Monday, May 17, 2010

A Good Baby Shower???

I know that sounds like an oxymoron here on these blogs, but it's true,
I actually went to a good baby shower. Ok, well the baby shower itself
was a huge money grabbing circus (really, I don't even think the 
octomom needed this much swag) but I ended up sitting next to a 
very special person. 

First, let me explain the circumstances surrounding this shower by
saying that this was indeed a "big fat greek shower". I am a Canadian 
girl of Catholic origin who is married to a Greek Orthodox man and
his entire Greek family. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE his family, 
but sometimes their need for babies can be a bit overwhelming. 
I already feel like I will never measure up as the "perfect wife" for
their son because I am not Greek, but add being unable to produce
offspring and the relationship can get a bit strained. 

Soooooo, when I got a baby shower invite for the PURE Greek couple 
that got married after us, I was feeling a little less then adequate. 
Needless to say I did not want to go to this shower, I flip flopped back
and forth until finally my Catholic guilt got the better of me and I 
replied "yes" to the invite. 

Ok, now back to that special person I mentioned earlier, she is my 
husbands cousin and we were seated next to each other during 
the shower (yes this shower was big enough for a seating arrangement, 
crazy I know). This cousin and I have been placed next to each other 
before and I have always been happy for this, both because she's super 
funny and because she also has no children. 

It had always seemed a little strange to me that her and her husband
had yet to have children. They have been married for years and she
loves children, I have seen her with her nieces and I think she would 
make the best mom EVER. She had always blown off the "so whenz it 
your turn?" question, so I just assumed that she was more interested 
in work or they were just waiting for the "right time".

At some point during the shower I heard her say the word "fertility 
treatment" and without even thinking about it, I butted in and asked 
her if she was trying for a baby. Turns out they have been trying for 
years and like us are exploring their options. I could hardly believe it, 
somehow, amongst all the pink and blue gift bags and baby 
paraphernalia I bumped into another infertile. I should have guessed 
though, considering her drink of choice was a vodka and orange 
at 11:00am!

We ended up going on and on about our treatments and tests, I think 
it was the first time in baby shower history that NOT having children 
was the dominant topic of conversation at the table. We were both 
finally able to take off our fake smiles and say what we were really 
thinking "I'd rather be anywhere but here!". . Sure the members of 
our family who know what were going through want us to "just be 
happy for the mommy to be" but the truth is we weren't and we were 
tired of pretending. It wasn't long before the two of us moved into 
the lobby to escape the 2 hour gift opening extravaganza. 

I can't tell you how amazing it was to be at a shower and be honest 
about how I was really feeling. I know now that it was more then just 
catholic guilt that made me go to that shower. I really do believe I was 
meant to be there, to sit next to our cousin and feel for the first time 
that I am not alone, even amongst my husbands big Greek family. 
I am sure that her and I will grow closer because of this and although 
I am sad that we are both growing through it, I will forever find her a 
huge breath of fresh air at future family gatherings.


  1. What a wonderful gift for you both to find each other in the midst of baby-crazy central.

  2. I don't believe in coincidences I think it was perfect you two got to talk and share stories!!!! It was the perfect scenario for a baby shower for both of you!!

  3. I don't believe it was by chance either. I am so happy you could find a bit of relief in the midst of baby-mania. And now you two have this special bond. Wonderful!

  4. That is like a dream come true! Congratulations on finding a kindred soul, and even more special that it's family. You totally scored today.

  5. Wow!!! How cool to meet up with some that is going through the same thing as you! Definitely not a coincidence!!!! So glad that it made a baby shower better for you!

  6. Nice that you were able to find another "friend" amongst the Greek relative..i know it is challenging to be around folks who just don't understand and the worse part is that they are "family".

  7. That is amazing that you found her, and were both able to speak so openly with each other! I think you're right - you have started an amazing friendship with her.

  8. It was a huge relief to FINALLY be able to give up on the fake smile & for ONCE really say how I felt without being told to hush up & be happy. Although I am so sad that you have to be going through the samething as me, I am unbelievable happy that I now have someone who ACTUALLY understands how I feel at all these freaking "celebrations". Love you Tishi & thank you for being there on sunday.

  9. How great is that? Finding an ally in enemy land :)

  10. Definitely meant to be! I am glad that you were able to find another person in the depths of IF!

    It is like a breathe of fresh air in a normally suffocating situation!

    Cheers to that!

  11. That is awesome! I love it that you were able to find some support in such a (normally) painful and horrible event. How great to feel not completely alone in a sea of super-fertile women!