tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3526328223112205542024-03-14T01:41:50.573-07:00learning to swim in a sea of baby bumpstishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.comBlogger127125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-57055379376741302682011-10-23T04:31:00.001-07:002011-10-23T05:11:36.656-07:00I have a 2 month old<div>I have a two month old, which is I guess why I am <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">writing</span> a blog post at 6am. </div><div>Up until now little miss would ONLY sleep on me, in her wrap or in the bed</div><div>next to me. That makes it very hard to write a blog post or do anything at all </div><div>really, but right now she is asleep in her swing and I have two hands free. </div><div>She slept yesterday in her stroller while on a walk AND when I was eating so</div><div>I ate with both hands too!</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I actually despise the fact that I am one of those <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-error">bloggers</span> now, the ones that </div><div>use their baby as an excuse for not writing. I hated it when I was <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-error">TTC</span> and I</div><div>hate it about myself now. The truth is that this blog and all the blogs I follow</div><div>were really one of the only things that got me passed the last 3 years and </div><div>I will always want to write and read what is happening in blog world. </div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I am constantly thinking of posts to write but by the time I actually get to </div><div>write them I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">forget</span> what it was or I think no one cares to hear it. I am really</div><div>not sure what to write about now, I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">don't</span> want to talk about my new struggles </div><div>as I know that anyone who is <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-error">TTC</span> would gladly trade my hardships for theirs.</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>That being said (I hate that term) I will probably continue to write about my</div><div>parenting struggles as this is where I am right now, please know that I </div><div>understand that these struggles pale in comparison to the struggles of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-error">TTC</span>. </div><div>As hard as these early days are, I would not go back, I am just happy I know</div><div>enough to not say `enjoy sleeping in while you can´. I used to HATE when </div><div>people said that to me and I use those hurtful words to remind myself to </div><div>be <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">grateful</span> when I am up this early. </div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>The struggles I speak of right now are <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">definitely</span> lack of sleep, lack of </div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Independence</span> and lack of support. Needless to say I am lacking in many </div><div>areas, but these are of most concern. I am NOT getting enough sleep, she is</div><div>what my midwife calls as ``<span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">snacker</span>`` which means she eats a little, naps, </div><div>eats some more, naps, ext. This cycle continues all day and all night which</div><div>means she is looking for my boob every 30 min. Not much time in there to</div><div>sleep, or do anything really which is where the lack of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">Independence</span> comes </div><div>in. </div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>The lack of support has only to do with the breastfeeding. It seems like </div><div>no one trusts that I can feed this baby, no one has confidence in me. At </div><div>every turn I am being told to supplement by some ``well meaning`` </div><div>member of my family. I have no problems with supplementing but at </div><div>this point it has not been needed. She is growing steadily, the doctors is</div><div><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_13" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> with her growth (although she is small) and she is quite happy. I </div><div>know I <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_14" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">shouldn't</span> be <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_15" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">concerning</span> myself with their comments, but when </div><div>your this tired and there is an army of people telling you your starving</div><div>your child its hard not to worry. </div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I wish they would shut the hell up!</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>Ok, thats enough complaining, I`m going to go catch up on the blogs! </div><div> </div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-84792681055012511532011-09-23T10:58:00.000-07:002011-09-23T13:25:33.830-07:00Birth Story Part 2 (Typed with both hands)<div>Now, where was I? Oh yeah, deciding if I should stay home and try for the </div><div>natural <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_0">home birth</span> I wanted, or head to the hospital and likely <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_1">receive</span> and </div><div>epidural. So I'm betting that from my previous posts pushing home birth you </div><div>think I decided to stay, but guess what....your wrong. Before the midwives</div><div>finished saying"I think we should head to the hospital" I was already getting</div><div>my crocks on and heading for the door. I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_2">wasn't</span> even wearing a shirt but off</div><div>I went to the elevator. Of course my good hubby was there to make sure I put</div><div>all me clothes on, he even asked if I was sure this is what I wanted, to which</div><div>I replied "<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_3">Caterpillar</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_4">Caterpillar</span>, <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_5">Caterpillar</span>!" our code word.</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I was the first one at the elevator waiting for everyone else to pack up and figure </div><div>out how to get to the hospital. In the end my <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_6">doula</span> drove while I had contractions </div><div>in the front seat and my husband rubbed my shoulders from the back seat. At this </div><div>point all I wanted was the epidural, each contraction made my body push, and each</div><div>contraction everyone would say "don't push" and I was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_7">forced</span> to pant instead. When </div><div>we arrived at the hospital the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_8">nursing</span> staff joined the "<span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_9">don't</span> push" chorus and I</div><div>started to feel completely alone. In fact I started to feel like everyone was out to</div><div>get me, I may have even accused them of "trying to kill me"....a bit dramatic!</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I wanted to be checked <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_10">before</span> requesting the epidural just in case I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_11">miraculously</span></div><div>dilated 3 cm while in the car. The OB was called in to check my progress but </div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_12">unfortunately</span> my pushing did start to swell the cervix and I was now 6cm. That</div><div>was it for me, I wanted the epidural and I wanted it "NOW!". It took nearly 1</div><div>hour for the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_14">anesthetist</span> to arrive and wile I waited I yelled continually at the </div><div>staff to go find him. Things I may have said:</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>"Where the *#@! is he? Why <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_15">arn't</span> you getting him?"</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>"I need this to be over, someone go find him"</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>and again "Your all trying to kill me!!!"</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>As soon as I decided on the epidural I threw all my breathing and coping </div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_16">techniques</span> out the window......not a good Idea. That last hour was honestly </div><div>the worst and lowest point of this whole event, I can look back and laugh</div><div>now but it really was not a shinning moment for me! </div><div><br /></div><div>Once the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">anesthetist arrived and worked his magic all was well and I <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18"></span></span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17"><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_18">immediately</span> felt relief........and guilt. I felt as if I gave up on my baby and left her </span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">to labour alone, I had worked so hard to have her and when <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_19">things</span> got hard I </span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">tapped out, but I NEEDED the break. I also knew the epidural was going to slow </span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">labour down and <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_20">pitocin</span> was eventually going to be introduced, I really did not</span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">want the baby exposed to pitocin. </span></div><div><br /></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">After about 45min. you could see on the monitor that the contractions (that had </span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">once been 2 min a part lasting 1.5min for hours) had completely stopped. My <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_21">doula</span> </span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">and I used a breast pump to try and increase <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_22">oxytocin</span> (which I am sure got a few </span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">laughs from the nurses) and it worked a little bit. We got the contractions back </span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_17">up to 5 min apart but it wasn't enough, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_23">pitocin</span> would have to be used.