Tuesday, October 20, 2009

A strange day...or is it?

Sometimes I have to wonder why things happen the way they do.
I am constantly hearing "god has a plan for you" or "everything 
happens for a reason" and depending on the day, I believe it. 
Today would be one of those days. 

Last night I received a phone call from a woman seeking doula 
services. She asked If we would be able to meet for an interview
sometime this week, so today after my first fitness class I made 
my way to her home. The interview started off really well, she 
was just the sweetest woman and she had the cutest baby bump.
She offered me some tea and while she poured me a cup she 
let me know that this baby was "three years in the making".
I let her continue with her story, the disappointments, the drugs, 
the surgeries, the IVF's and how finally after 3 transfers she 
became pregnant. 

Soon the conversation moved towards the pregnancy and delivery, 
and the dreaded question came up "do you have any children?"
A question that I am asked in every interview. 

Normally this question just sends a knife to my heart and I answer
with the same politeness I usually use with nosey family 
members. Then I finish my answer with all the benefits of having 
a childless doula "I don't have to scramble for childcare if you go 
into labor in the middle of the night!"

Today, I answered the question in a totally different way, 
I let her know that my husband and I have been trying, but 
"no luck yet". This sent our conversation in a totally different 
direction, she really opened up about her struggle and about the 
pain she felt as she watched her friends "lap" her with their 2nd 
and 3rd child. 

Now this is where it gets a little strange. I told her we had just 
started work with an R.E, a Dr. that I am really not a big fan 
of so far. I think the word "a#% hole" may have actually 
slipped out (oops). She smiled and asked what his name was, 
soon as I told her she laughed "THAT WAS MY R.E. TOO!"
and to my surprise, even though she was standing there
with that cute baby bump, she let me know that she was not 
happy with him at all. He was a huge "a#@ hole" with her as well, 
so much so that she often left her appointments crying. She felt 
bullied into many of the treatments and now believes that if 
she had tried another Dr. (one that did not specialize in surgery) 
They may have tried some other treatments, such as looking 
more into hormone levels. Although she is happy the IVF worked, 
she gives much of the credit to the accupunture she used during 
her 3rd cycle (the one that resulted in a pregnancy) She let me 
know of some other options here in Toronto, other Dr's and 
clinics that she would have liked to use had she known of them 

So, that was my day. I have no Idea why, out of all the doulas, 
she called me, or why, out of all the R.E's we managed to have 
the same one. But what I do know is, a woman who needed
a doula that understands her situation and a woman who was in 
search of R.E. advice are both happier today because their 
paths crossed. 


  1. I'm with you on the things happening for a reason (when they end up going my way is usually when my belief is strongest...). Whatever prompted today's meeting, it's awesome that it occurred when you needed it to occur.

  2. Hmmm...maybe it's a sign that this RE isn't the best fit for you. Maybe the stars aligned to reinforce your gut instinct about him. My gut has never let me down yet. ;)

  3. That was certainly not a coincidental meeting. Now, you get to decide where else it can lead you or support you.

  4. I'm glad that you have made this connection (i actually think there are more infertile people out there then you think - after all 1 in 6 couples - so maybe it would be 1 in 6 of your clients as well?).

  5. I like to think that those kinds of things aren't just coincidence. It's amazing when you cross paths with a stranger and it ends up enriching both of your lives.

  6. I believe you were meant to meet. That is such an amazing story and hopefully you both went away from that meeting a little richer :)

  7. I really like this story! It is always so encouraging to meet someone who got pregnant after a struggle with IF. I can only imagine how much more comforting it must have been for you since, as a doula, you are around pregnant women so much. I am glad it made you both feel so happy.