to take vitamins, try herbs, do 
accupunture, try an IUI? I'm not so sure he wants this as badly as I do. 

I know this post sounds terribly negative and I do not mean it to 
feel this way but this blog is the only place I can really voice
my anger and fear. I do, however, realize that things are not that bad
for me, I have not been trying for that long compared to the other 
blogs that I am reading, and I have certainly not endured all the 
heart-ache that they have endured. 

Just recently there has been some bad news on the postings and I just 
want to say to "can I get some sugar" That I'm so sorry you are going 
through all this. If there is anyone deserves some good news right now 
it's her. She has been extremely helpful for me in my journey and has 
always left me wonderful comments, she was also the first person to 
"follow" my blog. I wish her as much peace as possible over the next 
few days.

Sunday, November 15, 2009!

I just wrote the longest post ever about my last few days
and why I am exhausted and then BLOOP, I pressed a button 
and it all was gone. I was lucky to even get the first posting
out, so I don't think I'll have the energy to type it all out 

The just of it is this: 2 births, 4 days, very little sleep! One 
was a 30hour home birth and the other was a slightly 
shorter 24hour hospital birth, but hey, who's counting? 
I visited the little bundles of joy today, they were both 
girls, everyone is doing very well!

This week I have two more clients due, so it doesn't look 
like I will be sleeping very well in the future (and yes I am 
aware of how silly it is to be blogging instead of sleeping).
I do not normally take this many clients but a doula 
co-worker of mine is pregnant with twins and is on bed 
rest so I'm will be taking on some of her clients. 

Normally I don't mind this lack of sleep, I am actually 
pretty good with it, but for the last few months its been 
hitting me a lot harder. Emotionally I am just tired to 
begin with, The stress of TRYING to have a baby, the 
scheduled BD, the 2ww, and the unavoidable 
disappointment is all starting to get to me. This stress
seems to double when you add lack of sleep to the mix. 

I have been working really hard this month, doing everything
I can to give us the best chance this month, but now that 
were in the 2ww I am not getting any sleep. Is this ruining 
my chances of conceiving? what kind of damage can missing
a night or two of sleeping do? am I going to have to quit 
everything I do and everything I love to just sit on my bed
and wait for a baby to grow?

I was really excited and optimistic about this cycle but now 
that I'm in the 2ww I am worried that these nights of no
sleep have screwed everything up. However, my sister in law told
me that all I need to do to get pregnant is to sit on a bed where
a woman has just given birth (ahhh, I love advice) its supposed
to be good luck, or trigger hormones or something. Who knows?
Maybe she's right, maybe it won't matter that I haven't slept 
because instead I have been on/near/in beds fresh with the 
new baby smell :) 

Before I go to bed I do want to comment on all the BFP that are 
popping up on the blogs these days. I really couldn't be happier 
for everyone and I think about you guys all the time! It's
funny, when someone I know gets pregnant I cry for three 
days, but when I hear a BFP here, I am over the moon!!
You give us all hope ladies, and I'm praying for you!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Mucus Monster

My sister asked me today how my cervical mucus was this month, 
I let her know that it was great, in fact, there was so much that I felt 
like a Mucus Monster. She loved my new name so much that she 
demanded I use it for the title of my next post. So there it is, I'm a 
Mucus Monster, not really a nick name I want to stick, but I'm pretty 
proud of myself. 

I drank the herb teas all month, I did yoga, accupunture, chiropractic 
work, and it looks like all this hard work may have paid off in mucus,
lots and lotsa mucus! At first when the instructions for my treatment 
told me to switch teas at "peak" cervical mucus I thought "I will never 
know when to switch teas, I never see mucus!!" I was actually really
worried, I mean, I have heard of this magical mucus but have 
only seen it a few times. This month I had 4 days or really lovely, 
wonderful mucus. Thank you teas!!! 

Its now CD17, according to my tests and temperatures I ovulated 
today! so far all is going well, I even felt like the little smily face on my 
OPK test smiled a little brighter this month. I guess you can say I am 
feeling optimistic about this cycle, as always, but at least this month I 
have seen some improvements in my temperatures and cervical mucus. 

I said the word mucus 9 times in this little post :)

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

pouring salt water on my wounds

Today is tuesday, every Tuesday I teach a Baby & Me Aquafit class. 
In this class, babies are put into little floatation rings and play 
with toys while their mommies get a work out. Its a super cute class, 
sometimes too cute, but I like it. 

Today though, just before class I bumped into a father who attended 
my Hypnosis for Childbirth class with his wife. He let me know they had 
a wonderful, easy homebirth just as they had planed and then he asked 
me how MY pregnancy was going. WHAATT?? news to me!! 
I was kinda stunned silent and really had no Idea what to say other then, 
"Nope, no baby yet!" with a fake I really truly believed it 
would be any day now! 

He really was quite confused, he looked me up and down and 
said "oh, thought I heard through the grapevine that you 
were expecting!". Yeah right! I could see the sweat beginning to bead 
on his temples! In a desperate attempt to allay this situation and put 
him out of his misery, I made up this whole elaborate story about 
my boss getting wind that my husband and I were going to START 
trying soon, so thats what he must of heard "through the grapevine". 
I thought that was better then:

"oh no, no, I am not pregnant, I have been trying and trying but can't seem
to get it right.  What you see there is 10+ extra pounds of fat because 
I'm too scared to exercise and knock a potential embryo off my uterine


Monday, November 9, 2009

My Birthday - Part 2

I had my birthday do-over on the weekend, it was LOVELY. 
My husband made me a wonderful breakfast with hash-browns, 
beans, eggs, toast, sausage AND coffee, mmmmmmmmm!
Then I dragged my full belly  up to my favorite yoga class, this was the 
first time In a long time that I did a whole yoga class without thinking 
of the fertility benefits, I just did the class and enjoyed it! At one point 
I wanted to run up to the front of the room and hug the teacher for such 
a wonderful class. 