</span></div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>We spent the rest of the day resting, eating and chatting. Staff w<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_24">as</span> in and out </div><div>to check on me but really we were <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_25">left</span> alone most of the time. My nurse was amazing </div><div>and <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_26">encouraging</span> as well as the OB who was confident his baby would rotate and make</div><div>her way out <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_27">eventually</span>. This was refreshing to hear because in my experience swollen </div><div>cervix = <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_28">cesarean.</span> I really can't say enough about the hospital stay, I was really very </div><div>lucky that day.</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>At around 4 or 5pm I was checked again and was <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_29">ecstatic</span> to hear that I was 10cm </div><div>dilated, they recommended I have more rest and get ready to push soon. The epidural </div><div>had been <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_30">given</span> at around 9am, and I avoided pressing the nice red button (the one </div><div>that boosts the <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_31">medication</span>) so by this time I was feeling the contractions again. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_32"></span></div><div>Actually for much of the day I knew when contractions were <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">coming so was able to</span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_33">continue my breathing and visualizations.</span></div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>By 6pm I was feeling that urge to push again but this time I was able to work with it. </div><div>There was still some intensity but it was a relief to finally push. When the midwife </div><div>checked me the baby's head was "right there" and had turned back to the proper <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34"></span></div><div><span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_34">position</span>. I turned to my side to push while hubby held my hand watched the birth. </div><div>I could hear everyone encouraging me as I pushed until I heard the midwife say </div><div>"Here is the head". I felt <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_36">very</span> much in control at this point so I waited for the next </div><div>contraction and pushed with all I had.</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>Then, suddenly there was a little tiny face staring up at me, I know there was</div><div>lots of <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_37">commotion</span> going on around but all I could see was this little baby on my </div><div>chest. Hubby <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_38">announced</span> that we had a little girl and before long the 3 of us were</div><div>able to enjoy our first few moments together. <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_39">Sotiria</span> (Sadie) Lorraine was born </div><div>Friday Aug 12<span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_40">th</span> at 6:30pm to a packed room of doctors, midwives, nurses, <span class="blsp-spelling-error" id="SPELLING_ERROR_41">doulas</span> </div><div>and the waiting arms of her loving parents.</div><div><br /></div><div>I wish I could say that this was the way it was supposed to be and it was perfect but </div><div>the truth is I wish I had been stronger for her. All I wanted was to start her life off in </div><div>a calm and gentle way and I feel like I let her down. Of course when I am <span class="blsp-spelling-corrected" id="SPELLING_ERROR_42">thinking</span> </div><div>logically I know I did the best I could and that I am proud of the decisions I made. </div><div>In the end our birth story is "ours" and I had an amazing day filled with love,</div><div>amazing support and happiness, and that is the way it's supposed to be.</div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div><div> </div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-66567851251557971172011-09-07T12:19:00.000-07:002011-09-07T16:58:26.539-07:00The Birth Story Part 1 (typed with one hand)<div><div>I often tell expectant mothers that they may not get the baby they ordered. The baby</div><div>I ordered slept at night and sometimes during the day, the baby I got only sleeps when </div><div>I'm holding her. Do I care? not at all, cause she is so much more then I asked for, but I</div><div>just wanted to explain why this took so long and why I'm typing with one hand. Well, </div><div>here goes......Sadie's birth story!</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I actually started feeling contractions quite regularly for about a week before the birth, </div><div>they would start at night and peter out by the morning. 2 days before she was born I</div><div>thought my water broke but it was just a little hind leak, looking back I now realize how</div><div>little this leak actually was compared to the real thing! Of course after a week of these </div><div>false alarms I was getting tired both physically and mentally, I just wanted to have her </div><div>(I did not know baby was a her yet) safe in my arms. </div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I talked a bit with my sister about how I was feeling. She asked if I was feeling overly </div><div>emotional, ya know the kind of emotional where you cry over everything. Of course</div><div>my answer was no as I tend to keep everything held in, all I really remember feeling </div><div>was impatient. Well, on babe's due date the movie 'The Help' came out, which is one </div><div>of my favorite books and I was secretly hoping to go overdue so I would get to see </div><div>it. Hubby and I went to the lunchtime screening, the movie was awesome but when </div><div>the tear jerking ending came around I tried my best not to cry. Instead what came out </div><div>of my mouth was a high pitched, inhuman noise, followed by laughter and 15 minutes</div><div>of sobbing.</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I guess I needed a good cry because contractions started on the walk home and did </div><div>not stop. By 5pm the contractions were steady at 3 min apart lasting 1 min but they </div><div>were not very intense, I could get through by closing my eyes and breathing. As time</div><div>passed they did get much stronger and I felt that I needed to be standing up through </div><div>them, the shower helped too. When 9pm came around and the contractions were </div><div>still going strong my hubby called the midwife even, though I told him not to because </div><div>I didn't want to disturb her so late for "no reason". </div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>Good thing he called because when she got here I was 4cm and fully effaced, she</div><div>decided that because the contractions had such a good pattern that she would stay.</div><div>At this point it started to sink in that this was really it, almost immediately the </div><div>contractions became more intense. I called the doula to come over, strapped on </div><div>the TENS machine and Hubby started to set up the birth pool.</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>When the doula arrived I was half naked and moaning through the contractions</div><div>(quite the sight I am sure) each time I had one I would boost the TENS machine </div><div>and lean over whatever was in front of me (a chair, TV, garbage pail or a human).</div><div>Between the contractions I would walk around, talk and joke feeling nothing much</div><div>at all.</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>By midnight the contractions were 2.5min apart and lasting 1.5min, I was starting</div><div>to feel pushy so I asked the midwife to check me. I was 7cm dilated, which was great</div><div>progress, but not far enough along to surrender to that urge to push.We decided it </div><div>was time to get into the birth pool, I have to say it felt amazing in there but I</div><div>have to admit that over the next few hours I was surprised by how intense the </div><div>contractions became. My husband stayed very close to me and was incredibly </div><div>encouraging while the doula massaged my back between contractions. I remember</div><div>This part of the birth very well, I was so loved and supported through this, but inside</div><div>my head I was starting to doubt myself. Here is a list some of the things I was saying:</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>"Why did I choose to do this?"