Today

I am pissy today, I don't know why, I just am. I think it has a lot to do with starting 

back to work. Or maybe it has something to do with getting in a big fight with the 

hubby this morning, come to think of that may be the result of my pissyness. I can 

say that I'm happy to hear that I'm not crazy, honestly in my last post I thought I 

was revealing something that was going to get me committed. Turns out, I am just 

like everyone else on these IF blogs, so either we're all fine, or we're all crazy.

Ok, so lets start with work. My first day back was yesterday, and it started with a 

prenatal yoga class. Yup, jumping right back into the sea of baby bumps! Later that 

evening I taught my HypnoBirthing class, more baby bumps! Last nights class was 

special because I called in guest speakers, happy new parents and their itty bitty 

little newborn. I usually have couples come in and talk about their HypnoBirth on

the last day so the soon to be parents can hear a story from a real live couple 

(rather then the birth video's). For some reason though, this time was really hard

on me, I had to turn away as they talked about how amazing the experience was 

and how in love they are. 

Today I am off to help a client with her newborn for the afternoon, this babe was 

born early in Sept. and he's giving his Mommy a hard time, so off I go to hold the baby

so she gets a bit of a break. Shortly after that I will be teaching a prenatal Auqafit, my

favorite class, but on any given thursday there is nearly 25 pregnant woman in 

attendance. Tomorrow is more of the same thing, the next day too, it never ends.......

all day, everyday I am trying my best to swim in this sea of baby bumps, but today 

I'm finding it really hard to find the surface. 

Silly Thoughts or Premonitions?

It has been a week since my surgery, and I am feeling quite good. The worst part of it 

for me was the pain meds they wanted me to take. They made me very ill and I gave 

them up almost immediately. I'd far rather deal with the pain in my abdomen (which 

I would have never rated as anything more then a 4 or 5 out of 10) then the feeling

of being nauseous. 

Do I know how the surgery went? nope! I was sent out of the hospital as soon as i 

could pee, without even the slightest word on how things went. While I was waking

up from the anesthesia I heard a nurse tell me they found Endo and it has been 

removed. I am not sure if that was a dream or not, but I'll take any information I 

can get for now. 

Speaking of dreams, I am not sure if I have told the blog world about the twins yet. 

The twins are two little boys I talk about from time to time to help me come to terms 

with the Idea of IVF. To me, the only upside of having to do IVF is the possibility of 

having twins, I have always wanted twins. Even when I was a little girl I forced my dolls

to be twins, of course it was the 80's so their names always rhymed and ended with

a Y, but you live and learn. 

The twins I talk about these days are named Jonathan and Leo, I talk about them with 

my husband as if they are already here. "You know, when the twins are here we will 

need a bigger car", "I bet one of the twins will need glasses like you" ext. Oh yeah, did 

I mention, these twins are a figment of my imagination?

Lately, especially after the surgery I have been having really strong dreams and 

visions of these little ones. A feeling has even risen up in my whole being that makes 

me feel as if these boys are really just waiting for the right time to join our family. I 

am fully aware that this sounds crazy, but It's true. Perhaps I have talked about them

so much they have entered the subconscious part of my mind, and therefore my 

dreams, but I feel excited and happy when I think of them. 

Ok, feel free to comment on what a wacko I am, but also feel free to write and tell

me if you have ever had feelings like this. If you have had these feelings and moved on 

to have children, were your feelings right? If you have not gone on to have children just 

yet, do you have visions of the children you are waiting for? 

Post-Op

I am home from surgery. Now that all the nausea from the anesthetic has worn 

off I am not feeling too bad. I was feeling really sick & lightheaded most of yesterday 

but today I'm just a little sore where the incisions are. My throat hurts from where 

the breathing tube was, and my neck & shoulders are a bit tender, but overall I am 

feeling ok and am quite happy lazing out on the couch watching T.V. 

