I am constantly hearing "god has a plan for you" or "everything
happens for a reason" and depending on the day, I believe it.
Today would be one of those days.
Last night I received a phone call from a woman seeking doula
services. She asked If we would be able to meet for an interview
sometime this week, so today after my first fitness class I made
my way to her home. The interview started off really well, she
was just the sweetest woman and she had the cutest baby bump.
She offered me some tea and while she poured me a cup she
let me know that this baby was "three years in the making".
I let her continue with her story, the disappointments, the drugs,
the surgeries, the IVF's and how finally after 3 transfers she
Soon the conversation moved towards the pregnancy and delivery,
and the dreaded question came up "do you have any children?"
A question that I am asked in every interview.
Normally this question just sends a knife to my heart and I answer
with the same politeness I usually use with nosey family
members. Then I finish my answer with all the benefits of having
a childless doula "I don't have to scramble for childcare if you go
into labor in the middle of the night!"
Today, I answered the question in a totally different way,
I let her know that my husband and I have been trying, but
"no luck yet". This sent our conversation in a totally different
direction, she really opened up about her struggle and about the
pain she felt as she watched her friends "lap" her with their 2nd
and 3rd child.
Now this is where it gets a little strange. I told her we had just
started work with an R.E, a Dr. that I am really not a big fan
of so far. I think the word "a#% hole" may have actually
slipped out (oops). She smiled and asked what his name was,
soon as I told her she laughed "THAT WAS MY R.E. TOO!"
and to my surprise, even though she was standing there
with that cute baby bump, she let me know that she was not
happy with him at all. He was a huge "a#@ hole" with her as well,
so much so that she often left her appointments crying. She felt
bullied into many of the treatments and now believes that if
she had tried another Dr. (one that did not specialize in surgery)
They may have tried some other treatments, such as looking
more into hormone levels. Although she is happy the IVF worked,
she gives much of the credit to the accupunture she used during
her 3rd cycle (the one that resulted in a pregnancy) She let me
know of some other options here in Toronto, other Dr's and
clinics that she would have liked to use had she known of them
So, that was my day. I have no Idea why, out of all the doulas,
she called me, or why, out of all the R.E's we managed to have
the same one. But what I do know is, a woman who needed
a doula that understands her situation and a woman who was in
search of R.E. advice are both happier today because their