Thursday, April 22, 2010

Comments That Cut Right Through!!

Here are 2 comments I heard today from friends who know about
our situation:

"I'm getting the snip snip next week, can't have any more "oopsies"
and knowing our luck......"

"If someone even SAYS the word sperm I get pregnant"

My tongue is raw from biting it!!

I also received a baby shower invite...It must be my lucky day!!!
I will have to spend the next few days thinking about how I will 
respond. This particular couple is on my Hubby's side and got married 
in August. I generally really like baby showers, I have thrown about 
20 of them, but to be honest I am SO over it. 

Of course you all know the feelings that surround a baby shower invite, 
it kills me that I can't seem to be happy for others. I sometimes have
thoughts that because I have turned my back on so many fertile 
friends that when it IS my time to have a baby, there will be no one left
to be happy for me. Why should they be? After all, I wasn't happy 
for them.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

You Gals are the VERY bestest!!

I just want to thank you all so much for writing on my last 
post, I was in such a slump yesterday.......Turns out, all 
I needed was some encouraging words and a LATTE!! 
everything looks better after a Latte ;)

Ok, so I guess its not that easy, I kinda move up and down 
between feeling really good and really bad. This is something 
I know I need to work on, but sometimes its so great to know 
that I am not alone in feeling this way!

So, once again proving that I will try ANYTHING to get 
pregnant, I went to see an energy healer today!! I am not sure 
exactly what she did but she asked me LOTS of questions and 
received answers from my muscles. This helped her locate 
where I had energy blocks and worked on fixing them. 

She also found out during our session that my Husband has 
energy blocks that are preventing him from parenting, mainly 
lack of confidence. She asked him (somehow) if we could 
channel his energy's through me and fix them. He said yes :) 
to everything but working on his emotions. She seems to 
think we cleared a lot of stuff up in his energies, but would 
like to do more work with him in person!!! 

Oh dear, now how do I convince him that his energies
agreed to this without his conscious permission? ha....
Either way, myself, my hubby, or my hubby's energies have 
another appointment in 3 weeks!! thats when my muscles 
said we needed to see her again, oh god, what have I 
gotten myself into? 

Monday, April 19, 2010

Something is Just Not Right

I started off this month SO well, I had been doing yoga everyday, 
meditating everyday, and really just feeling GOOD for the first time in
a long time. Then last week I ended up attending the births of 3 little
babies, mind you two of them were twins but I still missed at least
2 nights of sleep. I tried to meditate, I really did, but when your at a 
hospital for 24 hours + at a time, I'm lucky if I even eat. 

Since those sleepless nights I have just not felt the same, I still get 
up to meditate but its not lifting my spirits like it did. I feel uneasy, 
anxious, and I because I don't even really know why, its hard for 
me to meditate on it, to give it a name, and let it go. I find it hard
to be home alone, like I am right now, I find it hard to be comfortable
in my own skin. I feel like I always need to keep moving, planning, 
working, fixing......It's exhausting. 

I actually feel like I have been faking my way through the week, or
even the year, smiling when I don't really feel like smiling, laughing 
when I don't even know what I'm laughing at. I'm just NOT happy....I 
miss having wings and beer with my hubby, I miss going out dancing 
with "the girls" I miss cruizin' in my car, traveling, eating, enjoying. 
I used to be so much fun (or at least I thought so :)

Am I just tired? Am I just worried about the surgery? (which has 
been scheduled in june, thanks everyone for the support!!!) Do I just 
feel like all my friends have moved on? like I'm not "in" on the jokes?
Is this depression? or a product of my job description? I was doing 
so well for months, perhaps I was just kidding myself?

All I know is something has to change, tomorrow I have an 
appointment with an "energy healer" of some sorts. She met me on 
my Fertility Support Group website and seems to think she can help. 
At this point I will try anything at all to move forward. Sitting here
in limbo is obviously not helping my state of mind.  

I was reading in a fertility book last night that the reason why Fertility 
Issues are so damaging is because it can feel like we have lost control 
of our lives. We have Dr's appointments, timed intercourse, pregnancy 
announcements, negative thoughts, jealousy, all coming at us faster 
then we can handle. Maybe this is what I'm feeling? like I no longer
have control over my life? Sounds right, but does anyone know how
to gain control back?

Monday, April 12, 2010

Questions for the Surgeon

This weekend I had my 3rd Fertility Sport Group meeting and as always
I was incredibly inspired by these strong, outgoing woman. Each of these
woman have chosen to take different paths on this fertility journey, and
as a group we all support each others choices.  In Just one afternoon 
they reminded me that I am in charge of what path I take and how fast 
I walk it, they reminded me to stand up for myself. 

