So sorry!

I was reading through the blogs yesterday when I came across a post by 'built 

in birth control'. I have been following her for quite some time and I have to say my

heart broke when I read her words. A few years ago she lost her twin girls and now 

she has suffered yet again. Her twins Thomas and Bayli have gone to be with their 

sisters and I can not imagine this immeasurable loss. No one should have to suffer

this much, I am completely beside myself with shock that this could have happened. 

If you have never read her blog before, now would be a good time to drop buy and

post. 

Calming Down

Following the advice of all you beautiful ladies and some ladies here in the 'real world' 

I have decided to slow things down a little bit. I put in my notice at the fitness studio, 

which is bitter sweet 'cause I love my classes, but this will allow me more time to myself! 

June 17th will be my last day teaching fitness classes but I may begin to attend them 

as a participant instead, it will be fun to FINALLY be on the other side! 

I have only 2 birth clients left, one due now and the other in 2 weeks, once those little

ones are born I am officially off my out of home work. I will still have lots of desk work

to do for my company and some business meetings but that doesn't take too much of 

my energy. It's going to be weird (and finically draining) to be without pay for 2 months

before the baby is born, but with the type of work I do I really feel I had no other option. 

Like you ladies were saying, I needed to take the advice I would give my clients and I 

tell all my clients to take as much time off before the birth as possible. Besides, who 

knows if I will ever get this opportunity again, I really need to just enjoy this time, 

respect myself and pamper this active little one. 

In other news, we have been thinking of names. We had two names picked out when we

were convinced we were having twins but now that there is just one little bean I don't

really want to use one of them and not the other. My husband is greek so we need to use 

a name that can be baptized in the orthodox church (or at least translated to do so) but 

that has made things a bit more challenging. 

My husbands favorite name is Leonidas, which I find to be a bit 'too much' of a name, 

although I do really like the name Leo. We have both kinda agreed on Gabriel BUT 

whenever I bring it up to people they say it sounds like a girls name, but the nick 

name Gabe sound very strong to me and I REALLY don't think it sounds feminine at all. 

The 3rd option we have is Theodore, which I like only if shortened to Theo NOT Teddy 

but I'm not really convinced. So if anyone out there know of some really great greek 

names that can be easily translated or shortened to a fun canadian name I would love 

your input, or even some input on our top 3. Jonathan would be the middle name 

after my grandfather, the greek translation is Yanni. 

The girls name has already been chosen and will be revealed when she arrives, if she

is a she. We both agreed to this name, it translates well, so we locked it in!! 

Sore and a Bit Grumpy!

Last weekend was the "birth in special circumstances" conference that I have been 

planning all year. It all went off perfectly and I was SO happy to see that all our hard

work was not wasted, we had the legendary Pam England here as a guest speaker! 

I got to tell you though, spending 2 days listening to all that can go wrong in birth is NOT 

a good way to spend a weekend when your pregnant. Of course I know there are things

that can go wrong, I've seen it with my own eyes, but for the most part birth is a well 

oiled machine and works quite well. I work very VERY hard to keep a positive outlook

but the weekend made that quite difficult. All I can say is THANK GOD the conference

is done and I can finally start to concentrate on something else.....such as babe!

I am officially 30 weeks pregnant now, which is a huge milestone for me. I have been 

waiting for this point because I know as a doula I consider this 'GO' time for my clients, 

It's when we start planning the birth and attending our appointments. So I guess that means

its 'GO' time for me now too! The only problem is, even with this conference over I 

feel like I am so busy with work that I will never have enough time to get things ready. 

Yesterday I had a bit of a melt down, one of those irrational meltdowns you always 

hear about pregnant woman having. I have been having very bad hip pain over the last

few weeks/months but I have just been pushing through it, not sleeping, working 

though the pain and just making sure I get my work done. last night I was having a

particularly hard time but still, I had to teach a fitness class. About 1/2 hour before 

class I jumped in my car to drive to work and my car was dead, in a panic I jumped 

in a cab to get there. 

The cab driver took the LONGEST way possible and when the meter was up to $20 I 

finally said something (I was beginning to panic of the price of the cab, as it was nearing 

the price I get paid for teaching). The cab driver got VERY mad at me and yelled "You 

can get out here and walk if you like", and to that I began to cry "but I'm 8 months 

pregnant!!!". With the pain in my hips the thought of walking to class was unbearable, 

then getting to class and bouncing all over the place mixed with lack of sleep put me over 

the edge, I cried the whole way to class. 

When I finally got home I confessed to my husband that I am starting to feel very 

overwhelmed by trying to keep up with my work schedule. The truth is though, everyone

keeps saying to me "take it easy", "your pregnant, you need rest", but in the very same

breath they will add something to my task list. I am so grateful to be pregnant, and so 

careful not to complain that I have just been trying to power through but its become

too much. My business partners want me to "rest" but they still need someone to 

run the finances and fertility department, The prenatal fitness studio I work for wants 

me to "take it easy" but I still need to teach 2 classes a day, My husband wants me to 

"enjoy" my pregnancy, but expects a clean house and clean laundry. And that doesn't 

even include the overnights I spend with birth clients and my own fitness schedule. 

I'm having a really hard time allowing myself to say NO to people so I can finally rest

and get ready for baby. It is time in my schedule that I really did not allot for, even 

though its the most important thing to do. Maybe I'm just working my little buns off

to make as much money now before my 'mat leave' of which I get ZERO dollars because

I am self employed, or maybe I feel like if I stop moving I will start to worry about 

what is about to happen to me. I dunno, but whatever it is I NEED to start taking care

of myself and admitting that I need a little bit of help to get through the next 2 months!