for me was the pain meds they wanted me to take. They made me very ill and I gave
them up almost immediately. I'd far rather deal with the pain in my abdomen (which
I would have never rated as anything more then a 4 or 5 out of 10) then the feeling
of being nauseous.
Do I know how the surgery went? nope! I was sent out of the hospital as soon as i
could pee, without even the slightest word on how things went. While I was waking
up from the anesthesia I heard a nurse tell me they found Endo and it has been
removed. I am not sure if that was a dream or not, but I'll take any information I
can get for now.
Speaking of dreams, I am not sure if I have told the blog world about the twins yet.
The twins are two little boys I talk about from time to time to help me come to terms
with the Idea of IVF. To me, the only upside of having to do IVF is the possibility of
having twins, I have always wanted twins. Even when I was a little girl I forced my dolls
to be twins, of course it was the 80's so their names always rhymed and ended with
a Y, but you live and learn.
The twins I talk about these days are named Jonathan and Leo, I talk about them with
my husband as if they are already here. "You know, when the twins are here we will
need a bigger car", "I bet one of the twins will need glasses like you" ext. Oh yeah, did
I mention, these twins are a figment of my imagination?
Lately, especially after the surgery I have been having really strong dreams and
visions of these little ones. A feeling has even risen up in my whole being that makes
me feel as if these boys are really just waiting for the right time to join our family. I
am fully aware that this sounds crazy, but It's true. Perhaps I have talked about them
so much they have entered the subconscious part of my mind, and therefore my
dreams, but I feel excited and happy when I think of them.
Ok, feel free to comment on what a wacko I am, but also feel free to write and tell
me if you have ever had feelings like this. If you have had these feelings and moved on
to have children, were your feelings right? If you have not gone on to have children just
yet, do you have visions of the children you are waiting for?
Not wacko at all! I think it's the same as saying, "When the baby is here we'll need..." I like that yours are twins. A baby or future children never actually materialize in my dreams but I do imagine my future child often, it is usually a girl.
ReplyDeleteHope you continue to recover and you find out some results soon!
I read a post somewhere by a woman writing about the difference between her IF imaginary child and the one she ended up actually having, and how different they were. But at the same time, that the imaginary one was really important to have had.
ReplyDeleteYou aren't wacko! It's wonderful to dream and include this little kids in your life. I'm going to bet that if you have twins, you have two little girls though... just to throw a loop in your naming plans. :)
I hope you are healing well!
Yup, have had visions of my future kiddos as well. I really want three kids, but somehow have only ever had visions of two... Have "seen" myself at the daughter's wedding - she was beautiful.
ReplyDeleteIf you're a wacko, then I'm a wacko too. It took me a long time to come to terms with the fact that we will need treatment to start our family. All I've ever wanted was to be a mother, and I felt so hopeless that we would ever achieve that dream. When I finally got to a point where I could envision a future that included a family, it was a future with twins. and I started taking about them - the twins. It started as a kind of joke, but now, it is common language. My mom and sister know that I'm going to need their help when the twins arrive, I am building up favors with my bestie that she expects me to cash in when the twins arrive. I don't have names or genders, just this idea that there will be twins, and it gives me hope to continue down this path.
ReplyDeleteI love your post and I love your wacko-ness! much love - Foxy
I just lost my whole post, it's me, well you will know who I am once I'm done posting.
ReplyDeleteOkay, I am a HUGE HUGE believer in spirit babies. My spirit babies only came into our life once I accepted that surrogacy would be how they came into this world, as soon as we really accepted that, they came into our life, they were real, we talked about them, we talked to them, we brought them little representations (monkey and giraffe) so we would feel a little less crazy talking to them (ye know talking to stuffed animals is TOTALLY normal).
And as you know, those little spirit babies are with me now in their more human form (having a nap as I type). I love this post, I love hearing about this huge huge huge huge move forward.