I know I should already know this, I work as a doula and every day I 
am encouraging others to advocate for the birth they want. I have now
decided to treat myself as a client and follow the advice I would give 
when a woman is feeling pressure from the medical system. 

The first piece of advice I would give a client is to ask questions, find out 
if your doctors philosophy on birth  (or in this case fertility) matches 
yours. For example if you have a doctor that gives every first time mom 
an episiotomy and you believe they should only be done when medically 
necessary, then perhaps that's not the doctor for you. If you had not 
asked where they stand on episiotomy, you may have never known what 
was soon to come in your future. 

Tomorrow is my consultation with the laproscopy surgeon, and as you 
may have read before on this blog, I am terrified of this surgery. I know
I need to have it, and I can accept that, but I can also follow this advice
and make sure I have a surgeon that I feel comfortable with. I will go 
in there with my list of questions, the only problem is, I don't know 
what questions to ask. That's where you come in, does anyone out there
in the blog world know what questions I should be asking the surgeon
so that I know I am getting the best care possible? 

Thank you in advance to anyone who can help me out here :)

Friday, April 9, 2010

Yoga Poses for AF Part 2 - and breaking news!!

First the breaking news, Hubby turned to me last night while we were
sittin' on the couch and said "Is there any of that energy, woo hoo, yoga, 
acupuncture stuff I should be doing to help us out?". 

ummmmmmmmmmm......what????? excuse me? did he say what I 
thought he said??? YES HE DID

I tried to stay calm and simply replied "well, if your comfortable with it
I have heard wonderful things about sperm count and acupuncture, 
but I've also heard good things about yoga as well". The conversation
ended there, but in the morning instead of doing his usual weight work
out, he did one of my Yoga Videos!!!! YEAH HUBBY!!

Ok, now on to the yoga, AF is still here so my yoga session was very 
much the same. My cramps were a bit better so I decided to add some 
more movements that were still gentle but not restorative. Here is 
what I added:

I started my session off again with 10min of Meditation and moved
into cow/cat, which you see here, I would go from cow to cat then 
move back into child's pose. When I had done I few rounds I rested
in childspose for 5min with my bolster under my upper body.
Then I moved back up to hands and knees for some hip 
rotations to bring circulation to my pelvis and open up the 
hips. I did a few on each side, just going with how I felt. 
Next I tucked my toes under and sat back on my heels, this can be 
QUITE intense so I can't really sit all the way back, I have to breath 
to get through it. As far as the arms go, I did not do what this woman
is doing, I just interlaced my hands behind my back to open 
my chest. 
When these exercises were done I moved back into the rest
off with a shavasana. Overall it was about 40min, but I felt really
great for the rest of the day!!

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Yoga Poses for AF

AF came today, she was kinda shy at first, just kinda knockin' on my 
door and then hiding when I came to open the door for her. Last night
she finally decided to hang up her coat and stay for a while, but now 
that she is here I'm not so keen on her. She is much more annoying 
then I remembered, this month she really wanted to make her 
presence known and decided to keep me up all night! Really though, 
last night was brutal, instead of the dull all over feeling I usually get, 
it was a sharp, relentless feeling of near death. The only thing I could 
do was to sit on the edge of the bed, for hours. 

Hubby of course was shocked by AF's visit, he once again thought 
FOR SURE that this was the month. I think his head space is kinda
where mine was a year ago. I am really no longer puzzled by her
appearance, I have decided to welcome her and treat her well for 
the days she is here. (who knows, maybe this will piss her off enough 
to stay away, for say...10months?)

I got up this morning to do my 10min. of meditation and I moved 
right into a yoga sequence that I put together in hopes to alleviate
some of the pain and relax a bit. As promised I have listed the 
poses I did below. It really did help, I played some nice music, 
meditated before the session and did a long shavasana after. I still 
have cramps, but they are better and not as "emotional" 
(if that makes sense). I don't have all the equipment in these pictures
(I took those off the net) I used a couple bolsters and some pillows/
blankets from around the house. 

This pose relieves cramps, I like to put an eye pillow over my eyes so 
I can zone out. 
This pose is great to calm my brain and the bolster in my belly helps cramps,
I put a bag of rice on my low back, 'cause it feels good!
This helps to open hips and circulate blood into the pelvis. 
This pose is good for lower back pain and cramps. I find that I like 
the "opening" aspect of this pose if I stand up and do 1/2 moon instead.
I find this really relieves cramping, but it take a bit more work. 
This is a good counter pose for the above forward folds. Its good for 
regulating hormones and can help to slow a heavy menstrual flow. I
did another child's pose after this, cause my back felt like it needed it. 

