A Day of Letting Go

Today was really hard (and amazing) for me in many ways, on the one hand I am 

thrilled to finally be pregnant, but on the other hand I am both scared to loose and 

guilty that I am on the other side while others still wait. My head swirls constantly

with conflicting information and feelings, happy, guilty, excitement, fear, pride and

anything else my brain can come up with. 

Tonight my fertility support group met for our Christmas Party, I was worried all 

week about how to tell them, and how they would take it. In fact, the second thing I 

thought about after getting the BFP is what would happen with the group. I thought 

for sure I would have to give it up, or at least have someone take over. I have always 

felt that this blog and that group were the two things that kept me going all this time, 

and I was terrified to loose it. 

Of course, I received nothing but blessings, happiness and grace from those amazing 

woman, and they insisted that I stay in the group.....they even want to throw me a 

shower! I can't tell you how relieved I was, I can't imagine going through this without 

them, I know for sure fertility issues do not disappear with a BFP and I really need 

their support. 

In other news, I am continuing my education in Hypnosis so that some day soon I 

can begin to work with fertility as well as birth. Today in class we needed to create

a script for something that is a "stressor" in our lives. I asked the teacher if we needed

to read them out loud or if they were private and just for our own learning. He said they

were private, but when he read mine he insisted I read it in front of the class. 

As I started reading the script my voice started to shake, which turned into full on tears

by the time I got to the end. I realized this was the first time I allowed myself to announce

my pregnancy, acknowledge my fears, and realize that I felt undeserving of such happy 

news, and all in front of 16 strangers. Here is the script, may it help any of you who are 

also going through this:

"You know without a doubt that you are growing a strong, healthy baby. You feel so 

happy to nourish and grow this tiny being everyday. You allow yourself to enjoy this time 

with your baby, to protect your baby, and prepare for their arrival.

The next time you feel worried about your baby, you are reminded of how deserving

and capable you are to grow a strong and healthy baby"