planning all year. It all went off perfectly and I was SO happy to see that all our hard
work was not wasted, we had the legendary Pam England here as a guest speaker!
I got to tell you though, spending 2 days listening to all that can go wrong in birth is NOT
a good way to spend a weekend when your pregnant. Of course I know there are things
that can go wrong, I've seen it with my own eyes, but for the most part birth is a well
oiled machine and works quite well. I work very VERY hard to keep a positive outlook
but the weekend made that quite difficult. All I can say is THANK GOD the conference
is done and I can finally start to concentrate on something else.....such as babe!
I am officially 30 weeks pregnant now, which is a huge milestone for me. I have been
waiting for this point because I know as a doula I consider this 'GO' time for my clients,
It's when we start planning the birth and attending our appointments. So I guess that means
its 'GO' time for me now too! The only problem is, even with this conference over I
feel like I am so busy with work that I will never have enough time to get things ready.
Yesterday I had a bit of a melt down, one of those irrational meltdowns you always
hear about pregnant woman having. I have been having very bad hip pain over the last
few weeks/months but I have just been pushing through it, not sleeping, working
though the pain and just making sure I get my work done. last night I was having a
particularly hard time but still, I had to teach a fitness class. About 1/2 hour before
class I jumped in my car to drive to work and my car was dead, in a panic I jumped
in a cab to get there.
The cab driver took the LONGEST way possible and when the meter was up to $20 I
finally said something (I was beginning to panic of the price of the cab, as it was nearing
the price I get paid for teaching). The cab driver got VERY mad at me and yelled "You
can get out here and walk if you like", and to that I began to cry "but I'm 8 months
pregnant!!!". With the pain in my hips the thought of walking to class was unbearable,
then getting to class and bouncing all over the place mixed with lack of sleep put me over
the edge, I cried the whole way to class.
When I finally got home I confessed to my husband that I am starting to feel very
overwhelmed by trying to keep up with my work schedule. The truth is though, everyone
keeps saying to me "take it easy", "your pregnant, you need rest", but in the very same
breath they will add something to my task list. I am so grateful to be pregnant, and so
careful not to complain that I have just been trying to power through but its become
too much. My business partners want me to "rest" but they still need someone to
run the finances and fertility department, The prenatal fitness studio I work for wants
me to "take it easy" but I still need to teach 2 classes a day, My husband wants me to
"enjoy" my pregnancy, but expects a clean house and clean laundry. And that doesn't
even include the overnights I spend with birth clients and my own fitness schedule.
I'm having a really hard time allowing myself to say NO to people so I can finally rest
and get ready for baby. It is time in my schedule that I really did not allot for, even
though its the most important thing to do. Maybe I'm just working my little buns off
to make as much money now before my 'mat leave' of which I get ZERO dollars because
I am self employed, or maybe I feel like if I stop moving I will start to worry about
what is about to happen to me. I dunno, but whatever it is I NEED to start taking care
of myself and admitting that I need a little bit of help to get through the next 2 months!