I can definitely say that the worst moment so far has been nearly puking in the 

hospital hallway with just those mesh hospital undies on (I was trying to make it to 

a garbage can) and then crying when I realized there was nothing to throw up. The 

best part so far has been the care I have been getting from my husband, that boy 

must really love me to have sat in the waiting room for 6 hours only to have me be 

completely incoherent when he was finally able to see me. He bought me 6 magazines, 

the 1st season of mad men, and made me a beautiful rice & lentil soup for dinner, a 

soup I could not even think of eating, but it looked good! 

My very bestest yoga friend came to pick us up after the surgery and brought us home, 

she stayed with me for most of the night and waited on me hand and foot. She would

NOT let me up for anything other then bathroom trips. All drinks, remotes, phones, 

drugs, were brought right to me when I even glanced in their general direction. 

She attempted to watch some of the Mad Men with me, but I don't think it is her

favorite show.....I forgot how down right mean the characters are to any human 

who is not a white male. OOPS! 

I have to say, I felt quite loved an pampered over the last few days (did I mention

another friend took me out for a pre-op spa day as well?). Yup, I'm thinking of doing 

this surgery thing more often! I really hope everything went well, I heard a nurse say 

that they found the Endo and it was excised but I will not hear more until I meet with 

the doctor. For now I'm going to try and take it easy and heal properly, do my best 

to relax and enjoy the few days I have off. 

Thank you all for the support you have given me over the last few weeks as I 

mentally prepared for the surgery!!

Decisions & Tips

So, I have decided to do the surgery next monday with Dr. Hate. I feel like a 

huge sell-out, but I really just want to move forward with everything. After the 

surgery is complete I will still be giving all my previous test records over to 

Dr. Love so that we can move forward with his diet/lifestyle modifications. 

Hopefully he will set us up on a track that works for us and we can move on 

to the next stage of the game. 

Thank you all so much for the advice, in return I have posted this link from 

my friends clinic. It's just a bunch of tips to help with PCOS, I know not 

everyone on these blogs has this disease but I think a lot of these tips could 

be helpful for anyone! 

Its Friday Morning....Guess who's NOT having surgery!....UPDATE.......

Thats right.....ME!!!

The surgeons office called me yesterday to say the Doctor Is "no longer available

for surgery". Gee, this wouldn't have anything to do with the long weekend would 

it? So After.............

- Waiting since February 

- Taking time off work in June/July for a surgery that never happened

- Finding out I'm having surgery 1 week before the date

- Rearranging my schedule and my clients schedules for the week following the 

surgery

- Missing work for my Pre-Op blood work and paperwork

- Finally overcoming my fear of surgery and getting excited to move forward

in my plans

............My surgery was cancelled, last minute, just like that! and for what? more

then likely so the Doctor can have a longer long weekend. Oh lord, I give up!

In the words of Adam Lambert "What do you want from me?"

The surgeons office moved the surgery for 2 weeks from now, 2 days before

some very important classes. I asked her if there is another day I could do because

it is extremely hard for me to change my schedule and she simply replied 

"If you can't do that day it goes to someone else and you go back on the waiting 

list". She was so very curt with me, and I can say that I would have expected a 

little more sympathy when completely screwing up someone's plans. 

So, here I am with another big decision. Part of me wants to drop this surgeon and 

the other clinic that referred me to her and start all over again with Dr. Love. BUT 

this option puts me back at the beginning, right back to square one. On the other 

hand though I don't want to reward anyone for bad behavior. I will eventually move

forward with everything and put a whole lot of money towards it, I want the recipient

of these profits to be someone who actually cares (or at least seems to care) about

me and my partner. 

Sigh :(

........UPDATE............

Just contacted Dr. Love's office, and although the secretary was extremely kind, she 

informed me that he is booked solid until the new year. She will not know until

at least December when the new Operating Room schedule will be. It looks like if

I choose to change to him for the surgery that I will not get in until, at earliest, 

FEBRUARY. I don't know If I can wait that long. I know that I have dealt with this

pain my whole life, but the pain paired with disappointment every month is 

really getting to me. I really want to move forward. What do I do?