Tuesday, October 6, 2009

In good company - Cycle Monitoring

So today was CD8 for me, and also my very first day of Cycle Monitoring.
I was not really looking forward to this, as I was asked to be to the clinic
by 7am (early for me) but I made it there, bladder full and waiting to go.

I was both excited and scared of the diagnostic testing, I am excited that 
one day I may know what is "wrong with me" but on the other hand I am 
worried that one day I may know what is "wrong with me". I also dreaded 
the waiting room, what I might see, what I might hear, who else would be

The weird thing is, I was oddly comforted by the time I spent in the
waiting room. I felt like I was no longer alone, that I was looking
at others who are out there, others who know what I'm going through.
I didn't need to pretend to be happy, I didn't need to force a smile. 
I could just sit there......and feel how I feel. I could look
as sad as I wanted to, and no one was going to offer me words of 
wisdom, no "its ok, next month is your month" or "its really not
that bad, you haven't been trying that long" none of that. There was
just faces of understanding, I felt like they knew more about me
then some of my closest friends. It was like we all shared a secret, 
we were part of a secret society. 

The testing itself was not so bad, just some blood work, a belly 
ultrasound and then an ultrasound with a (sorry about the language) 
dildo looking thingy (ok, that part was kinda weird, but
it wasn't awful) Tonight I get to call the clinic number and enter
my secret pin, maybe they will have some news for me. If not
I'm back again tomorrow at 7am to do the same thing. I will 
bring a nice book, settle in, and enjoy a bit of time away from the


  1. I found the waiting room in an RE's office to be a strange experience. The one time I had to spend an hour there was at my former RE's when I arrived first thing in the morning and they were supposed to take me right back for an ultrasound and then "forgot" I was there. Just add it to the list of reasons they are my former RE.

    Anyway, it was weird to sit silently among several other people who are there for the same reasons. Nobody talking. I remember thinking about how bad it would be if I ran into someone I knew there. (Nobody locally knows we are even TTC, let alone doing IVF.)

    Hopefully you get some good news tonight when you call!

  2. Haha, yeah, it's kinda like that... a secret society of infertiles :-)
    None of us wants to be part of it and that's why we relate so easily I think. Good luck with the results and thanks for the book tip!

  3. Ah yes, the amazing dildo-cam. Don't you just love walking out of an appointment feeling semi-violated?

    Also, like Heather I'm afraid of running into someone I know in the waiting room.

  4. Ugh the dildo cam. So weird. I am glad your appointment went smoothly. I know how you feel about the weird sense of comfort at being surrounded by other women who (even if they aren't talking to you) totally understand what you're dealing with.