Monday, January 18, 2010

Another Pregnancy Announcement at the MIL's

As if my week wasn't bad enough, our sunday dinner at the MIL's 
started with "you know, your cousin Angela is pregnant, 3 months, 
they were married a year after you, what is taking so long?"

I really should have responses to these announcements stored up 
in my brain, but I don't. I just smile and nod even though deep down I 
want to YELL "I know you really want MORE grandbabies, but for the
love of all that is holy, LEAVE ME ALONE" which would no doubt 
come out sounding more like a blubbering mess of tears and snorts. 
I was dreading the day that this particular couple shared the news 
but truth be told, I knew it was coming. In fact, every time I go to the 
MIL's house I get to hear about another lovely wife who is about to 
bless her MIL with a grandbaby. I really love my mother in law, she 
is a really sweet lady, but I'm starting to resent going over for dinner. 

On the way home that night (after a few tears) I told my DH that 
it is time to tell them that we are having issues. He's agreed to tell 
his mother the next time she calls, but he is worried that she will 
end up blaming me. I know this will probably be the result, but to 
be honest I would rather her silent blame then her public questions. 

I am more worried that they will continue with the questions and
the announcements even though they know were having a hard time.
I really am not so sure how I will react if that was to happen, but I 
don't think it would end well. I guess I will have to cross that bridge 
when we get there but for now I feel confident in this decision. 


  1. I definitely hope it doesn't go down that way - whether directly or indirectly! I didn't want to tell my MIL especially since the 'problem' is allll mine. When I did, though, she hugged me and said she loved me and was just uber supportive. I hope your MIL follows suit!

  2. Hang in there! My MIL has always done the announcements too, and I just paste on the smile and say how lovely that is for them etc. No one has thankfully ever asked direct questions (and when someone does Mr usually tells them that we are working on it - seening as weève been married for 5 years most people do really but out). It is hard for the first few years, but, they actually stop asking after 2 years or more and just assume that you don't want kids (really hope you don't make the 2 year mark - yet alone the 5 year mark!).

    Maybe I am getting confused (totally possible) but I thought that the RE thought it was a male factor issue). I so hope your inlaws dont go down the blame road (because that will be when your husband has to step up and tell his parents to f off). IMO.

  3. That is such a hard situation! My in laws know there is a problem and that is it. We tried to tell them more at christmas and his brother interrupted and said can we talk about something else, this creeps me out! Thank you BIL! We have decided that from this point on this is all they need to know.

    I hope you are met with love and kindness, like it should be. Infertility is not your fault and anyone who wants to blame someone is just plain being unfair.

    I think that things will turn out really good for you and your MIL. Then the pressure will be off!

  4. Ouch.

    Your hubs definitely has to speak to his mother about your struggle. Mr. JB told his dad and brother so neither one of them asks any more. My mother, who has never been "officially" told is pretty insensitive especially since she went through IF with me!

    Sending you big, big hugs!

  5. My husband finally told my MIL to stop asking me about how things were going without my asking him to do so. It was awesome. I knew she was only asking because she cared (not because she was pushing for a grandchild) but it had gotten to the point where I just didn't want to talk about it with anyone other than my husband.

    So, my sympathies. Hopefully they will respect that you and your husband want to give them grandchildren, but that it's just not happening as easily as you had anticipated.

  6. UGH! UGH! UGH! I hate prying, personal questions like that. Why don't people think more before they speak?! You read my blog, so you know about my relationship with my MIL. I'd never in a million years tell her anything IF related. I sympathize with your situation. There is no easy way to navigate it. I'm sure if your DH tells them he won't let them blame you for it.

    Take care.

  7. I just found your blog and couldnt read any further without stopping by to give you a hug. I hope your MIL respects your privacy, however i'd get armed with some witty comeback lines just in case because in my opinion those on the outside of the IF journey are not good at receiving subtle hints. Somehow we need to find a way to not let them bug us, but I haven't figured that out yet either. Hope the week gets better for you soon.