So today was CD8 for me, and also my very first day of Cycle Monitoring.
I was not really looking forward to this, as I was asked to be to the clinic
by 7am (early for me) but I made it there, bladder full and waiting to go.
I was both excited and scared of the diagnostic testing, I am excited that
one day I may know what is "wrong with me" but on the other hand I am
worried that one day I may know what is "wrong with me". I also dreaded
the waiting room, what I might see, what I might hear, who else would be
The weird thing is, I was oddly comforted by the time I spent in the
waiting room. I felt like I was no longer alone, that I was looking
at others who are out there, others who know what I'm going through.
I didn't need to pretend to be happy, I didn't need to force a smile.
I could just sit there......and feel how I feel. I could look
as sad as I wanted to, and no one was going to offer me words of
wisdom, no "its ok, next month is your month" or "its really not
that bad, you haven't been trying that long" none of that. There was
just faces of understanding, I felt like they knew more about me
then some of my closest friends. It was like we all shared a secret,
we were part of a secret society.
The testing itself was not so bad, just some blood work, a belly
ultrasound and then an ultrasound with a (sorry about the language)
dildo looking thingy (ok, that part was kinda weird, but
it wasn't awful) Tonight I get to call the clinic number and enter
my secret pin, maybe they will have some news for me. If not
I'm back again tomorrow at 7am to do the same thing. I will
bring a nice book, settle in, and enjoy a bit of time away from the