Tuesday, August 31, 2010

I'm in Love with a Doctor!!!

Ok, I know this sounds crazy, but I went to a second opinion appointment today
with a pelvic surgeon. My husbands naturopath recommended this surgeon and I 
am so happy she did, because I am in LOVE. He was so cheerful and helpful and just 
really spent the time with me that I needed to feel better about my upcoming 

Why am I so in love?? well, the appointment started off with a letter from him
asking if it was ok if he uses "alternative" medicine such as meditation and healthy
eating to deal with chronic pelvic pain. SO not only is he ok with complementing
medical treatments with alternative medicine, he recommends it!! 

He also asked me how I was doing, and what treatments I have done so far. He 
respected the work Hubby and I have done on our own and he BELIEVED me when
I told him how long my cycles are and when I ovulate. I told him how short my luteal 
phase is, he said "oh dear, that simply will not do, we need to change that". My other 
clinic told me point blank that this does not matter but Dr. Love ordered more 
blood tests immediately to find out why else this could be happening.

Dr. Love also did my pelvic exam/ultrasound himself and talked with me about the 
results. He figures, given my history of pelvic pain and the results of the ultrasound, 
that I have over a 50% chance of having endo. His best guess is that I have stage 1 
or 2 endo, and that it could be controlled with a proper diet & meditation. He still
recommended I have the surgery to alleviate my monthly pain but does not think
that it will really help me get pregnant given our MFI. 

He basically said, "have the surgery if you would like to get rid of your pain, but if
you can deal with the pain every month the surgery is not necessary to move forward 
with fertility treatments". I spent nearly 2 hours with him talking about my options, 
he really listened and I really trusted his opinion. I was so happy with him that I 
decided to book another appointment with him for both my hubby and I. Later this 
week I will be mailing him the results of all our testing thus far. He has also ordered 
blood work,  a semen analysis, and an ultrasound for my Hubby before our next 
meeting. Finally after nearly two years someone has recommended an ultrasound!

So there it is, my surgery is still planned for Friday. A very wonderful friend of mine
took the day off so that she can drive me home from the surgery and watch girly
movies with me. My hubby will be waiting for me the whole time as well. I am 
actually getting kind of excited about possibly being pain free each month!!! If any 
of you out there has any advice for the days before & after the surgery I would
love to hear it!

P.S. There was a picture of a little baby named Jonathan in Dr. Love's waiting room 
that made me tear up. That is what I have always wanted to name my baby boy and I 
took it as a sign that I'm on the right track.....I know baby Jonathan was asian and
I'm caucasian, but still I'll take a sign whenever I can get it :)

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Surgery's & Thank you's

Thank you all so much for your thoughts an prayers over the last week I really did 
appreciate the comments. I have to admit that this week has been very hard for me, 
soon after hearing the news that my cousin had died, my husband found out he lost 
his job. Of course after loosing a family member, the loss of a job seemed rather
trivial, but now that were trying to work out a budget it seems quite large.

The 4 days following the accident I spent with my family, attending the wake and the 
funeral. It really was some of the saddest days of my life, I still can not really understand
why things like this happen to such wonderful people. Her mother and grandparents 
are devastated and I worry so much for them. I just don't know how my family is going 
to cope with the void this has caused, but I prey everyday they find the strength to morn 
her loss and to eventually smile again. I know that she will be missed, I know she was 
loved, and I know that way up there in heaven the angels now have a new boss :)

Over the last week I also received the news that my Laparoscopy has been scheduled 
for Sept. 3rd. It really was terrible timing as I had taken June/July off work for the 
Surgery and JAM PACKED my september with clients to make up for the loss of income. 
I should have known the hospital would have been behind schedule, but I really had 
no Idea they would be that far behind, after all, the surgery was set for the beginning of
june. I have been waiting a long time to finally get in, so I know I should to it, but at 
the same time I have lots of clients that are depending on me for September. 

I am also feeling really nervous about the surgery and am not sure if I really want to 
go through with it. I am sure I will, as I need to do something to move forward, but I'm 
worried that something terrible will happen. What If I am completely healthy and this 
surgery messes everything up? we know for sure that my husband has MFI, maybe 
that is the only issue? What if this surgery actually causes more harm then good by 
leaving extra scar tissue? 

I know I'm being irrational, I'm just nervous and overwhelmed with everything that
has gone on. I just want to crawl in bed for 2 weeks while I sort everything out in my
head, but no one will let me :( Hopefully as the week goes by It will become clearer what 
I should do, I have confirmed the date with the surgeon and as it stands (unless I chicken
out) next Friday I am surgery bound!!!!

Friday, August 20, 2010

Love, Loss, & Holidays

I have been without my computer for about 2 weeks now, I have to admit that I have
been going through some sort of "comment" withdraw. It's been hard going through
these last few weeks without writing down everything I feel as soon as I feel it, and
getting the support I need from my online community.

Hubby and I have been in my hometown for holidays, both to visit my family/friends
and to celebrate our Anniversary. The first week was crazy, as it always is when I
go home for any amount of time, there is always so many people to visit and so much
to catch up on. It was my first big trip home since trying to conceive, so that was a
bit hard on me. There were lots of questions as to why we had not started a family
yet and just before our anniversary party there was a pregnancy announcement.
I actually ended up crying through the first 2 or 3 days until I got used to it all.

The second week of our holiday was spent together on the Cape Breton Highlands, although
it was nice to be surrounded by friends and family, it was also very nice to have a few
days alone with my hubby. We celebrated our anniversary in a beautiful hotel on the edge
of a cliff eating seafood and drinking beer. It was a perfect way to spend the night, so
perfect that I almost forgot about all our troubles.