</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>"Why would anyone do this"</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>"I will never do this again"</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>I even threw out a few "I cant's" an "I wont's" in there, which were always followed</div><div>by "you can's" and "you will's"by my support team who apparently thought I was doing</div><div>a good job. At around 3am the urge to push had become much stronger and I could no </div><div>longer ignore it, each contraction made my body bear down without any way to stop </div><div>it. Normally this is a sign that it is time to push so I asked the midwife to check me.</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>"7cm" was definitely NOT what I wanted to hear, I had made NO progress in 3 hours</div><div>and the urge to push was just getting stronger. The midwife suggested she break my </div><div>water as the bulging amniotic sac may be causing that urge. My hubby did exactly </div><div>what he learned in childbirth ed. class and asked for time to talk about it. After a </div><div>very VERY brief discussion I decided to do it because I wanted that urge to be gone.</div><div>I think hubby became worried at this point because he knew how much I wanted</div><div>to avoid intervention, but he was very supportive in the decision.By the way, it</div><div>did not work, all I got was soaking wet and the urge to push stayed!</div><div> </div><div><br /></div><div>Disappointed, I went back into the pool where my husband and doula worked to</div><div>repair the damage of hearing "7cm" had done, and to try and stop me from pushing.</div><div>The problem is that if you push on a not yet dilated cervix you can cause swelling so </div><div>I had to be very careful. My doula had me panting though contractions so I wouldn't</div><div>bear down and my hubby continued to let me know I was doing good and that </div><div>everything would be ok. By this point I was feeling like I couldn't go on, up until </div><div>then the intensity felt manageable, the failure to progress did not.</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>At 6:30am I was checked again and again I was 7cm, but this time the midwife let</div><div>me know that the baby had turned completely posterior (not good), which could be </div><div>why I was feeling pushy. By this point I was pushing through contractions involuntarily</div><div>and the midwife was concerned my cervix was going to start swelling. She suggested</div><div>we go to the hospital for an epidural, this would take away the urge and lower the </div><div>risk of swelling.</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>So, now we had a decision to make, go to the hospital leaving my homebirth dream </div><div>behind or stay at home and see if I will progress over the next few hours. Not an easy </div><div>decision and I'm still not sure I made the right one. All that I can say is that at the time </div><div>I knew exactly what I had to do.</div><div><br /></div><div> </div><div>Part 2 will come soon (it took me a few sittings to write this!)</div><div> </div><div> </div></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-72007253730097351982011-08-27T08:14:00.000-07:002011-08-27T08:21:36.932-07:00Baby Girl is Here!<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QN7bezPDx6g/TlkLMlLXeFI/AAAAAAAAAGs/V03odB4cYHg/s1600/337764_10150770698035191_832560190_20479252_3548315_o.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 214px;" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QN7bezPDx6g/TlkLMlLXeFI/AAAAAAAAAGs/V03odB4cYHg/s320/337764_10150770698035191_832560190_20479252_3548315_o.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5645555918651750482" /></a>
<br />I know it took a little long for me to write this (just over 2 weeks) but I want to <div>let everyone know that I had a baby girl. Her name is Sotiria (So-ti-rea-a) </div><div>Lorraine Katopodis. That is her official (greek) name but were just calling her </div><div>Sadie to make it easier on everyone. She was born on August 12th at around 6:30pm, </div><div>I will have birth details on the next post when I have a little more time. My parents</div><div>are in town so I am busy taking care of baby and them at the same time :) I really</div><div>want to spend some time writing down the birth story as it was 'different' then I </div><div>had expected and I kinda need time to process it. All that matters though is she </div><div>is here and she is perfect and healthy. I added a little pic for you to see, I </div><div>think she is cute as a button! </div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com23tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-74111446564211066622011-08-11T07:55:00.000-07:002011-08-11T08:08:32.793-07:00Estimated Due Date!Yup, it's my 'due date' which I know means very little as far as actually having the baby<div>in my arms, but I was hoping to be one of the lucky ones! It has actually been quite an </div><div>exciting few days (exciting or frustrating, whatever you wanna call it) as every night I am </div><div>up with contractions. Everyday once the sun comes up they dwindle and eventually disappear</div><div>leaving me wondering what to do for the rest of the day. I feel kinda like a ticking time</div><div>bomb, especially since my husband wont let me out of his sight, he's even started nesting (keeping one eye on me, while the other cooks and cleans)</div><div>
<br /></div><div>So thats the story, starting saturday night I have been having contractions all through the </div><div>night and try my best to recover sleep during the day. Monday night my 'water broke' or so </div><div>I thought, but it turns out it was a hind leak. This means a piece of the bag broke but the </div><div>baby's head has blocked the leak so it will either repair itself or leak every once and a </div><div>while when the baby moves its head. My body has chosen the later of the two, leaving me</div><div>quite 'uncomfortable' a few times a day. </div><div>
<br /></div><div>I hope I have better more exciting news for everyone over the next few days, but until then</div><div>I am trying my best to remain patient and well rested. I have decided I will see a movie</div><div>everyday until baby comes (there is a cheep theater by my house) so that I have something </div><div>to look forward to. Yesterday was 'Crazy Sexy Love' today will be 'The Help'. Hopefully </div><div>tomorrow I will be swimming in my birth pool, but if not it might be a 'Smurfs' day! </div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-14842546954967946422011-07-30T09:31:00.000-07:002011-07-30T10:13:22.012-07:0038 weeksIt's hard to believe I am at 38 weeks, It is shocking to me how fast and slow this whole<div>pregnancy has been. I feel like I have been pregnant forever, but at the same time I feel like</div><div>it has gone too fast. I am not so sure if I am ready to let little babe out into the real world</div><div>just yet. I know that sounds really strange as all of us have the goal to be mama's to our <br /></div><div>little ones, but I am really enjoying this time with him or her. I know when the babe is most</div><div>active (when I'm sleeping), when it sleeps (when I'm active) and when it's going to get </div><div>the hiccups, I can even play with him or her when it kicks and I push back. All in all </div><div>its a pretty good relationship, no tears, no screaming, just a big bump and a happy baby</div><div>(I hope). </div><div><br /></div><div>I have to admit though, as I get closer to the 'due date' I start to worry more and more</div><div>about the birth. Like I said before, I am not sure I am ready to let go of this stage, right </div><div>now I know little one is safe with me but once the birth begins It is all out of my control. </div><div>I want more then anything to hold this baby in my arms while hubby and I decide who </div><div>he or she looks like, but this image seem so abstract, so distant. I just want everything to </div><div>go well, I want to finally write a birth announcement on this page. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know as a doula I should feel much more confident in the birth process and in reality</div><div>I have nothing but confidence in this process. I have been so blessed in my work and </div><div>have been the witness of many beautiful birth experiences, but for some reason I can not</div><div>seem to believe this is possible for me. I know that I am in perfect health and so is the </div><div>babe, I know that statistically and even realistically everything should work out perfectly</div><div>but I can not seem to shake these fears and anxieties. </div><div><br /></div><div>As you all know my plan is for a home birth. I have the pool ready, the house ready, just </div><div>about everything is set up. The midwife has given us the thumbs up to go ahead with our </div><div>plan and so there is no reason at this point to think that a home birth is not possible for us. </div><div>So why do I worry? I can't seem to shake the feeling that if something was to go wrong </div><div>I would be blamed because I chose to be at home. If I choose to go to the hospital then </div><div>people could at least say 'well, you did everything you could' but If I'm at home they can </div><div>say 'well, you should have been at the hospital'. The truth of the matter is, the midwives</div><div>are prepared to deal with emergency situations at home, so I'm not sure why I'm feeling </div><div>this way. </div><div><br /></div><div>All this negative thought is really starting to weigh on me, I honestly truly believe that</div><div>being at home is the safest place for a healthy pregnancy, but the 'crazy pants' part of my</div><div>brain is starting to take over. I actually think I may know where it comes from, but I'm not</div><div>so sure. A few months ago when I told my mother of my plans she had a slight melt down </div><div>and said 'well if something goes wrong then its YOU that will have to live with it'. That statement has stuck with me for months, even though it has nothing to do with my beliefs. </div><div>I do not blame my mom for this statement, she herself has had to deal with a stillbirth </div><div>and she is just trying to protect me from this hurt. </div><div><br /></div><div>Ok, well I just wanted to get all that off my chest. In reality I know that my midwives are</div><div>there to look out for mine and my baby's safety and if there were ever a time I needed to </div><div>be in the hospital for a medical reason they would see to it that I was there, and I am even </div><div>ok to choose to be there if my anxieties get the better of me. I trust in the process and trust that the birth will take place where it should and I am happy with either possibility. I just </div><div>need to work on my confidence over the next few days or weeks, I just want baby to be </div><div>safe and happy when he or she arrives, all of my decisions are based on that. