Friday, January 8, 2010

Crying in the Car....again!

For some reason my car seems to be the best place to cry, I don't know
if it's because there is a steady stream of sad music blastin' in my 
speakers or if it's because the areas I tend to drive in are crawling with
mommies and their high end strollers. I swear only mothers and babies
live in the area I work, I think there is actually stating that they must 
pack up and leave when their baby turns 3. 

Anyway, I got distracted from the real reason I am writing this post, 
I wanted to talk about the news I received yesterday. It all started with 
my new motorola speaker phone that allows me to drive and talk 
hands free. I was so excited about this new phone and after waiting 
all week, someone finally called. Excited I pressed the button to test out 
my new toy and began to talk. So there I was, talking away when I 
realized my friend on the other end did not seem so happy. 

"I have something to tell you" she said as she sobbed

"ok girly, I'm here for you, what is it?" I said, not really understanding 
what was happening, but I was understandably worried for her. 

"I don't really want to say anything because I know what your going
through and I don't want you to get upset................."

She continued on for a while, her voice filling the car, but I was no 
longer listening, I knew what she had to say. She was pregnant again, 
her older child just over a year old. Because I was on this stupid speaker 
phone I tried my best to keep it together. I did not want her to know 
I had also begun to cry. 

"oh, oh sweety, it's ok, your allowed to be pregnant, if your happy
I'm happy for you" I said as fast as I could but she was inconsolable,
she knew her news was hurting me and she was just beside herself. 

After a bit of talking she started to feel better about her news, she
said she was actually having a hard time feeling happy about her 
pregnancy because she was so worried to tell me. When we hanging up I 
continued to cry, now with a little more volume. I was not exactly sure 
why I was crying, was I sad because yet again I was lapped? or was I 
sad because I had stolen a very special moment away from my friend. 
I mean, she has every right to be happy, didn't she? that should have 
been a great day for her, but instead she was filled with dread because 
of the stress I had put on her. 

She truly is a good friend, and I thank her endlessly for breaking the 
news in such a compassionate matter. I am sure I would be feeling
differently right now if she just came out and said "surprise, baby on 
board!!" but she didn't, she was kind and understanding. I'm really 
starting to think its NOT the pregnancy announcements that are 
making me upset, but the way they are announced. I am going to 
try in the future not to react so emotionally to pregnancy 
announcements so that friends are not terrified to tell me their
good news. My only hope is that in return, people follow my friends
lead and break it to us in a more understanding and respectful 


  1. She sounds like a really fantastic friend, I had one like that but she sent it via email (with an explination of her own infertility), it really touched me and I had the same kind of realization.
    The best advice I have read is that as soon as someone announces it plaster a huge smile on your face(or even before if you anticipate it) say how happy you are for them and take really huge deep breaths. Then ASAP get your ass to a place where you are totally alone and cry your butt off (this way you are letting your friend know your happy but respecting your emotions too).
    I am an everywhere crier and have cried numerous times in my car, walking from one of montreal to another and now on a train.
    hugs lady.

  2. I much prefer to get the news via email than in person or phone. That way I can cry, throw my hissy fit or whatever reaction I need to get through before I can give a positive response. Even if I don't really mean it.

  3. I'm seriously dreading the first "We're pregnant" announcement post my miscarriage. It's just so hard to deal with.

    And the car is a great place for crying. I've done it many times.

    I'm a new reader, but I'll be bookmarking your blog.

  4. It sounds like you have a really good friend. She actually knows what kind of pain a pregnancy announcement can bring to an infertile girl! Wow. It is a shame that she couldn't experience complete and utter happiness with her pregnancy announcement to you - but I'm sure that's what she got with the announcement to her family (and probably everyone else in her life), so I don't think you should feel guilty about robbing her of joy. It's not like you were infertile on purpose, just to make her life more difficult...
    I think that it definitely makes a difference HOW friends announce their pregnancies...definitely.

  5. I cry in the car least once or twice a week. The poor people I pull up next to at stop lights... Big hug. It's so tough when friends and family become pregnant. It def. strains relationships, but, it is so hard to get that news. I won't even wait in lines at the grocery store with pregnant woman in them. That's terrible, isn't it? Take care of yourself. Thanks for commenting on my blog today!