Gullible?

Today was an AMAZING DAY....I think! To me, it was the first time 

in a LONG time that I have felt at peace with myself and those around 

me. Today was the first day of the Yoga Conference, a weekend long 

conference of all things YOGA, which I love. Today was all about 

learning how to heal your body through the Chakra's. I listened to 

every sentence, word, syllable that came out of that teachers mouth, 

especially when she talked about the 2nd Chakra, the channel that 

governs fertility. Of course they all work together, but it was SO nice 

to hear that I could possibly heal MYSELF!! I remember I used to 

believe this, but after all the R.E. appointments and tests ext. I forgot 

that we have this type of power!

Of course I am not silly enough to think that I can fix everything by 

chanting VUMMMM all day long when there is a medical reason for 

our issues, but I believe it can help. Everything just seemed to become

so clear the more she talked, of course blockages can come up in your

body when you ignore somethings and focus on others! One thing I 

found of particular importance is that this Chakra relies heavily on 

community, and in our society community has all but been lost. This

could be the reason for the growing number of menstrual/fertility 

issues. Perhaps this is why we have this urge to blog? I know myself

all of my family lives away, my friends too...I have very few close 

friends in this big city!

This chakra also needs creative arts to thrive, she suggested singing

making art ext. to feed this channel. She even suggested writing a 

love letter to yourself, which I can only see as being VERY hard, but

perhaps healing? Perhaps this will be my next post? If I am brave

enough?

Anyway, if you don't think I'm gullible enough yet, it gets worse. 

Immediately after this lecture I went RIGHT to the psychic that 

was down stairs at the conference trade show. I can never resist 

a psychic, especially when I'm feeling slightly optimistic. I probably 

should have quit while I was ahead though cause he really freaked 

me out. 

The very VERY first thing he said to me, before I even said my name 

was "why are you not a mother yet?".....................after about 15 min. 

of crying I finally answered "because I can't be one". He let me know

that I will be a mother and a really good mother, but the problem is

I will never feel complete until I am a mother. He said there may be

a breakthrough in our "treatment" by July and "good news" by 

November. One other freaky thing, he said I am a year passed the time 

I was meant to be a mother!

Now here is a secret, one that I have told NO ONE, only my hubby 

and I know. 2 Christmas's ago I was late for my period, I am 

never late, but there I was 2 weeks late, we thought for sure I was 

pregnant. When AF came It was heavier and more painful then 

ever, we have both always suspected a miscarriage but I never did 

follow up with a doctor. I really did not want to think/talk about it 

again, so I did not, not ever......until today. Perhaps I am one year 

passed the time I was meant to be a mother?

Ok, enough of that, I must just watch TV and veg. for the rest of the 

night. You will be happy to know though, that I will make lots of 

money in my lifetime ;)

Second Opinion

DH and I went to an introductory session at a  Catholic Family Center 

to learn more about NaPro Technology. I had been really excited to 

visit the center as I had heard so much about it, but I think I may have 

made a mistake by attending the introductory session. I spent nearly

an hour an a half learning how to "chart" my cycle, as if I hadn't been 

doing that for the last 2 years!

The session was geared towards those who were trying to have a baby

and those who are also trying to not get pregnant. Clearly this was

not a session for those who have been trying for quite a while. After 

hearing how EASY it is to get pregnant for the 20th time I decided 

to tune out and go to my happy place. I found this session nothing but

frustrating and I am really wondering whether or not this was the 

right place for us. 

We both really want a second opinion from someone, ANYONE that

will not push IVF on us, and we really thought this was it, as they do

not believe in IVF. I am going to think about a follow up session with 

a NaPro practitioner, perhaps we will feel better talking to them 

on a one on one basis. On the plus side my DH learned a lot about 

cervical mucus and the importance of charting. Ever since our R.E.

told him that charting was useless he thought I was wasting my time, 

but he thinks its great now!

In other news, I have been sticking with my new years resolutions 

and going to spin 3 times a week (I know my resolution was 4 times, 

but I'm doing my best). Is it bad that during "hill climbs" I can go 

faster if I picture myself passing groups of pregnant woman?

Yoga Classes up for Auction!!!

Hey Everyone, 

I just wanted to let you know that I have donated 2 private yoga classes

to a good cause. As some of you may know, Bonnie of "I can Haz Bebe?"

is raising money for her adoption and has started an Auction. If you would

like to help them out, and win some yoga classes in the process please

check it out here!

I hope you win!

Just My Luck

AF arrived, I'm done getting upset about it, but that doesn't mean I'm 

finished reeling around in pain every time it happens. Last night I was 

up ALL night with cramps, they didn't go away until about 7am. At this

point I finally fell asleep, only to be woken up at 8am by my cell phone. 

It was my sister in law calling to let me know our cousin had a baby 

through the night. REALLY? WHAT? First of all, who calls someone 

at 8am? and second, who calls someone who can't have a baby to tell 

them that someone else can? That phone call coming after a night of 

pure hell tummy cramps, well, thats just my dumb luck!

a sperm analysis, a trip, and a winning ticket!

In a nutshell that is what I have been doing over the last few weeks. 

I finally wrangled the results of my hubby's S/A from my R.E. and it 

looks like nothing has changed. Well thats not exactly true, although

the counts are the same, the fragmentation is the same, but abnormal

morphology has gone from 80% to 75%. Although that is a difference

it was not enough to convince my DH that 4 months of clean livin'

has made a lick of difference. 

We told the R.E that we would like to continue with the vitamins and 

try again in 3 months. I've also agreed to meet the surgeon to talk about 

the laproscopy. I'm not sure if this is a good decision, but perhaps it will 

help with conception if Hubby's count continues to get better or give us 

a better chance with IVF. Our R.E. described endo as the Pac Man game, 

like endo is packman and my eggs are the little dots Pac Man eats. I 

know this is not exactly the case, but it scared me :(

Last weekend I visited my sister & nephew in Montreal. We had SO 

much fun, my nephew is sincerely the cutest kid in the world but he

makes my ovaries ache. I called my husband two times to say that I

give up and I want to do IVF ASAP (of course I know this is completely

irrational). 

My sister and I also had a really fun time, it had been ages

since we had been able to "hang out" without our parents there too.

On the last night I was there we went out for WAY too many drinks and 

about 1/2 way though the night I decided reenacted what its like to be 

childless. I made her play the part of me, and I played the part of every 

other woman in my life. It was quite funny and kinda healing to act like 

an insensitive fertile for a little bit. You should try it!!!

While I was away I also won a prize. If any of you have been following

Bonnie & Kyle's Adoption Blog you would have seen that I won the very 

first auction they had!! I was so excited all day you would have though 

I won a trip to Hawaii. I really felt like I won BIG though, what did I

win? custom made cards by Kristen's Kreations. I had this big idea that 

if I won the cards I would ask for birthday cards I could send to my 

clients on their baby's first birthday. All I did was send her my company 

logo and she "kreated" the most beautiful, creative birthday cards I 

have ever seen! 

Thats about it for my update, I have been very busy working on a new

company design. I can not wait to reveal it to you all as soon as it's

finished. And although I haven't been writing as much I have been 

reading everyday!!!