Today is CD23, which means I get to say goodbye to the really yucky
herbs! I still have to continue with the semi yucky herbs, but
the herbs you see in this picture....are all gone!! now it's up to me
and my body to do what it has to do for the rest of my 2ww.
I did notice today that I have tiny little red bumps on my chest,
I have no idea what that means, but you know what happens in
the 2ww, anything and everything becomes a possible sign of
pregnancy. So do you guys know? is tiny red bumps on ones
chest a sign of pregnancy?
One week from today we go to the R.E. to get the results of all the
testing we have done for the last two months. Up until today I wasn't
too worried, but just recently I'm starting to feel sick when I think
about it. I have no idea what he's going to say to us, and I keep
picturing my biggest fears coming to life.
I'm really not sure what I'm most scared of, would it be him
telling us that there it's not possible for us to have children,
or him telling us there is no reason for our infertility, that its
unexplained and untreatable. I really just don't know how I would
react to either of these possibilities, but even just typing the words
has brought me to tears.
I also worry that he lets us know who's "fault" this is (not that we think
about it that way, but maybe that would change if we knew for sure).
I can handle it being my fault, I really can. I'm willing to take the steps
necessary to fix it, whatever it takes, I'll do it, but my hubby may not
feel that way. He's always had this "if it's meant to happen, it will" type
of attitude, which hasn't helped us much these days. Will his ego be able
to take this diagnosis? will he be willing to take vitamins, try herbs, do
accupunture, try an IUI? I'm not so sure he wants this as badly as I do.
I know this post sounds terribly negative and I do not mean it to
feel this way but this blog is the only place I can really voice
my anger and fear. I do, however, realize that things are not that bad
for me, I have not been trying for that long compared to the other
blogs that I am reading, and I have certainly not endured all the
heart-ache that they have endured.
Just recently there has been some bad news on the postings and I just
through all this. If there is anyone deserves some good news right now
it's her. She has been extremely helpful for me in my journey and has
always left me wonderful comments, she was also the first person to
"follow" my blog. I wish her as much peace as possible over the next