I still feel like I am.
Tomorrow marks the 1/2 way point of my pregnancy, and to tell you the truth that is
exactly how I feel, 1/2 way between two worlds. I still feel very much connected with the
IF community but I'm starting to have less to say on the topic, yet at the same time I am
no where near the confident, blubbling, glowing baby bumps that I see all around me. I
appear to be in some sort of pregnancy limbo, I am neither here nor there, just along for
the ride until fate determines where I belong.
I know better to complain about any pregnancy symptoms, that always made me crazy
when I was TTC. All I will say is that other then some mild back aches, fatigue and a
continuous stuffy nose I am feeling really good. I still get really nervous just before I
get to hear the baby's heart beat and I refused to believe I could feel movement until
my last appointment. I have been able to talk freely with others about my growing
belly, and I even sound excited about it (as opposed to scared out of my mind).
Thursday is my 20 week ultrasound, this is the big day I have been waiting for. I refused
the genetic testing at 12 weeks so I really have not seen the babe since my first ultrasound.
I also know very little about the baby's health so I am really REALLY hoping that everything looks good. We have decided to keep the sex of the baby a surprise so we will probably get
some backlash from the grandparents on the weekend, oh well.
So I guess while there are still some ups and downs I am feeling very good these days.
I have been able to calm down about the pregnancy and have been trying to find my new
reality. Life without charting, timed sex and treatments has been so amazing and yet very
strange and erie at the same time. I am grateful everyday for this new way of living but sometimes this calm can start to feel like the calm before the storm. I think after so much
bad news, were always waiting for the other shoe to drop so it becomes very difficult to let ourselves be happy when we can. It's something I work on everyday and I think I will
continue to do so.
What really matters is what is happening right now, and right now I am in a really good
place and all of my fingers are crossed that this will continue. Please if you have any thoughts/
prayers left on Thursday afternoon please send them my way!!
P.S. My nephew asked if my baby catches my food after I swallow :)
Sending lots of good thoughts your way! I think the way you're feeling is definitely normal for pregnancy after IF. It's a weird place to be! But, definitely a great place!
ReplyDeleteThat's funny about your nephew. When my mother was pregnant with me, my cousin was about 5 and he was disgusted when my mother was eating spaghetti. He kept telling her that it was going to get all over the baby! :)
It's good to hear from you once in a while.
ReplyDeleteGlad to hear things are going well.
You have the right to post whatever you want on your blog even if it is complaining.
Very well said! I could have written this post myself. It's a weird place to be.
ReplyDeleteCrossing my fingers for you Thursday. And yay for keeping the sex a surprise. We are doing the same thing.
Congrats on halfway!!
ReplyDeleteSuper congrats on the halfway mark--it's zipping by!!
ReplyDeleteTishi, I commend you for staying true to yourself and keeping your blog name and not changing it just because you have crossed to the other side. Although I am still ttcing does not mean that i cannot be happy for you or anyone else who becomes pregnant. Especially that you have also struggled just like how we are now and therefore you are an inspiration to all of us. Everyone obviously have different ways of reacting to someone else's happiness but as i always believe you have to continue to be who you are and never be worried about how others might percieve you. I am constantly checking my blog each and every day and I am very curious to see how you are doing and how your pregnancy is going. Please do not hesitant to complain about your pregnancy symptoms or share with us how happy you are just feeling & being pregnant.. Who knows maybe one day one of us or all of us will become pregnant and we will look back at your blog and say ...yeah, i remember tishi saying that ..and that is how i am feeling now..or maybe one day we will adopt a child and we would like to see how you are coping with parenthood....Being a parent can happen in many ways..i've learned a great deal through our meetup group--thanks to you..it has helped me open my eyes and heart to many other different options of becoming a parent. I hear all the great and hopeful news about your cousin and her adoption process (tell her i want to see her come out next time or sometime soon) You are almost there and you will see your baby very soon! Don't forget to bring him or her out to our meetup!!!! I'm counting on you to do so.
ReplyDeleteI definitely think you should talk about your pregnancy - this is your blog - your place to be honest about your feelings and what is going on in that body and mind of yours!
ReplyDeleteI'm so glad to hear that everything is going well. Congrats on getting 1/2 way through your pregnancy!!!
And good luck at the scan on Thursday - I'll be thinking of you!
Congratulations, you deserve to be happy and the 1/2 mark is very exciting :)
ReplyDeleteOh my gosh, your nephew is adorable :).
ReplyDeleteCongrats on the halfway mark! Can't wait to hear about the u/s!
I know I've said this before, but even the most desired pregnancies aren't all sunshine and roses. Be true to yourself whether you need to complain or rejoice.
ReplyDeleteA belated congratulations on making it 1/2 way and then some!