Monday, December 6, 2010

Dreams and Symptoms

The night before I had to do my first beta test I had a very clear dream about peeing 
on a stick and seeing two lines. The dream was so real that it reassured me as I 
waited the 7 hours to hear the results. I couldn't believe that somewhere deep in 
my subconscious I knew it would be positive, even though in my conscious mind
I was freakin out. 

On the days since the positive test I have been having a few symptoms, but I would
really love to have more. I want to wake up every morning throwing up, but I 
actually just wake up slightly nauseous. I want my boobs to be huge and sore, but
they are actually just normal size with slight tenderness. 

Last night I had another dream, this one was not a good one. I had a dream that 
I kept begging the woman at the clinic to retest my blood because I just knew that
things were going wrong. When they finally did test, it showed that the pregnancy
hormones had all but disappeared. 

I woke up terribly frightened, sure that my subconscious was trying to tell me
something again. What is worse is that I also woke up with no more symptoms at all, 
not a tender breast or a wave of nausea. I ended up worrying for the whole day until 
finally my cousin-in-law told me to go get a pregnancy to see if everything is ok. 
Fancy idea right? I had actually not done that at all.

Good news is, there were two lines....Great news actually. I think I'm feeling a 
little better about everything. Maybe I just needed to see the positive for myself, 
hearing I'm pregnant over the phone may have been a little abstract. I really need 
to figure out a way to stop worrying though. 


  1. Yay - two lines! Maybe when you see that heartbeat it will be better, but I don't know. Hopefully your worries will get better soon!

  2. Ugh, I hate when our dreams mess with us like that! It's definitely natural to have some anxiety about being pregnant - and as my acupuncturist would say, you shouldn't bury that anxiety away where your subconscious will torture you with it. Better to acknowledge the fear, address it, and then send it away. Ha, easier said than done of course... Still, glad the hpt helped out :).

  3. I wonder when infertiles actually finally believe they are preggo? Is it when the baby is born? How does one calm a mind of us pesky infertiles?

    Hang in there!!

  4. Why must the dreams and symptoms mess with our fragile psyches so much?! I really don't think the worry ever ends, it's just a matter of managing it as best we can. You'll be ok, and we will help you get through it. :) xoxoxoxoxox

  5. Okay, so I wrote my "boo hoo" pessimistic post today and then I read yours. I'm so glad there is still hope for me, even if I don't have any pregnancy symptoms yet. It still could be the one...thanks for helping me to get out of my funk.

  6. I am afraid that it will be impossible to stop worrying, but one thing to keep in mind is that, at least for me, my pregnancy symptoms were mild and definitely not constant. Some days I didn't feel pregnant at all, even into my second trimester. It is really only since I hit about 18 weeks that I feel pregnant all the time.

  7. What a terrible way to wake up. I like Callmemama's advice about acknowledging these fears and anxieties before trying to send them away. I like to separate my anxieties into those based in reality and those that are in my head - like if my puppy is sick then it is okay to worry about it, but if my puppy is fine then I acknowledge that the worry is not based in reality. The other separation I try to make is if it is something that I can control or not. In you case, you are clearly anxious about this, but you can't control it. oh sweetie.

    Do you have a Circle Bloom Cd that you can listen to?

    Hey! Congratulations Tishi! Guess who is pregnant!!!! WHooooo Hoooo!

  8. I am just soooo happy for you. Congrats!!!

    Worrying is a part of being pregnant. I used to believe that I was worried because I had a loss. But that is not true, first-time pregnant fertiles are also worried all the time. So in a sense what you are going through is perfectly normal. At the beginning you poas everyday and tell yourself that it will pass once you see the hb. It doesn't. You wait for the next u/s and tell yourself that it will pass once you see him or her move. It doesn't. So I guess worrying is a symptom of pregnancy, maybe.

  9. So sorry about the horrible dreams, gotta hate that, and if you are in a panic you could always ask to do a blood draw(to test progesterone levels), just for your peace of mind, not that you need to do it, but, I could not imagine having all that time without any kind of testing, and it's not like it will hurt to have another blood test.

  10. Symptoms came and went for me all through first trimester, and every time they disappeared I FREAKED out!!

    I wish I had a magic trick to make the days go by faster and relax about the pregnancy... but I don't. Just take one day at a time and enjoy having a tiny life growing inside you - that's all you can do really :)


  11. congrats again! double lines on a pregnancy stick test! woo hooo, don't worry you are FINE, that preg test is very accurate and especially when you had 2 positive blood test! woo hoo again!
    You are an inspiration, i actually re-read some of you past blogs and about the "acupuncture" both you and hubby went for previously and it continued to inspire to keep moving forward in my own journey! Keep the happy thoughts going!
    Unrelated question: you know the fertility yoga you are doing in Jan, when is the deadline to sign up??

  12. If you need a comparison: I didn't really have any symptoms until 6 weeks when The Morning Sickness hit. (FYI: Throwing up is SO overrated.) My breast soreness disappeared pretty quickly also, though they were never terribly painful to begin with.

    I don't think the worry ever really disappears, it just shifts from one concern to the next. The trick is to learn to live with it and not let it take over your life.

  13. I wish I had an answer for you. I feel like us poor IFers live blood test to blood test, ultrasound to ultrasound. Every pee stick means we are pregnant "for now."
    I will tell you what I plan to try to do when I get my BFP (this is not a tested method but I am planning ahead)
    I would say try to live in the moment and say to yourself "I am pregnant." And give that baby all the love that you can because your baby is alive. And while you may want to hold back for your own sake, let go for your child, for having come this far.

  14. Welcome to the worrying madness! Pet, it won't go away, it'll just change shape and you'll worry about something else. I also had dreams so vivid (including positive HPT when I was pregnant) that I started almost believing all of them. even the bad ones (which weren't true thank God!!). You'll see the heartbeat soon and that will reassure you a lot. Until the next worry comes along! Love, Fran

  15. They are all so right. I really, really struggled with the worry for a long time and I wish you wouldn't have to, but it may very well be par for the course. That said - SO thrilled to read your good news!