Love, Loss, & Holidays

I have been without my computer for about 2 weeks now, I have to admit that I have
been going through some sort of "comment" withdraw. It's been hard going through
these last few weeks without writing down everything I feel as soon as I feel it, and
getting the support I need from my online community.

Hubby and I have been in my hometown for holidays, both to visit my family/friends
and to celebrate our Anniversary. The first week was crazy, as it always is when I
go home for any amount of time, there is always so many people to visit and so much
to catch up on. It was my first big trip home since trying to conceive, so that was a
bit hard on me. There were lots of questions as to why we had not started a family
yet and just before our anniversary party there was a pregnancy announcement.
I actually ended up crying through the first 2 or 3 days until I got used to it all.

The second week of our holiday was spent together on the Cape Breton Highlands, although
it was nice to be surrounded by friends and family, it was also very nice to have a few
days alone with my hubby. We celebrated our anniversary in a beautiful hotel on the edge
of a cliff eating seafood and drinking beer. It was a perfect way to spend the night, so
perfect that I almost forgot about all our troubles.

The day after our anniversary we drove to a smaller town to visit my cousin who lives
in an even smaller town. He met us at a local gas station so that we could follow him to
his house, it would have been too hard for us to find on our own. He let me know that
there was a car accident just ahead so we took an alternative route through a very
long windy back road.

My hubby and I were so excited to see him, he stood for us in our wedding and it had
been 2 years since we were all together. We were only at his place for an hour or so when
the phone calls started coming in. At first my cousin thought people were calling to make
sure it was not us in the accident, but when he finally answered the phone I could see on
his face that something was wrong. All he said was "Shelby's Gone" and I knew nothing
would ever be the same for our family again.

So here I am, alone, writing this post. My husband has gone home and I am here waiting
for my 18 year old cousin's funeral. I just can't seem to wrap my head around the events
of the last few days. I do know that the days I spent crying about IF should have been
spent thanking my lucky stars that I had a large, loving, and WHOLE family around me.
I know that IF is hard, and that there are days where I have no choice to be sad and
it is healthy to do so, but I would trade everything I have to go back to those days.

Below is a picture of my cousin, please pray for my family to have the strength to
comfort each other during these days.