Sunday, August 1, 2010

A Very Infertile Day - In a Good Way

Yesterday I spent the ENTIRE day with infertile men & woman, It all started with my fertility group Fertili-TEA meeting, where we all gathered for high-tea! Then I ran home
as fast as I could to prep for my Cousin-In-Laws to come over for a BBQ. 

The Fertili-TEA meeting was so lovely (and very much needed), we had lavender tea in 
the coach house of a trendy little tea shop in the city. It was a bright sunny day and the 
double doors of the coach house looked on to a patio full of antique tables and flowers. 
There really is nothing like venting your fustrations over tea and delicious deserts, 
Jelly Belly was even scored a gluten free cupcake! 

Of course conversation was largely dominated by Infertility, but we always manage to 
have a really great time. I am sure that from the outside we look just like any other 
group of woman getting together to eat sweets and gossip the afternoon away. No one
would ever suspect that were all slowly dying on the inside (ok, so that's a bit dramatic
but it feels that way sometimes, right?)

We had 2 new joiners in the group this week and one of them has the same R.E. as me, 
can you believe it? Turns out though that she has been putting up with the same &$%#
as me. For months she's been on a waiting list for a surgery that she may not even need and 
thinks the Doctor is arrogant and demeaning (see, I'm not crazy). After talking with her
we both decided that our instincts were right and we were just another number being put through their "McDonnalds Style" approach to fertility treatments. The sooner I am 
done with him, the better!

The BBQ with my Cousin-In-Law was also a blast, It was at a recent baby shower that we 
discovered her and her hubby were also struggling to start a family. Since then she and I 
have written back and forth non stop, so I decided it was time to invite them over. Again
the conversation was largely about Infertility, but really, when else can you talk openly
about sperm while BBQing? almost NEVER!! almost. 

The first topic of conversation was, of course, the birth of a new baby in the family, 
the birth in which we have not heard the end of for two weeks. "have you seen the 
baby?" "Mama did so great, such a trooper" "you should visit them, the baby is so 
sweet"...need I go on? There is even a video of the baby that my poor Cousin-In-Law 
was forced to watch :(

We chatted about many other topics through the night, but we would come back to 
infertility from time to time. I can't tell you how great it was to share a few drinks with 
a couple who really understands, who really knows how hard it is to be ditched time and 
time again because of some child related excuse, or how much it sucks to be the last one 
at work because everyone else has a "family" and can't stay late. Yup, we really let it all 
out, perhaps we went a bit overboard, but I think we needed a little vent. 

At one point we even talked about what our lives would be like if we all decided to 
remain child free. Everyone said what they would like to do if children were not in the 
cards, then we bragged a little about being able to sleep in and enjoy a few drinks. The 
sad part was that I couldn't think of ANYTHING I wanted to do if I had no children, but 
you will be happy to know that over the last 24 hours I have come up with something.
I would go back to school to become a midwife (probably not a great choice for an 
infertile, but it would be a hell of a lot easier to be a midwife without children)

I know they say that "misery loves company" and I suppose in a way this is why we 
are all being brought together. To be honest though, I am really happy to have this 
opportunity to get to know these people better. 


  1. You are so lucky to have a wonderful support group. I live in a VERY small town and have yet to find a group like this (not to mention a place where you can have high tea!) How did you find / start / join them?

  2. Lovely! I always enjoy getting together with the infertile girls in our area - it's energizing, uplifting and even though we talk about infertility the whole time, I always leave feeling less alone and happier!
    The tea sounds fun (and the gf cupcake) :).

  3. sounds like a fantastic day!If your not lovin' your clinic please ask around for a recommendation for a clinic that is good?! I won't recommend mine as he's only good for surrogacy/egg donation stuff, but, my clinic in montreal was AMAZING amazing amazing, so they gotta be out there?

  4. This sounds wonderful. I would love to be able to go to a Fertile-TEA meeting - amazing! That's so nice that you have such a good support network. Also, how cool that you have your cousin-in-law to discuss these things with. Obviously I don't wish infertility on either one of you, but it's nice that you have each other.

    It's so funny that you refer to your doc as McD's style. We call our doc the Wal.mart doc...

  5. I wish I was able to make it! But unfortunately I was stuck having to go to a "Baby Shower" long story short..I couldn't get out of it! will post about it on my blog very soon! ughhhh trust me i had a few more glasses of red wine then I intended to drink.

    Yes, we infertile girls need to support each other and get together...heck we are surrounded by so many fertile folks it is quite suffocating at times.

    Glad to hear you were able to find a bond and connection with your cousin-in law who is also going through something similar!

    I know you might have heard this before but maybe seeking another clinic/doctor that takes your frustrations/questions etc about infertility seriously would be better for you in the long run..this is a very frustrating process and you need a supportive and caring doctor.

  6. I am so jealous of your support group!!! I love that you all have each other. Your meet up location sounded very lovely....awwwww! xoxoxoxox

  7. Hi! I just found your blog, and am excited to follow you. I am currently taking the natural approach TTC, after a bad round of Clomid, and finding cysts. Anyways, I look forward to reading about chinese herbs and acupuncture, etc.

    Feel free to follow me!

  8. Ohhhh so excited to see that you have a support group in your area- not to mention what a fab name for the group!! :-) Is it through Resolve or no? I just signed up to try and start a PLSG in my area and would love to hear more thoughts on how your support group runs!!
    Love your blog!


  9. It was a great afternoon, especially because I got to eat cake!!!!!

    Thank you again for organizing a wonderful afternoon, despite IF! :)

  10. How wonderful that you have both online and in real life support. Especially since you spend so much time around the fertile. I'm so glad you and your cousin found each other.