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-80450300654739713462011-07-09T02:28:00.000-07:002011-07-09T03:03:31.867-07:00A Post About My Shower - And Not SleepingIt's 5:30 am and of course I am not sleeping. This insomnia is really the biggest thing<br /><div>I would complain about if I was to complain at all. I figure I should use this time to be</div><div>productive so I'm going to write a little about my sweet, sweet shower. </div><div><br /></div><div>First of all (and I hope they are reading) I have to THANK my lucky stars and the </div><div>organizers of my shower for such a wonderful night. It certainly lived up to my </div><div>expectations and I am, and will be forever grateful for such good friends. They really </div><div>put a lot of thought into my big night and really REALLY understood the significance </div><div>of the event for me. </div><div><br /></div><div>The night itself was pretty traditionally a baby shower, with the silly games, balloons, </div><div>a decorated throne (for me, yeah!), and TONS of food, but where it differed was in the presentation. They actually added elements of a "blessing way" into the night, which is </div><div>really more of a way to honor the mother or mother to be. Needless to say I cried and </div><div>cried while they talked about how happy they were for me and read little "blessings" for </div><div>the time I will spend as a new mother. </div><div><br /></div><div>What surprised me the most was how much this pregnancy seemed to mean for my friends, </div><div>in all my angst I forgot to notice that my friends wanted this for me nearly as badly as I </div><div>wanted it for myself. There was a point in the night just before opening gifts when one of</div><div>the fabulous organizers explained to the guests how long she has waited for this. She told</div><div>everyone how the three of us dreamed of spending maternity leave together nearly 5 years</div><div>ago. She told them of how as the years passed and they had one maternity leave after </div><div>another while I was left to sit and wait for my turn. She even talked about how proud she </div><div>was of me for continuing to hope and pray despite the odds against me, in fact (and I hadn't noticed until then) they had decorated the room with candles that said "Hope", "Faith", </div><div>and "Believe". TEARS! </div><div><br /></div><div>Overall it was an amazing shower. In time I will be able to thank them for all they have </div><div>done for me, and of course their continued patience with me over the last few years. Until </div><div>then I have tons of baby loot that I need to organize and set up for baby's arrival, I know </div><div>this little one is already spoiled as can be, but I wouldn't have it any other way! </div><div><br /></div><div>Oh, and they had a photographer there to take pictures of the night, I will be getting them</div><div>(as well as a scrapbook with words of wisdom) sometime soon!! I will post 'em when </div><div>I get 'em :) </div><div><br /></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-77958644566860765082011-07-02T05:52:00.000-07:002011-07-02T06:22:57.033-07:00Woot Woot!!!Today is my baby shower, I can't even tell you how long I have been waiting for a <div>baby shower that is all mine! My whole life I am sure. For some reason I LOVE baby </div><div>showers (maybe 'cause I love cute little baby things) and have hosted quite a few in my </div><div>lifetime. I feel really blessed that I finally get to have this day after such a long wait, <br /></div><div>it's hard to believe that I'm really at 34 weeks. I remember when my friends booked the </div><div>date for the shower I was thinking "oh gosh that is SOOOOOOO far away" now I can't </div><div>understand where the time went. Nothing in my life has ever gone so fast, yet so slow </div><div>all at once. </div><div><br /></div><div>I don't think I am having a typical shower, mainly because I don't have very typical </div><div>friends. 2 of my closest girlfriends are hosting and one of them is an event planner and </div><div>the other is quite an artist. The theme of the shower is Wine and Chocolate and it's </div><div>actually in the evening rather then afternoon. I know it sounds weird to have wine at </div><div>a party where the guest of honor can't drink but my real goal for this event is to have</div><div>a party where all my friends get together and enjoy themselves, to me wine seems </div><div>fitting. I will be quite content with cute little baby things and chocolate, besides </div><div>I'm an east coaster, I have drank enough in my life :) </div><div><br /></div><div>Speaking of being an east coaster, I am feeling quite homesick as the shower approaches. </div><div>I currently live in Toronto and my family is quite a distance away. I'm no longer able</div><div>to fly so I won't be seeing them before the big day. In Nova Scotia I have all my childhood friends, my cousins, my aunts, and mother. I am having a hard time imagining my baby </div><div>shower without them (to me, baby showers are about them). My sisters are also very far </div><div>away, my youngest sister lives in Quebec on a Farm and my middle sister lives in B.C. in </div><div>the country as well. My sisters and I are incredibly close and it breaks my heart to think</div><div>of them not being here for this, or even being here to watch my bump grow. I won't have </div><div>a single person at my shower that knew me before 2003 or a single blood relative. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know what your thinking "boo hoo, just shut up and be grateful you get to have a baby </div><div>shower" and I think that is good advice, so I will take it. I am SO grateful this day has </div><div>finally come and I am going to cherish it forever. I will take pictures and open gifts and </div><div>finally feel like I am part of this whole pregnancy/parenthood thing. I am going to </div><div>jump in with both feet and enjoy myself and trust that all the gifts and good wishes are </div><div>for this little bean who will safely be here in 4-8 weeks :) </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-759295161027018952011-06-11T06:22:00.000-07:002011-06-11T06:28:51.809-07:00So sorry!I was reading through the blogs yesterday when I came across a post by <a href="http://www.builtinbirthcontrol.com/">'built </a><div><a href="http://www.builtinbirthcontrol.com/">in birth control'</a>. I have been following her for quite some time and I have to say my</div><div>heart broke when I read her words. A few years ago she lost her twin girls and now </div><div>she has suffered yet again. Her twins Thomas and Bayli have gone to be with their </div><div>sisters and I can not imagine this immeasurable loss. No one should have to suffer</div><div>this much, I am completely beside myself with shock that this could have happened. <br /></div><div>If you have never read her blog before, now would be a good time to drop buy and</div><div>post. </div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-58378437481241292302011-06-06T19:43:00.000-07:002011-06-06T20:09:14.490-07:00Calming DownFollowing the advice of all you beautiful ladies and some ladies here in the 'real world' <div>I have decided to slow things down a little bit. I put in my notice at the fitness studio, </div><div>which is bitter sweet 'cause I love my classes, but this will allow me more time to myself! </div><div>June 17th will be my last day teaching fitness classes but I may begin to attend them </div><div>as a participant instead, it will be fun to FINALLY be on the other side! </div><div><br /></div><div>I have only 2 birth clients left, one due now and the other in 2 weeks, once those little</div><div>ones are born I am officially off my out of home work. I will still have lots of desk work</div><div>to do for my company and some business meetings but that doesn't take too much of </div><div>my energy. It's going to be weird (and finically draining) to be without pay for 2 months</div><div>before the baby is born, but with the type of work I do I really feel I had no other option. </div><div>Like you ladies were saying, I needed to take the advice I would give my clients and I </div><div>tell all my clients to take as much time off before the birth as possible. Besides, who </div><div>knows if I will ever get this opportunity again, I really need to just enjoy this time, </div><div>respect myself and pamper this active little one. </div><div><br /></div><div>In other news, we have been thinking of names. We had two names picked out when we<br /></div><div>were convinced we were having twins but now that there is just one little bean I don't</div><div>really want to use one of them and not the other. My husband is greek so we need to use </div><div>a name that can be baptized in the orthodox church (or at least