Friday, March 4, 2011

If I Die Young

I have had this post kinda swarming around in my head for about 4 months now, but
I just cant seem to get it out on this page. For those of you who have been following this
blog you know that back in August I was home for a holiday. You would also know that while
I was there my little cousin died in a car crash, just a few miles ahead of us on the highway.

At the time we had no idea who was in the crash ahead of us, the police just sent us on an
alternate route to our destination. Not thinking much of it, we arrived at another cousins Adam's house for a night of dinner and drinks. Around the table was my hubby and I, my cousin Adam and his brand new fiance who I was meeting for the first time. We were eating and gabbing and toastin' the good life when we got the call that our 18 year old cousin Shelby had died in the crash.

The next few days were obviously a blur of sadness, questions of why and tributes to the
memory of an absolutely amazing young woman. I still think of her everyday, but what I
cant seem to shake is the idea that she has had something to do with my good fortune of late.
In fact, both Adam's new fiance and I are expecting in August, exactly one year after
our little cousin passed away.

I know Adam and I were toasting the good life at one point during that night, and we really
meant it but both Adam and I had been going through some hard times. He had recently lost his
dad in a car crash and his previous fiance had died of brain cancer. I had lost my uncle (his dad, and my dads best friend) and my hubby and I were desperately trying for a baby. Adam and I had spent our whole lives on family vacations together and wanted nothing more then to grow up, become parents and pass these traditions on to our children, but it just didn't seem to be happening for us.

Now here both of us are, after all the hardship, expecting our children just a short 6 months
from now. I can't help but think that Shelby has had something to do with these little miracles, like she is up there in heaven making sure that her family is happy and complete without her.
Maybe this is her way of helping us through the loss, or her way of letting us know she is watching us. This may sound crazy, and I'm ok with that, because something miraculous must have happened for me to be where I am today, especially after 2 doctors said there was no hope for us short of IVF with ICSI.

I guess I will never know if she is up there watching over us, but I will choose to believe and
thank her endlessly for sending us such blessings. I miss her and I know my family will never be the same without her but I hope I can live my life in a way that makes her proud.

Everytime I hear this song it stops me in my tracks to think of her.


  1. This is lovely. Such a wonderful tribute. I like the idea that Shelby's is watching over you and your little baby.

  2. I definitely believe that it isn't a coincidence!

  3. I, like you, would love to believe it's Shelby helping a cousin out. This post was so beautiful, I love the tribute to Shelby. This would be a nice way to remember her, having a hand in the end of your IF struggles.