Sunday, October 23, 2011

I have a 2 month old

I have a two month old, which is I guess why I am writing a blog post at 6am.
Up until now little miss would ONLY sleep on me, in her wrap or in the bed
next to me. That makes it very hard to write a blog post or do anything at all
really, but right now she is asleep in her swing and I have two hands free.
She slept yesterday in her stroller while on a walk AND when I was eating so
I ate with both hands too!

I actually despise the fact that I am one of those bloggers now, the ones that
use their baby as an excuse for not writing. I hated it when I was TTC and I
hate it about myself now. The truth is that this blog and all the blogs I follow
were really one of the only things that got me passed the last 3 years and
I will always want to write and read what is happening in blog world.

I am constantly thinking of posts to write but by the time I actually get to
write them I forget what it was or I think no one cares to hear it. I am really
not sure what to write about now, I don't want to talk about my new struggles
as I know that anyone who is TTC would gladly trade my hardships for theirs.

That being said (I hate that term) I will probably continue to write about my
parenting struggles as this is where I am right now, please know that I
understand that these struggles pale in comparison to the struggles of TTC.
As hard as these early days are, I would not go back, I am just happy I know
enough to not say `enjoy sleeping in while you can´. I used to HATE when
people said that to me and I use those hurtful words to remind myself to
be grateful when I am up this early.

The struggles I speak of right now are definitely lack of sleep, lack of
Independence and lack of support. Needless to say I am lacking in many
areas, but these are of most concern. I am NOT getting enough sleep, she is
what my midwife calls as ``snacker`` which means she eats a little, naps,
eats some more, naps, ext. This cycle continues all day and all night which
means she is looking for my boob every 30 min. Not much time in there to
sleep, or do anything really which is where the lack of Independence comes

The lack of support has only to do with the breastfeeding. It seems like
no one trusts that I can feed this baby, no one has confidence in me. At
every turn I am being told to supplement by some ``well meaning``
member of my family. I have no problems with supplementing but at
this point it has not been needed. She is growing steadily, the doctors is
ok with her growth (although she is small) and she is quite happy. I
know I shouldn't be concerning myself with their comments, but when
your this tired and there is an army of people telling you your starving
your child its hard not to worry.

I wish they would shut the hell up!

Ok, thats enough complaining, I`m going to go catch up on the blogs!