Friday, June 25, 2010

Got Hope?

There was a woman today in my class wearing a shirt that said "Got Hope?" and the first 
thing I thought was "NOPE". I'm really not sure how my brain came to that conclusion so quickly after reading those words, but it did. I really thought I was more of an optimistic 
about all this, but subconsciously I must be feeling a bit hopeless. Perhaps it was because 
I was just about to teach a class, I always feel a little down on myself JUST before I teach 
a yoga class to 15 mothers, their 15 cute little babies, and their 150 adorable little toes!

Moving on......I would just like to say how grateful I am for all your comments on my 
last posting. I felt much better after reading them and am looking forward to my mother
learning more about the path were on. She really should not have been surprised by my
announcement, she knows that ALL I want to do is have billions of babies. Did she really
think I was just sitting here twiddling my thumbs for 2 years? 

The good news is that my mother will be arriving here in Toronto on Monday, so perhaps
we will talk a little bit more about the situation so that she can be more understanding.  
My father, my sister, my 3 year old nephew and my old neighbor (like a sister to me) 
will also be coming for a 3 day visit. We will be heading to the Zoo, Canada's Wonderland, Center Island, and I am sure 1 billion other Toronto Tourist attractions before they leave. 
It's always exhausting when they visit, but I am always happy as a pig in...............well you
know the rest. 

While most of the family will be heading back home on Friday my sister will be staying 
behind for a conference, leaving her son in my care during the day. I have a whole week of activities planned with him, most of which involve my girlfriends that have 3 year old 
of their own. I very rerely get to see them because they have graduation to family land, but 
it will be nice for us all to be together again. And YES I DO understand how very pathetic 
it is that I have to borrow my little sisters son to fit in with other woman my age. 

On a side note, my hubby and I went to NY city over the weekend with 2 friends of ours, 
it was THE MOST FUN I have had in a VERY long time.........I LOVE NY!!!! I will post 
about it as soon as I get the pictures downloaded :)


  1. Huh, I can't say how I would react to a message like that... Hope is a really big word in the world of infertility. It has taken me nearly a year to come to a place where I feel glimmers of hope. Until now, I felt hopeless. I kind of wonder what her story was - that lady with the shirt? It sounds like you kept your cool and maintained your composure, which tells me that you just might have some hope of your own, my friend :) regardless of the words that popped into your head at that moment.

    Good luck with your family!

  2. Hope you have a great visit with your family, and that the talk with your mom goes well!

  3. I bought a shirt at the yoga show that has the word "hope" written on the bottom, right where my left ovary should be. I wore the shirt to school yesterday and I thought to myself, "Now you just to have some hope."

    It's tough to be hopeful, particularly when faced with so much fertility, but somehow we have to slog through it.

    Best of luck with your family, I live in the same city as my family and I can only take them in small doses!!!!

  4. Good luck with your family, and have fun with your nephew!

    BTW: I don't think it's pathetic - I think you are lucky to have a nephew you enjoy spending time with and friends with whom you can spend time with with him.

  5. I hope your week with your family is as much fun as you describe it. Enjoy speding time with your nephew and your girlfriends.. I am sure he cannot wait to spend some time with his autie!!

  6. To me hope comes with planning. If I have a plan I can move forward and feel hopeful. If I don't have a plan..well, it means I'm not in the mood for planning as I have no hope any plan will ever work. But planning is great.

    And about the last bit you wrote. i don't really think you believe you are pathetic for minding your nephew do you? That's ridiculous! Love, Fran

  7. It is nice to spend time with family but I know how exhausting it is! New York city is FANTASTIC!
    can't wait to see your pictures!

  8. Emily Dickinson wrote that: "Hope is a thing with feathers that perches in the soul, and sings a tune without the words and never stops at all." Well, Miss Dickinson, hope IS a think with feathers, which allows it to fly off at the mere mention of an IUI. I, like you, have had to chase down my hope many a time. But it always comes just takes the right person or particularly good day to make it so. Here's hoping that your hope flies back soon. :)

  9. We had a fabulous time with you guys in NY. It's been a while since we spent time together and I was saddened by the pain you carry. Every time we passed a stroller, saw a family or heard a baby giggle I wanted to cringe for you!!

    I think the message of hope is something you need to hang on to because your fight is not over. You are meant to be parents.

    It's not pathetic to "borrow" a child to "fit in" with friends that have kids. The fact that you want a family is probably the greatest bond we can share right now. I can understand that children may not be for everyone but I certainly can't relate to that.