translated to do so) but </div><div>that has made things a bit more challenging. </div><div><br /></div><div>My husbands favorite name is Leonidas, which I find to be a bit 'too much' of a name, </div><div>although I do really like the name Leo. We have both kinda agreed on Gabriel BUT </div><div>whenever I bring it up to people they say it sounds like a girls name, but the nick </div><div>name Gabe sound very strong to me and I REALLY don't think it sounds feminine at all. </div><div>The 3rd option we have is Theodore, which I like only if shortened to Theo NOT Teddy </div><div>but I'm not really convinced. So if anyone out there know of some really great greek </div><div>names that can be easily translated or shortened to a fun canadian name I would love </div><div>your input, or even some input on our top 3. Jonathan would be the middle name </div><div>after my grandfather, the greek translation is Yanni. </div><div><br /></div><div>The girls name has already been chosen and will be revealed when she arrives, if she</div><div>is a she. We both agreed to this name, it translates well, so we locked it in!! </div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-59888591882757718112011-06-03T17:11:00.000-07:002011-06-03T17:39:12.595-07:00Sore and a Bit Grumpy!Last weekend was the "birth in special circumstances" conference that I have been <div>planning all year. It all went off perfectly and I was SO happy to see that all our hard</div><div>work was not wasted, we had the legendary Pam England here as a guest speaker! </div><div><br /></div><div>I got to tell you though, spending 2 days listening to all that can go wrong in birth is NOT </div><div>a good way to spend a weekend when your pregnant. Of course I know there are things</div><div>that can go wrong, I've seen it with my own eyes, but for the most part birth is a well </div><div>oiled machine and works quite well. I work very VERY hard to keep a positive outlook<br /></div><div>but the weekend made that quite difficult. All I can say is THANK GOD the conference</div><div>is done and I can finally start to concentrate on something else.....such as babe!</div><div><br /></div><div>I am officially 30 weeks pregnant now, which is a huge milestone for me. I have been </div><div>waiting for this point because I know as a doula I consider this 'GO' time for my clients, </div><div>It's when we start planning the birth and attending our appointments. So I guess that means</div><div>its 'GO' time for me now too! The only problem is, even with this conference over I </div><div>feel like I am so busy with work that I will never have enough time to get things ready. </div><div><br /></div><div>Yesterday I had a bit of a melt down, one of those irrational meltdowns you always </div><div>hear about pregnant woman having. I have been having very bad hip pain over the last</div><div>few weeks/months but I have just been pushing through it, not sleeping, working </div><div>though the pain and just making sure I get my work done. last night I was having a</div><div>particularly hard time but still, I had to teach a fitness class. About 1/2 hour before </div><div>class I jumped in my car to drive to work and my car was dead, in a panic I jumped </div><div>in a cab to get there. </div><div><br /></div><div>The cab driver took the LONGEST way possible and when the meter was up to $20 I </div><div>finally said something (I was beginning to panic of the price of the cab, as it was nearing </div><div>the price I get paid for teaching). The cab driver got VERY mad at me and yelled "You </div><div>can get out here and walk if you like", and to that I began to cry "but I'm 8 months </div><div>pregnant!!!". With the pain in my hips the thought of walking to class was unbearable, </div><div>then getting to class and bouncing all over the place mixed with lack of sleep put me over </div><div>the edge, I cried the whole way to class. </div><div><br /></div><div>When I finally got home I confessed to my husband that I am starting to feel very </div><div>overwhelmed by trying to keep up with my work schedule. The truth is though, everyone</div><div>keeps saying to me "take it easy", "your pregnant, you need rest", but in the very same</div><div>breath they will add something to my task list. I am so grateful to be pregnant, and so </div><div>careful not to complain that I have just been trying to power through but its become</div><div>too much. My business partners want me to "rest" but they still need someone to </div><div>run the finances and fertility department, The prenatal fitness studio I work for wants </div><div>me to "take it easy" but I still need to teach 2 classes a day, My husband wants me to </div><div>"enjoy" my pregnancy, but expects a clean house and clean laundry. And that doesn't </div><div>even include the overnights I spend with birth clients and my own fitness schedule. </div><div><br /></div><div>I'm having a really hard time allowing myself to say NO to people so I can finally rest</div><div>and get ready for baby. It is time in my schedule that I really did not allot for, even </div><div>though its the most important thing to do. Maybe I'm just working my little buns off</div><div>to make as much money now before my 'mat leave' of which I get ZERO dollars because</div><div>I am self employed, or maybe I feel like if I stop moving I will start to worry about </div><div>what is about to happen to me. I dunno, but whatever it is I NEED to start taking care</div><div>of myself and admitting that I need a little bit of help to get through the next 2 months!</div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-41952402714203383582011-05-15T18:37:00.000-07:002011-05-15T18:49:09.538-07:00Infertility Awareness WeekToday is the start of infertility awareness week, in Canada infertility only gets a <div>week but I guess we will make the best of it. I wrote a blog post on my company </div><div>website in recognition, I would love to see what you guys think about the article. </div><div>I know there were some key points I missed, but it was getting kinda long so at some </div><div>point I had to stop ranting! please feel free to leave comments. </div><div><br /></div><div>to read click here: <a href="http://www.bebomia.com/?page_id=1061">bebo mia blog</a></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-80916479928114410632011-05-10T21:16:00.000-07:002011-05-10T21:22:34.931-07:00WARNING: baby bump photos<div>Ok, so I did it......I took baby bump photos......I guess I'm a bit behind at nearly <div>7 months but for some reason (not sure why) I was putting it off. I couldn't get away </div><div>from it this weekend though, I went home for a wedding and my mom followed me </div><div>around like the paparazzi. I wanted to share a few here with my blogger friends in </div><div>case your interested, I promise they will be few and far between but I kinda liked</div><div>these ones: </div></div><div><br /></div><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6kWCy1TWyRo/TcoN-GCxRkI/AAAAAAAAAGg/suigm2LYurs/s1600/meandemery_pregnant.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 270px; height: 320px;" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-6kWCy1TWyRo/TcoN-GCxRkI/AAAAAAAAAGg/suigm2LYurs/s320/meandemery_pregnant.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605308046641284674" /><div style="text-align: center;"><span class="Apple-style-span" style="color: rgb(0, 0, 0);">My nephew waiting for a kick</span></div></a><div><br /><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8b7Xt5BxL-U/TcoNwyZnVaI/AAAAAAAAAGY/wVfVZj5ybig/s1600/240865_10150584137280191_832560190_18635174_7238117_o.jpg" onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 186px; height: 320px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-8b7Xt5BxL-U/TcoNwyZnVaI/AAAAAAAAAGY/wVfVZj5ybig/s320/240865_10150584137280191_832560190_18635174_7238117_o.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5605307818030093730" /></a></div><div style="text-align: center;"><br /></div><div style="text-align: center;">My pregnancy dress, I have ALWAYS wanted to wear a long pregnancy dress! </div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-34209080510283378982011-05-03T20:16:00.000-07:002011-05-03T20:31:56.576-07:00Babe is Good!I guess I should update everyone by saying baby is good, we had a midwifery <div>appointment today to confirm. Thank you all so much for your advice last Wednesday</div><div>after the fall, I was totally freaking out and it was just nice to know there was people</div><div>out there to listen. </div><div><br /></div><div>I ended up staying home after the fall, I drank a TON of juice and eventually the </div><div>baby started to move a lot.....it actually didn't stop for several hours....OOPS!! </div><div>I knew that I was to look out for contractions and bleeding so after a few hours without</div><div>these warning signs I started to feel better.....I still called my midwife just incase and she confirmed that without bleeding or contractions the fall would have hurt me much </div><div>more then the babe, especially cause I landed on my back.