I know that sounds like an oxymoron here on these blogs, but it's true,
I actually went to a good baby shower. Ok, well the baby shower itself
was a huge money grabbing circus (really, I don't even think the
octomom needed this much swag) but I ended up sitting next to a
very special person.
First, let me explain the circumstances surrounding this shower by
saying that this was indeed a "big fat greek shower". I am a Canadian
girl of Catholic origin who is married to a Greek Orthodox man and
his entire Greek family. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE his family,
but sometimes their need for babies can be a bit overwhelming.
I already feel like I will never measure up as the "perfect wife" for
their son because I am not Greek, but add being unable to produce
offspring and the relationship can get a bit strained.
Soooooo, when I got a baby shower invite for the PURE Greek couple
that got married after us, I was feeling a little less then adequate.
Needless to say I did not want to go to this shower, I flip flopped back
and forth until finally my Catholic guilt got the better of me and I
replied "yes" to the invite.
Ok, now back to that special person I mentioned earlier, she is my
husbands cousin and we were seated next to each other during
the shower (yes this shower was big enough for a seating arrangement,
crazy I know). This cousin and I have been placed next to each other
before and I have always been happy for this, both because she's super
funny and because she also has no children.
It had always seemed a little strange to me that her and her husband
had yet to have children. They have been married for years and she
loves children, I have seen her with her nieces and I think she would
make the best mom EVER. She had always blown off the "so whenz it
your turn?" question, so I just assumed that she was more interested
in work or they were just waiting for the "right time".
At some point during the shower I heard her say the word "fertility
treatment" and without even thinking about it, I butted in and asked
her if she was trying for a baby. Turns out they have been trying for
years and like us are exploring their options. I could hardly believe it,
somehow, amongst all the pink and blue gift bags and baby
paraphernalia I bumped into another infertile. I should have guessed
though, considering her drink of choice was a vodka and orange
We ended up going on and on about our treatments and tests, I think
it was the first time in baby shower history that NOT having children
was the dominant topic of conversation at the table. We were both
finally able to take off our fake smiles and say what we were really
thinking "I'd rather be anywhere but here!". . Sure the members of
our family who know what were going through want us to "just be
happy for the mommy to be" but the truth is we weren't and we were
tired of pretending. It wasn't long before the two of us moved into
the lobby to escape the 2 hour gift opening extravaganza.
I can't tell you how amazing it was to be at a shower and be honest
about how I was really feeling. I know now that it was more then just
catholic guilt that made me go to that shower. I really do believe I was
meant to be there, to sit next to our cousin and feel for the first time
that I am not alone, even amongst my husbands big Greek family.
I am sure that her and I will grow closer because of this and although
I am sad that we are both growing through it, I will forever find her a
huge breath of fresh air at future family gatherings.