Wow sounds like you're feeling good if you dont need the pain meds! that's great news.
PS - It's not just me, I have another friend who had a spirit baby/babies in her life for over a year before she got pregnant, and it was only once she accepted that she would be using donor eggs that her spirit babies showed up.
PSS - dont forget the vit e for the prevention of adhesions.
I talk to my first born all the time! I had really vivid dreams about her after my surgeries which was a real comfort at the time. I had visions of my children (two daughters) since I was in high school. If you're wacko then so am I!
ReplyDeleteBtw, have you been using castor oil packs. My naturopath had me do them after my surgeries and I loved them!
That's crazy that you don't know officially the outcome of the surgery. When I had mine in May, they didn't tell me, but they did tell my husband everything and he relayed the info. And then I saw the doctor about a week later and we went over everything. Plus they gave me pictures of the endo before and after.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I just wanted to tell you that me and my husband have been TTC for 4 1/2 years. We had the surgery in May where they found the Endo. We just found out last week that we are pregnant. I don't want you to get your hopes up, but the surgery obviously helped us!
As far as IVF...I have always thought the possibility of being twins would be great, too. Nothing wrong with that!
Just catching up...
ReplyDeleteFirst, so glad to hear you finally had that surgery, and are feeling better. That's good that they were able to remove some endo - hopefully, right?
And second, I think twins are the absolute best thing about doing any kind of treatments. I think about my future twins all the time. You're definitely not wacko!
Those little boys will be yours one day...
I gave up pain pills right away both times too... totally made me sick!
ReplyDeleteAnd I had a dream about twins a few months ago. I'm still holding out hope that that dream means that I will be having two little ones from this next FET.
I always envisioned having twin girls named Anna and Sofia. For as long as I can remember I knew I would have twin girls and those would be there names. They seemed so real to me and I took it as fact that they would one day exist. Sad to say that has not happened and now the reality is that it is very unlikely to happen. It's been tough letting that dream die a natural, yet slow and torturous death.
ReplyDeleteYou have Jonathan and Leo, we have Eden Elizabeth. We talk about her all the time. What she'll be like, whose features she will have, the things we can't wait to do with her. The funniest part is that we both have always said (pre-infertility) we want all boys, no girls, thank you very much. And then one day Eden settled her little spirit in us and we can't imagine any baby but her.
ReplyDeleteGlad to know I'm not wacko alone!
I didn't have any anticipated children, but I did dream several times during my pregnancy that my little girl was going to come early and she did, so who am I to call you wacko?
ReplyDeleteDon't think your wacko at all. I personally don't have dreams about my future son but wish I did. My Hubby and I always talk about our future son as if he is here with us now. We talk about him while grocery shopping (What found would be buy if we had Blake?), we talk about him at the mall (we would never buy him clothes from that store but of course we'd buy him clothes from this one), we talk about him driving by schools (he would be very brave on his first day), etc. If you're wacko than so am I.
ReplyDeleteMy next child is a girl, and her name is Neila, even though P will *never* agree to that (it's the name of a neighbouring village; it would kind of be like naming you kid Uxbridge). Anyway, she's great. And you're one of the first people to get to meet her.
ReplyDeleteIn my head I am having boy-girl twins or boy-boy twins. Girl-girl twins never come in my head. You're not wacko, as everyone has said. In my head, I record info about preschools, real estate, and strollers for my twins.
ReplyDelete"A feeling has even risen up in my whole being that makes me feel as if these boys are really just waiting for the right time to join our family"
ReplyDeleteYes.
I had a .. feeling? vision? dream? ... that a baby had wanted to come but was afraid. I "saw" ? a cliff and a boy was standing on the edge of the cliff and then stepped back from it. I "said" from the depths of my heart that I wanted him to come and I would take care of him. It was several months later that I found out I was pregnant.
She ended up being a girl, but I remember that moment, of wanting and almost ... cajoling.
I felt wacko too.