I still feel like I am.
Tomorrow marks the 1/2 way point of my pregnancy, and to tell you the truth that is
exactly how I feel, 1/2 way between two worlds. I still feel very much connected with the
IF community but I'm starting to have less to say on the topic, yet at the same time I am
no where near the confident, blubbling, glowing baby bumps that I see all around me. I
appear to be in some sort of pregnancy limbo, I am neither here nor there, just along for
the ride until fate determines where I belong.
I know better to complain about any pregnancy symptoms, that always made me crazy
when I was TTC. All I will say is that other then some mild back aches, fatigue and a
continuous stuffy nose I am feeling really good. I still get really nervous just before I
get to hear the baby's heart beat and I refused to believe I could feel movement until
my last appointment. I have been able to talk freely with others about my growing
belly, and I even sound excited about it (as opposed to scared out of my mind).
Thursday is my 20 week ultrasound, this is the big day I have been waiting for. I refused
the genetic testing at 12 weeks so I really have not seen the babe since my first ultrasound.
I also know very little about the baby's health so I am really REALLY hoping that everything looks good. We have decided to keep the sex of the baby a surprise so we will probably get
some backlash from the grandparents on the weekend, oh well.
So I guess while there are still some ups and downs I am feeling very good these days.
I have been able to calm down about the pregnancy and have been trying to find my new
reality. Life without charting, timed sex and treatments has been so amazing and yet very
strange and erie at the same time. I am grateful everyday for this new way of living but sometimes this calm can start to feel like the calm before the storm. I think after so much
bad news, were always waiting for the other shoe to drop so it becomes very difficult to let ourselves be happy when we can. It's something I work on everyday and I think I will
continue to do so.
What really matters is what is happening right now, and right now I am in a really good
place and all of my fingers are crossed that this will continue. Please if you have any thoughts/
prayers left on Thursday afternoon please send them my way!!
P.S. My nephew asked if my baby catches my food after I swallow :)