Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Bye Bye Herbs!!

Today is CD23, which means I get to say goodbye to the really yucky 
herbs! I still have to continue with the semi yucky herbs, but 
the herbs you see in this picture....are all gone!! now it's up to me
and my body to do what it has to do for the rest of my 2ww. 

I did notice today that I have tiny little red bumps on my chest, 
I have no idea what that means, but you know what happens in 
the 2ww, anything and everything becomes a possible sign of 
pregnancy. So do you guys know? is tiny red bumps on ones
chest a sign of pregnancy?

One week from today we go to the R.E. to get the results of all the 
testing we have done for the last two months. Up until today I wasn't
too worried, but just recently I'm starting to feel sick when I think
about it. I have no idea what he's going to say to us, and I keep 
picturing my biggest fears coming to life. 

I'm really not sure what I'm most scared of, would it be him 
telling us that there it's not possible for us to have children, 
or him telling us there is no reason for our infertility, that its 
unexplained and untreatable. I really just don't know how I would 
react to either of these possibilities, but even just typing the words
has brought me to tears. 

I also worry that he lets us know who's "fault" this is (not that we think 
about it that way, but maybe that would change if we knew for sure).
I can handle it being my fault, I really can. I'm willing to take the steps 
necessary to fix it, whatever it takes, I'll do it, but my hubby may not 
feel that way. He's always had this "if it's meant to happen, it will" type
of attitude, which hasn't helped us much these days. Will his ego be able
to take this diagnosis? will he be willing to take vitamins, try herbs, do 
accupunture, try an IUI? I'm not so sure he wants this as badly as I do. 

I know this post sounds terribly negative and I do not mean it to 
feel this way but this blog is the only place I can really voice
my anger and fear. I do, however, realize that things are not that bad
for me, I have not been trying for that long compared to the other 
blogs that I am reading, and I have certainly not endured all the 
heart-ache that they have endured. 

Just recently there has been some bad news on the postings and I just 
want to say to "can I get some sugar" That I'm so sorry you are going 
through all this. If there is anyone deserves some good news right now 
it's her. She has been extremely helpful for me in my journey and has 
always left me wonderful comments, she was also the first person to 
"follow" my blog. I wish her as much peace as possible over the next 
few days.


  1. I'm so glad that you found my blog - and I'm even happier that we can connect! The 'waiting game' - the 2wws, the waiting to hear back from doctors, etc. is so draining. I hope that when you see the RE, you get some answers - I hope you'll share them when you do - know I'm here for support!!

  2. I'm glad that you get the results soon, the emotions from knowing what is wrong (or the "nothing is wrong") diagnosis's are scarey, totally legit to wonder and worry about what will be the result.
    AND just an FYI, the docs almost almost NEVER say "you can never have children", I've never even been told that, they say, you can have a child, but you have to do ivf, donor egg/sperm, surrogacy, there is always an option.

    Getting the "who's fault" news is emotional, whoever is "at fault" will go through hard emotions knowing that they are the reason for the problem, but, the only thing to keep in mind is you (and your hubbie) are so not alone, we are out there to hold you up when you need a hand.