The day after our anniversary we drove to a smaller town to visit my cousin who lives
in an even smaller town. He met us at a local gas station so that we could follow him to
his house, it would have been too hard for us to find on our own. He let me know that
there was a car accident just ahead so we took an alternative route through a very
long windy back road.

My hubby and I were so excited to see him, he stood for us in our wedding and it had
been 2 years since we were all together. We were only at his place for an hour or so when
the phone calls started coming in. At first my cousin thought people were calling to make
sure it was not us in the accident, but when he finally answered the phone I could see on
his face that something was wrong. All he said was "Shelby's Gone" and I knew nothing
would ever be the same for our family again.

So here I am, alone, writing this post. My husband has gone home and I am here waiting
for my 18 year old cousin's funeral. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the events
of the last few days. I do know that the days I spent crying about IF should have been
spent thanking my lucky stars that I had a large, loving, and WHOLE family around me.
I know that IF is hard, and that there are days where I have no choice to be sad and
it is healthy to do so, but I would trade everything I have to go back to those days.

Below is a picture of my cousin, please pray for my family to have the strength to
comfort each other during these days.

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Helping the IF community!

A very close friend of mine here in Toronto is a Chinese Medicine Doctor who works primarily in Woman's Health. For the last few years she has been dedicated to helping 
woman & couples with infertility Issues. To help her understand the "emotional" side of fertility, and to design a program that could benefit our IF community, she has created a survey to get to know us better. If you have a few minutes please answer the 
questions below either in the comments or send the answers to my e-mail address  natasha@bebomia.com, you may also reach her directly if you choose. 

Below is a note about Tanya, the survey is to follow....Thank You in advance for helping out, I know she is going to create a wonderful program that will help 
many IF couples in the future!

Tanya Smith, is a Doctor of Chinese Medicine that works with women and couples who are feeling devastated by their struggle to get pregnant. She is working on developing fertility programs to help couples get pregnant and finally start their families. 

She is looking for couples who would be willing to help her develop these programs by answering a few questions related to your experience of your fertility journey. Please fill out the short survey. Alternately, she is happy to meet with you either in person or on the phone. If you are willing, 
please contact her at tanya@lifecycleswellness.com or 
647-428-7200 within the next few weeks.

She greatly appreciates any input you would have!

The Survey:

What is your biggest frustration right now related to getting pregnant?

What worries you? What keeps you up at night?

What changed have you already made to get pregnant?

Where do you get your information about fertility treatments and improving your chances 
of getting pregnant?

What help are you seeking to help you get pregnant? how do you decide who's 
help you will seek?

How much time are you already investing into getting pregnant?

How much money are you willing or able to Invest?

What would you like to learn more about in relation to your fertility?

Who do you consider an expert or Authority in fertility?

Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Very Infertile Day - In a Good Way

Yesterday I spent the ENTIRE day with infertile men & woman, It all started with my fertility group Fertili-TEA meeting, where we all gathered for high-tea! Then I ran home
as fast as I could to prep for my Cousin-In-Laws to come over for a BBQ. 

The Fertili-TEA meeting was so lovely (and very much needed), we had lavender tea in 
the coach house of a trendy little tea shop in the city. It was a bright sunny day and the 
double doors of the coach house looked on to a patio full of antique tables and flowers. 
There really is nothing like venting your fustrations over tea and delicious deserts, 
Jelly Belly was even scored a gluten free cupcake! 

Of course conversation was largely dominated by Infertility, but we always manage to 
have a really great time. I am sure that from the outside we look just like any other 
group of woman getting together to eat sweets and gossip the afternoon away. No one
would ever suspect that were all slowly dying on the inside (ok, so that's a bit dramatic
but it feels that way sometimes, right?)

We had 2 new joiners in the group this week and one of them has the same R.E. as me, 
can you believe it? Turns out though that she has been putting up with the same &$%#
as me. For months she's been on a waiting list for a surgery that she may not even need and 
thinks the Doctor is arrogant and demeaning (see, I'm not crazy). After talking with her
we both decided that our instincts were right and we were just another number being put through their "McDonnalds Style" approach to fertility treatments. The sooner I am 
done with him, the better!

The BBQ with my Cousin-In-Law was also a blast, It was at a recent baby shower that we 
discovered her and her hubby were also struggling to start a family. Since then she and I 
have written back and forth non stop, so I decided it was time to invite them over. Again
the conversation was largely about Infertility, but really, when else can you talk openly
about sperm while BBQing? almost NEVER!! almost. 

The first topic of conversation was, of course, the birth of a new baby in the family, 
the birth in which we have not heard the end of for two weeks. "have you seen the 
baby?" "Mama did so great, such a trooper" "you should visit them, the baby is so 
sweet"...need I go on? There is even a video of the baby that my poor Cousin-In-Law 
was forced to watch :(

We chatted about many other topics through the night, but we would come back to 
infertility from time to time. I can't tell you how great it was to share a few drinks with 
a couple who really understands, who really knows how hard it is to be ditched time and 
time again because of some child related excuse, or how much it sucks to be the last one 
at work because everyone else has a "family" and can't stay late. Yup, we really let it all 
out, perhaps we went a bit overboard, but I think we needed a little vent. 

At one point we even talked about what our lives would be like if we all decided to 
remain child free. Everyone said what they would like to do if children were not in the 
cards, then we bragged a little about being able to sleep in and enjoy a few drinks. The 
sad part was that I couldn't think of ANYTHING I wanted to do if I had no children, but 
you will be happy to know that over the last 24 hours I have come up with something.
I would go back to school to become a midwife (probably not a great choice for an 
infertile, but it would be a hell of a lot easier to be a midwife without children)

I know they say that "misery loves company" and I suppose in a way this is why we 
are all being brought together. To be honest though, I am really happy to have this 
opportunity to get to know these people better.