</div><div><br /></div><div>The cleaning lady has been notified to put up 'wet floor' signs, but she is sticking to her </div><div>story that there was no one in the building when she started cleaning. That kinda pisses</div><div>me off, but to be honest I am just happy everything is ok (other then a stiff back and </div><div>sore wrist). I was actually teaching HypnoBirthing the night of the fall, so the whole </div><div>class had seen her cleaning, just incase I needed witnesses. </div><div><br /></div><div>Tomorrow I have a huge work day, then on Thursday I am heading home (Nova Scotia)</div><div>for a wedding. The bride is pregnant, and so are two of my other cousins, I can't even </div><div>express how grateful I feel to be there with a baby bump as well. I do not know how I </div><div>would have survived seeing all my younger cousins so quickly starting family, especially </div><div>in the small town that I come from (gossip, gossip). I still don't look forward to all the pregnancy talk that is sure to take over the weekend, I still can't seem to wrap my head </div><div>around all that. Its always complaining and eye rolling and "get this over with", it makes </div><div>me want to crawl out of my skin........They don't know how lucky they are!!! </div><div><br /></div><div>OH well, off I go to bed, thanks again everyone for responding so fast to my last post,</div><div>I needed it! </div><div><br /></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-74637494702758314142011-04-27T20:25:00.000-07:002011-04-27T20:49:08.840-07:00Cleaning Ladies are Trying to Kill MeSo, I have come to the conclusion that there are cleaning ladies trying to kill me. <div>At first I was not so sure, but now I am quite convinced. <div><div><br /></div><div>It all started a few weeks ago when I gave up on spin class and started to go down </div><div>to my condo gym to boogie on the elliptical. As soon as I went down there a cleaning</div><div>lady came in and thew cleaning powder on the machine next to me and began scrubbing </div><div>away. The toxic cleaning smell was unbearable and it quickly made me feel sick....the </div><div>mysterious cleaning substance was actually sizzling and bubbling. </div><div><br /></div><div>I asked her (politely) if cleaning was necessary during gym hours and pointed to my </div><div>belly, she just shrugged and said "I cleaned all through my pregnancy". Cleaning is </div><div>one thing, but using whatever the hell she was using is another story, there was no </div><div>way I was going to continue huffing and puffing away next to that fog, so I got off</div><div> the treadmill and went back upstairs. </div><div><br /></div><div>Since then it has become kind of a running joke between me and hubby, every time, </div><div>and I mean EVERY TIME I go down to the gym a cleaning lady shows up shortly after</div><div>to clean. It doesn't matter what time I go down there.......she is there holding that </div><div>can of powdery toxicity! Hubby thinks I'm over reacting, he even says I sound like a </div><div>spoiled rich #$#%#$ when I complain. The truth of the matter is, I just want to work </div><div>out because its good for me and the baby.....I'm not rich......and I don't use that junk </div><div>to clean my house and I don't want to be around it. </div><div><br /></div><div>Thats all fine and dandy, but tonight is what really convinced me that the cleaning </div><div>ladies of toronto are plotting against me. Tonight I was teaching a hypnobirthing class</div><div>and when we were done I locked up the room and let the class out. I decided I needed</div><div>to run to the bathroom (of course) before leaving so I walked towards the bathroom. </div><div>Soon as I turned the corner my legs slipped right out from under me and I flew in the </div><div>air just before landing on my back. I am sure it looked an awful lot like goofy slipping </div><div>on a banana. At first I was more confused, but then when I looked down the hallway</div><div>I noticed the cleaning lady there just mopping away, throwing water here and there, </div><div>with no 'wet floor' sign in sight (or any thought to the class of pregnant woman that </div><div>was just let out).</div><div><br /></div><div>I picked myself up on the floor, of course in a panic state over what I may have done </div><div>to the baby. I quickly left work and drove home, wondering if I should drive myself</div><div>to triage along the way. I decided to come home and drink some juice and see if baby </div><div>will move a little, but so far I don't feel much movement. There is no signs of anything</div><div>really going wrong just yet though, no bleeding or cramps, but I can tell you I am </div><div>terribly worried. If baby doesn't start moving all over the place soon I may take myself</div><div>in to see how babe is. </div><div><br /></div><div>Anyway, thats my story............</div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-2484105659113012412011-04-18T19:59:00.000-07:002011-04-18T20:14:25.859-07:006 month mark!It's hard to believe that in two days I will reach the 6 month mark of this pregnancy!<div>I am really starting to feel an urge to get ready for the little one, but since I have no room</div><div>in my condo to 'nest' I have decided to take up knitting. I have done it before, but all </div><div>I can really make is a scarf....which is not exactly baby friendly, so I am attempting a </div><div>newborn hat. So far so good, I will post pictures when It is done!</div><div><br /></div><div>The baby has been moving around quite a bit, it really has been wonderful to feel the </div><div>movements, especially because it eases my neurotic mind. If I don't feel him/her move</div><div>for a few hours I will drink some juice and sit quietly, usually I will feel a little bit</div><div>of movement then. At around bed time it feels like little one is doing backflips or </div><div>something, its quite a lot more movement then I was expecting at this point. </div><div><br /></div><div>The belly is growing, I actually look pregnant, My belly is growing forward now </div><div>instead of just sideways, I swear I have doubled in width. My mother sent me a care</div><div>package of cute maternity clothing and I have gotten a few hand me down from friends</div><div>so I am actually better dressed now then before....its kinda nice. I feel like a baby bump</div><div>gives you a license to wear whatever the hell you want, and I like it. Maybe I will wear</div><div>a bikini for the first time in my life this summer, just cause I can! haha</div><div><br /></div><div>As far as work goes, it has been a bit challenging to teach the fitness classes and some<br /></div><div>of the moves I can no longer do at all. I think they are all pretty understanding because<br /></div><div>I teach pre/postnatal fitness mostly, but I find it hard to slow down. I am thinking </div><div>about cutting down the amount of classes I teach and doing more 'desk work' which </div><div>may just include watching Ellen and drinking tea! I will still be attending births up </div><div>until July, not so sure if that was a smart choice. I have a client due this week and the </div><div>thought of leaving my house right now for an overnight birth is....well.....scary! </div><div><br /></div><div>Well, It has been a long time since I posted, I am thinking about my fellow bloggers all </div><div>the time and praying for baby dust to be spread all around. I am going to spend the next</div><div>few minutes/hours reading the posts that I have missed over the last week. I hope everyone</div><div>is doing really well!!! </div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com13tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-88127488944171188972011-04-02T06:07:00.000-07:002011-04-02T06:25:21.947-07:00Fertility YogaLast night was the first class of my company's new Fertility Yoga Program. It was <div>something I have been creating for nearly two years and I CAN NOT tell you how </div><div>excited I was to see if finally come together. I wanted the program to be as Mind/</div><div>Body as possible and I really think (or hope) that I have hit that mark. </div><div><br /></div><div>We hired a fantastic yoga teacher and an assistant for her that does massage, </div><div>adjustments and offers alternative poses if someone is feeling uncomfortable (think</div><div>fertility drugs) . The ladies will definitely get lots of hands on 'lovin' while they are </div><div>relaxing in different poses, especially since there are 2 teachers and we cap the class</div><div>at 6 students. The assistant is also a nutritionist so she is able to answer and talk </div><div>about any nutrition issues the class may be having. </div><div><br /></div><div>We also added a therapist to the first and last class to facilitate a group therapy </div><div>session (another part of mind/body) and the ladies in class really seemed to open </div><div>up and talk about how they are feeling. Also included are fertility teas, essential oils, </div><div>breath work, relaxation techniques and a journal for the full 8 weeks. I even added</div><div>some of the guided meditation work I have learned through my hypnosis training!</div><div><br /></div><div>Squeeeeeeeeeel, I am so excited to see this start running, I really hope this can </div><div>become a place for healing and enjoying oneself again. I think this is the biggest thing </div><div>that was lacking in the fertility clinics, I felt like I became just a walking uterus and </div><div>no one cared how I felt or how I struggled. I hope this class can change some of that </div><div>and give us back our voices a little bit!!!!</div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-59345078050512188722011-03-26T16:33:00.000-07:002011-03-26T17:12:05.721-07:00Ina May GaskinToday I met the birth icon Ina May Gaskin. I never in my life thought I would ever <div>get to meet this amazing woman....but I did....and I got my picture taken with her! For <div>anyone who does not know who she is, she is America's leading midwife and has been </div><div>working to bring birth back to women for most of her life. She is inspiring to me, </div><div>and much of the reason why I became a Doula (and why many others do as well).