So there  it is, my yoga poses for today. I will probably continue these
poses until AF goes on her way. It is going to be hard for me to do 
only these poses (or variations of them) as I prefer to do a vigorous
yoga class. I promised myself though that I will only do yoga that is 
appropriate for my cycles for a while, and what is appropriate during
AF is relaxation. Its a time for cleansing, nourishing and restoring
so I can start a fresh new cycle :)

Monday, April 5, 2010

MEDITATION CHALLENGE .......and an apple

The Meditation Challenge starts tomorrow!!! 10 min. of Meditation for 
the next 30 days. There are a few of you interested in taking on this 
challenge, and I am so excited to see how this helps in our lives. 
Please let me know of your progress and if on day 30 (May 5th)
you did all 30 days, and I will send you your prize!!! 

On another note, my hubby and I had been fasting for a week, on the
request of my MIL. Then, Just before Easter dinner she presented us
with apple pieces she had blessed by her church. She believes the 
combination of fasting and consumption of blessed apples will make
us fertile!!! Like I said before.........I'll try anything!! 

Hubby now says that If I get pregnant anytime in the near future I will 
have to name the baby Apple (hey, maybe thats what happened 
with Gwyneth?).

Friday, April 2, 2010

Fertility Yoga - 30 Day Meditation Challenge

I received a lot of response to my last post about the Fertility Yoga 
I'm working on, and also about the meditation practice Not only was 
I really excited to see everyone respond so fast, but it also inspired 
me to turn my meditation into a challenge. (leave it to me to turn 
something as pure as meditation into a contest!) 

I'm calling it the 30 Day Meditation Challenge, starting Tuesday 
April 6th, all those who would like to participate will meditate for
10 min each day, for 30 days. At the end of 30 days I will give each 
and every person who made it to the end a little prize!!! This contest
will have to be based on the honor system, if at the end of 30 days 
you meditated everyday, let me know and the prize is YOURS! Just
remember though, its bad karma to lie :)

On another note, Jelly Belly asked me what Asana's I will be doing 
to rejuvenate my cycle. In response to this I promise to keep good 
notes here on my blog so those of you who would like to also do 
these Asana's can follow along, or at least look back at these posts
when that time of your cycle comes around. 

Thats it for Today, Happy Easter for those of you who celebrate, and 
I look forward to Meditating with you on Tuesday morning!!  Please 
let me know if you would like to participate, we can use each other for 
support! Also if you need any advice on meditation please feel free to 

Thursday, April 1, 2010

Fertility Yoga

Ok, it's time to move forward, just a little bit. For the last year I have 
been reading, studding, researching everything Fertility Yoga related.
I even found myself a woman who has been teaching Fertility Yoga at
a Fertility Clinic here in the city with great success, she has been 
helping me with my research/traning. But now I think it's time to 
move forward, start applying what I know, I've been teaching yoga 
long enough to know how each pose effects the body, how breathing
and relaxation can bring the body's hormones back into balance and 
I also know a lot about cycles, I mean, what woman TTC doesn't? AF approaches I have decided to put all this research into 
action. On the first day of my next period I will begin to apply the 
Fertility Yoga Program I've designed to my OWN cycle. Each day 
I will meditate for 10min, I will also do yoga poses appropriate for 
each stage of my cycle and ones that promote fertility. This program
must work for me first, before I decide its time to teach it to a 
classroom of ladies. Do I expect to get pregnant from these sessions?
no, but I hope to start alleviating some of my PMS symptoms and 
bring a bit more health to my body. 

Now I don't know if anyone reading this blog meditates, or has tried
to meditate but 10min of meditation each day can do wonders for your
body but it is SO HARD TO DO. There always seems to be something 
more important to do, something more exciting or urgent, but this 
month, it will be my priority. If anyone would like to join me for
this meditation marathon I would love the support. 

All you need to do is get up 10 min early, put on a pot of your favorite 
tea, sit crossed legged on a pillow or blanket with your spine straight 
and set a timer for 5 or 10 min.  Now Focus on ONE THING while all 
other thoughts just kinda swim back and forth without taking your full 
attention. You can focus on your breath or an affirmation, if thoughts 
come into the for ground just name them (work, friends, pregnant 
woman in the grocery store) and focus again on the breath. 

I am writing the "problem" area's of my cycle here for reference, I will
look back on this at the end of each cycle to see if anything has changed
(I will be taking no herbs or medication as I work through these cycles):

1. Short Luteal Phase
2. Small amount or no Cervical Mucus
4. irritability before AF
5. strong emotional instability (that's putting it lightly) before AF
6. Sore Breasts at different stages in my cycle
7. Spotting 
8. Under-active Thyroid, Low Temperatures

My goal is to help some of those problems with some relaxation and 
yoga. I know it sounds a little "granola" but the research is out there, 
relaxing tense muscles and allowing blood flow back into our lady bits 
can only help, plus, how could you NOT benefit from some R&R?