My husband picked me up after class (my efforts to get him to TRY the 
class had gone to waste) and as a surprise he bought me a 5 class pass!
Now I can go to the class for 5 more saturdays, my birthday will live 
on :) 

After yoga was the clay cafe, where you go to pick up a piece of 
pottery and paint it however you like. My hubby finished his mug in 
about 20min and was ready to go, but over 2 hours later I was still 
working on mine. The store actually closed and I was yet to finish my
plate. I will be picking his fired piece next week, but I will have to go 
in again to finish mine....I will send pics!

Next stop was McD's for my yearly Big Mac....totally worth the wait, 
man I love me a Big Mac! mmmmm, and the fries aren't so bad either. 
I would go more then once a year, but I have a slightly addictive 
personality, and if I let myself I would eat there everyday. There was
even a time when I did....the results were NOT pretty!

Overall it was an awesome day, if only EVERY day was a day I could do 
exactly what I wanted. What a wonderful world it would be...for me!
I hardly ever thought about my infertility issues, well maybe once
when there were a bunch of kids at the clay store and one little boy 
invited me to his birthday party.

Now it's monday and I'm back to the grind, I'm writing this blog to
avoid folding the laundry and getting ready for work. My cell phone is 
sitting right next to me in case I get "the call" I've got 2 woman due this 
week, and one of them is doing everything they can to get baby movin'.
I'm also dreaming up what we could possibly have for supper, I got 
the groceries, but for some reason there is nothing to eat. I'm drinking
a yucky herb tea, doing some paper work and answering some backed
up e-mails. Yup, back to the grind.....bye bye birthday, see you next
year.....but I gotta tell you, I DON'T know what I will do if my next 
birthday comes and there is still no baby!

Friday, November 6, 2009

It's CD12, where is my cervical mucus!!

It's CD 12, and according to my chinese medicine treatment I should 
have noticed egg white cervical mucus two days ago. In my directions 
is says that on CD10 I should change from my discusting follicular 
phase herb tea's, to a probably equally disgusting ovulation phase tea.
The only problem is, the directions say not to switch to these new 
herbs until I see "PEAK" cervical mucus, and so far I've got nadda! 
What if I don't have any mucus this month? when do I switch over?
I think I will give it one more day and then move on, I mean, there
is only so long I can wait for mucus ;)

The next round of herbs/teas are meant to create healthy ovulation
and development of a well functioning corpus luteum!! That's kinda
exciting, knowing that statistically I have a better chance of conceiving
now that I've had the HSG is exciting too. I have been eating really 
well, doing lots of yoga and have had 3 accupunture sessions and 
2 chiropractic sessions so far this cycle. I am really beginning to 
feel like TTC is some weird part time job I have picked up but I 
hope that all the tea boiling, herb taking, and body work are going 
to pay off. I am actually really excited to BD and have that first on 
my agenda for my birthday do-over tomorrow!

THATS RIGHT, tomorrow is my 31st birthday do-over (as long as no 
one goes into labor). I'm going to sleep in, have a nice big english 
style breakfast, go to yoga, paint some pottery, then if all goes well 
hubby will take me out to a fancy supper at McD's. I know that a big 
mac and large fries are not exactly fertility friendly, but I treat myself 
to it once a year! mmm (don't judge me :)

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

My Happy Birthday HSG!

Yesterday was my 31st birthday, and I just wasn't "feelin' it"
usually I am a big believer in birthday parties with balloons, cake,
and the whole mess, but not this year. I can't really put my finger
on why I felt this way, but It really just did NOT feel like a birthday. 

I think it all started when I woke up with a pounding sinus headache,
then instead of sitting down with a nice cup of birthday coffee, sat down
to a big steaming cup of the worst tasting herbs ever! Really, they are
disgusting, I can't even describe it in a way that would do it justice. 
So after choking down the herbs I had to take my antibiotics, drink 
5 glasses of water and head to the clinic for a full bladder ultrasound. 

Then it was time for work, which I love...most of the time, I really 
should have known better then to teach back to back pre/postnatal 
fitness classes on my 31st birthday after a trip to the fertility clinic. 
The first class I teach is full of newborns so it's hard to stay too grumpy 
for too long cause they are so FREAKIN cute, but somedays it's hard 
not to bursting into tears and run out of the room. The prenatal class 
is usually a bit easier because the baby cuteness is hidden behind a big 
pregnant belly, but I could still end up crying most days, depending on 
my mood. They did bring me some fudge as a b-day gift, so again....hard 
to be grumpy for too long.

Things did get better after I got home from work though, my husband 
had dinner ready for us and there was a BIG bouquet of flowers on the 
table. So sweet he is, but despite his best efforts, I still wasn't feeling it. 
I guess with the events of the day and the looming HSG, I just couldn't 
get into it. I requested a Birthday "Do over" for the weekend and hubby

This morning was my HSG, it wasn't so bad, it hurt a lot but only 
for a few minutes and wasn't any worse then my period. I would 
like to send a shout out to all of you who told me to take 2 advil 
before the procedure, I think it really helped. Blogging is good :)
While I was there I asked the Dr. If she had seen the water get
through my fallopian tubes, she said everything was perfect....I got 
the "best tube" award for the day. It was still only early but, I'll
take what I can get, the "best tube" award is a very good belated
b-day present.