</div><div><div><br /></div><div>She was here for a weekend conference and I can NOT tell you how blessed I felt to </div><div>have been in attendance as an expecting woman. I have read all her books and have</div><div>followed her career for years, but this was the first time I could listen to her speak </div><div>and feel like I may actually be able to experience birth the way she talks about it. </div><div><br /></div><div>My hubby actually came to the event with me to learn how he could best assist me</div><div>though childbirth and to my surprise he actually enjoyed himself. He even took </div><div>some notes (mental notes) about the way a baby should be treated right after the </div><div>birth so he could be sure to talk to our midwife about it at our next appointment. </div><div><br /></div><div>I guess that is really all I have to say about the event. I adore Mrs. Ina May and if</div><div>your trying to get pregnant, or (fingers crossed) are pregnant I would highly </div><div>recommend any of her books. The book she is most known for is 'Spiritual Midwifery'</div><div>but her newest (and the one I just got signed....eeeek!) is 'Birth Matters'. I will </div><div>probably finish it by morning. </div><div><br /></div><div><br /></div></div></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-34401217334750521262011-03-17T18:17:00.000-07:002011-03-17T18:45:35.672-07:00Happy St. Patty's Day........and Anatomy Scan Day!<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6Lb5p2VtdYU/TYKzUAZu7_I/AAAAAAAAAF4/usqztMpy5ZM/s1600/Baby_20weeks.jpg"><img style="display:block; margin:0px auto 10px; text-align:center;cursor:pointer; cursor:hand;width: 320px; height: 219px;" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6Lb5p2VtdYU/TYKzUAZu7_I/AAAAAAAAAF4/usqztMpy5ZM/s320/Baby_20weeks.jpg" border="0" alt="" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5585223644179525618" /></a><br />I had NO idea today was St. Patty's Day until I was on my way to teach my Prenatal<div>Aquafit class and noticed the huge lineups of green clothed people waiting to get in the </div><div>pubs. I had been so focused on the scan that I did not notice much of anything, I've had </div><div>only one thought and it was seeing the babe. I am a HUGE fan of the holiday Im secretly</div><div>happy to know the little one had its scan on St. Patty's Day :) Double the fun!</div><div><br /></div><div>The scan went really well, the ultrasound technician was SO nice (which is something new </div><div>for me!). She showed me every little bit and piece of the baby and explained to me how/</div><div>why it looked perfect. I know I still have to wait for the radiologist to take a look, but I </div><div>am feeling really confident right now. </div><div><br /></div><div>We could see very clearly the spine, hands, toes, a beating heart, everything except for the</div><div>the bits that say boy or girl. Hubby decided he didn't want to know, so I guess I can't really </div><div>find out either. I toyed with the idea of having the tech tell me and I would keep it a secret, </div><div>but I think that secret is FAR to big for me to keep. </div><div><br /></div><div>The baby moved quite a bit more then I could feel and it changed positions quite a lot </div><div>during the scan. At first it was stretched right out but curled into a ball by the end of it, </div><div>I don't think it liked the noise very much. The very best part of the scan was seeing the </div><div>baby suck on its thumb, you could even see the jaw moving up and down. ADORABLE!</div><div><br /></div><div>So things seem to be going as planned, Its been a very happy St. Patty's day for me and </div><div>my hubby. Now I think I may spend a little bit of time photoshop-ing a leprechaun hat or </div><div>a clover into babe's photo.....too much? </div><div><br /></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com9tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-51928672806977660902011-03-15T14:06:00.000-07:002011-03-15T14:53:14.249-07:001/2 Way ThereI guess I should post a bit about my pregnancy as I tend to avoid the topic. Like every other blogger who managed to find themselves with a bun in the oven, I feel a bit odd writing about pregnancy. Am I supposed to sound happy? sound sad? complain? not complain? I am not really sure. I don't wish to upset anyone that has been following me but I also want to be truthful about my life. I think everyone comes to this crossroad once they begin their journey to the other-side and I remember reading posts much like this in the past. I know many bloggers decide to change their name when this happens but I very much wish to continue writing under my title "learning to swim in a sea of baby bumps" because (believe it or not) <div>I still feel like I am. <div><br /></div><div>Tomorrow marks the 1/2 way point of my pregnancy, and to tell you the truth that is </div><div>exactly how I feel, 1/2 way between two worlds. I still feel very much connected with the</div><div>IF community but I'm starting to have less to say on the topic, yet at the same time I am </div><div>no where near the confident, blubbling, glowing baby bumps that I see all around me. I </div><div>appear to be in some sort of pregnancy limbo, I am neither here nor there, just along for </div><div>the ride until fate determines where I belong. </div><div><br /></div><div>I know better to complain about any pregnancy symptoms, that always made me crazy </div><div>when I was TTC. All I will say is that other then some mild back aches, fatigue and a </div><div>continuous stuffy nose I am feeling really good. I still get really nervous just before I </div><div>get to hear the baby's heart beat and I refused to believe I could feel movement until </div><div>my last appointment. I have been able to talk freely with others about my growing </div><div>belly, and I even sound excited about it (as opposed to scared out of my mind). </div><div><br /></div><div>Thursday is my 20 week ultrasound, this is the big day I have been waiting for. I refused</div><div>the genetic testing at 12 weeks so I really have not seen the babe since my first ultrasound. </div><div>I also know very little about the baby's health so I am really REALLY hoping that everything looks good. We have decided to keep the sex of the baby a surprise so we will probably get</div><div>some backlash from the grandparents on the weekend, oh well. </div><div><br /></div><div>So I guess while there are still some ups and downs I am feeling very good these days. </div><div>I have been able to calm down about the pregnancy and have been trying to find my new</div><div>reality. Life without charting, timed sex and treatments has been so amazing and yet very</div><div>strange and erie at the same time. I am grateful everyday for this new way of living but sometimes this calm can start to feel like the calm before the storm. I think after so much </div><div>bad news, were always waiting for the other shoe to drop so it becomes very difficult to let ourselves be happy when we can. It's something I work on everyday and I think I will </div><div>continue to do so. </div><div><br /></div><div>What really matters is what is happening right now, and right now I am in a really good </div><div>place and all of my fingers are crossed that this will continue. Please if you have any thoughts/</div><div>prayers left on Thursday afternoon please send them my way!! </div><div><br /></div><div>P.S. My nephew asked if my baby catches my food after I swallow :) </div></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-67905302428369111152011-03-04T08:32:00.000-08:002011-03-04T09:11:03.611-08:00If I Die YoungI have had this post kinda swarming around in my head for about 4 months now, but<br />I just cant seem to get it out on this page. For those of you who have been following this<br />blog you know that back in August I was home for a holiday. You would also know that while<br />I was there my little cousin died in a car crash, just a few miles ahead of us on the highway.<br /><br />At the time we had no idea who was in the crash ahead of us, the police just sent us on an<br />alternate route to our destination. Not thinking much of it, we arrived at another cousins Adam's house for a night of dinner and drinks. Around the table was my hubby and I, my cousin Adam and his brand new fiance who I was meeting for the <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_0" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">first</span> time. We were eating and gabbing and <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_1" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">toastin'</span> the good life when we got the call that our 18 year old cousin Shelby had died in the crash.<br /><br />The next few days were obviously a blur of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_2" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">sadness</span>, questions of why and tributes to the<br />memory of an <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_3" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">absolutely</span> amazing young woman. I still think of her everyday, but what I<br />cant seem to shake is the idea that she has had something to do with my good fortune of late.<br />In fact, both Adam's new fiance and I are expecting in August, exactly one year after<br />our little cousin passed away.<br /><br />I know Adam and I were <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_4" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">toasting</span> the good life at one point during that night, and we really<br /><span id="SPELLING_ERROR_5" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">meant</span> it but both Adam and I had been going through some hard times. He had recently lost his<br />dad in a car crash and his previous fiance had died of brain cancer. I had lost my uncle (his dad, and my dads best friend) and my hubby and I were <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_6" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">desperately</span> trying for a baby. Adam and I had spent our whole lives on family vacations together and wanted nothing more then to grow up, become parents and pass these traditions on to our children, but it just didn't seem to be happening for us.<br /><br />Now here both of us are, after all the hardship, expecting our children just a short 6 months<br />from now. I can't help but think that Shelby has had something to do with these little miracles, like she is up there in heaven making sure that her family is happy and complete without her.<br />Maybe this is her way of helping us through the loss, or her way of letting us know she is watching us. This may sound crazy, and I'm <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_7" class="blsp-spelling-error">ok</span> with that, because something <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_8" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">miraculous</span> must have <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_9" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">happened</span> for me to be where I am today, especially after 2 doctors said there was no hope for us short of <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_10" class="blsp-spelling-error">IVF</span> with <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_11" class="blsp-spelling-error">ICSI</span>.<br /><br />I guess I will never know if she is up there watching over us, but I will choose to <span id="SPELLING_ERROR_12" class="blsp-spelling-corrected">believe</span> and<br />thank her endlessly for sending us such blessings. I miss her and I know my family will never be the same without her but I hope I can live my life in a way that makes her proud.<br /><br />Everytime I hear <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7NJqUN9TClM">this song</a> it stops me in my tracks to think of her.tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-12189396879952823172011-02-13T09:13:00.000-08:002011-02-13T09:32:45.777-08:00So sicky sicky!!!I have not written in a while, mainly because the #$%* has been hitting the fan with <div>work. Ok, well maybe it's not THAT bad, but there is definitely some "restructuring" </div><div>going on. Not only has this restructuring dissolved some partnerships, it may have</div><div>also dissolved some friendships. The stress of it all has been keeping me up at night</div><div>and as a result I have gotten a terrible cold. </div><div><br /></div><div>For the last two days I have basically slept on the couch trying desperately to breath</div><div>through my nose. Nothing is helping, but I guess that is to be expected as I am limited</div><div>to saline nose sprays and lemon tea. I hope this cold passes soon, I have a long week </div><div>ahead of me to resolve these work issues and a mama due any day now. </div><div><br /></div><div>As far as the pregnancy goes, everything seems to be going well. I am gaining lots of </div><div>weight, but not in really the right spots. My arms, legs, and of course my butt are growing</div><div>at an alarming speed. I can no longer fit into most of my cloths, but it doesn't really </div><div>seem to be because of a "baby bump". I will be excited for the day you can tell that a</div><div>little one is in there, but until then I'm afraid I will just look pleasantly plump. </div><div><br /></div><div>I have started slowly back into an exercise regime. It was really hard for me to stay </div><div>away from exercise for the first 12 weeks (and probably unnecessary too, but I am a </div><div>worrier). I have been spending about 1/2 hour on the elliptical every day or two, and </div><div>started to lift weights. I have always continued with yoga and teaching prenatal fitness</div><div>classes, so I wasn't as bad off as I thought. I will keep with the elliptical until I feel </div><div>comfortable enough to head back to spin class. </div><div><br /></div><div>I guess there is not much going on other then that, I am off to my in laws for sunday </div><div>supper, I am going to try my best to look as lively as possible. All I really want to do</div><div>is stay home and sleep...oh well, maybe tomorrow? </div><div><br /></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-24808260931235766592011-02-02T19:32:00.001-08:002011-02-02T19:36:32.013-08:00Together we can make sure someone calls her MamaThis weekend starts an online auction for Sarah at <a href="http://callmemama.wordpress.com/">'Babies Babies Everywhere but none</a><div><a href="http://callmemama.wordpress.com/">that call me mama'</a> Her and her partner are adopting and have fallen short in funds just </div><div>2 months before the big day. They have been waiting a long time for this little miracle</div><div>and my hope is that we can all ban together and bid on her items. Here is the auction:</div><div><br /></div><div><a href="http://thescottsblog.wordpress.com/">Auction!!!!</a></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-1521980894349513742011-02-01T14:32:00.001-08:002011-02-01T15:10:16.608-08:0013 weeksI made it, I can hardly believe it, I am here at 13 weeks with a beating heart, two if <div>you count mine! I have been waiting with white knuckles this whole time and I hope </div><div>this means that I can finally exhale and enjoy this time with my peach. <div><br /></div><div>I get made fun of by my girlfriends about my "stoic" attitude towards this pregnancy so </div><div>far. I think they want me to squeal and jump up and down, but I have been so cautious </div><div>about everything the squealing has just not happened and wouldn't jumping up and down </div><div>knock the baby loose? I'm just kidding about that last bit.......kinda. Even today at the appointment when we heard the heartbeat my hubby teared up and I just said "oh good, </div><div>it's there", it seems to takes a few hours for the good news to sink in. </div><div><br /></div><div>I also purchased my first pair of maternity jeans, not really because I need them, but </div><div>because I wanted to try on the fake bump they give you at the store. I have to tell you</div><div>that I looked perfectly round when I tried the 9 month bump on, I guess that's what </div><div>happens when your just 5 feet tall. I adored having the "bump" and the maternity jeans<br /></div><div>on, although I knew it wasn't real, it kinda helped me realize how real it is about to </div><div>become. The bands on the maternity pants also hid my love handles quite well, which </div><div>is a bonus....I wonder how early is too early to start wearing them! haha</div><div><br /></div><div>Well thats about it for the last few weeks, tonight I am attending a brainstorming </div><div>meeting to explore ways to get IVF funded here in our province. I hope we can make </div><div>some headway and come up with some great rally ideas for the next year, the government needs to hear more about the benefits to funding IVF. </div></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com12tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-352632822311220554.post-71160569120782146962011-01-22T16:28:00.000-08:002011-01-22T18:42:23.029-08:00La la la la Life goes on!I don't have much to say in this post, these days I'm just finding that I need constant <br /><div>support to get me through the days. I always assumed that once I got my BFP that my </div><div>days would be filled with nothing but happiness and excitement but to be honest not<br /></div><div>much has changed. Of course I am happy and excited, but I dunno, I guess maybe I </div><div>expected life to just be shopping for onesies and reading through 6000 page baby name</div><div>books. </div><div><br /></div><div>It's kinda like when you finally reach your goal weight, for anyone who has lost a lot of </div><div>weight at one point, you will understand the analogy. About 7 years ago I lost a little under<br /></div><div>70 pounds, I thought my life was going to be 100% better when I finally reached my goal </div><div>weight; I would get a better job, have more fun, wear better cloths. The truth is, even when </div><div>I reached my goal weight life didn't change all, I still never believed I looked good enough </div><div>to deserve all these things. </div><div><br /></div><div>The truth was, life just kept going. Life did not stop in celebration of my weight loss, just<br /></div><div>as life is not stopping in celebration of this pregnancy. Most days I feel like my only </div><div>thoughts are about this baby and his or her future, it consumes my every moment. It's all</div><div>I want to talk about, all I want to focus on, but for everyone else life just goes on and they </div><div>expect the same for me. I still have to work and clean and fold laundry ext. haha, I suppose</div><div>I should have expected that!</div><div><br /></div><div>Just like with loosing weight I have a hard time believing this has actually happened for </div><div>me. Somedays I have a hard time believing this is real unless I am talking about it with </div><div>someone or writing about it, which is why I feel the need to talk so much. I feel sick a lot</div><div>which helps, but for the most part I can't feel anything or see anything, so it hard to believe</div><div>there is something the size of a lime somewhere in my belly. </div><div><br /></div><div>I will be happy when the days of a big baby bump and kicking feet finally arrives, I hope </div><div>for my sanity that I get there soon. For now I will have to go with the flow and just </div><div>let life continue, I have been working a lot (A LOT) which makes me happy, focusing </div><div>a lot on the fertility department within my company. Next week begins the first of my </div><div>Fertility Yoga Series. I have a few woman (from my support group) signed up and I </div><div>am hoping for 2 more so that it can run. I have worked very hard on the program and </div><div>have some amazing woman working on it with me, a counselor and a nutritionist. </div><div>Fingers crossed that I get two more lovely ladies!!! </div><div><br /></div>tishihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05652109105463448687noreply@blogger.com7