Sunday, October 24, 2010

3 weeks - UPDATE

Its been 3 long weeks since my last posting, I wanted to write but there was way 
to much information swarming around in my head. I know that is when I SHOULD
be sitting down to write, but I could hardly sort it all out in my head let alone 
get it down on this page in readable manner. I still have not figured it all out, but I 
thought I would write please bear with me as I try to write out my 

The silence all started with a trip to the naturopath and a secret. I had all our tests
and surgery papers transferred to my natuopath who is also a very good friend of 
mine, I wanted to know exactly what she thought of our chances of getting pregnant
naturally. I figured she'd say there was not much hope, which she did, but what I 
didn't expect is her thoughts on IVF. She thought that with our poor count and 
morphology that even IVF would be a gamble for us. She was the first of all our 
doctors to say that IVF may not even be a possibility, and I was stunned silent to 
hear this news. 

I didn't say anything to anyone for a long time, not even my husband who has 
always thought of IVF as our safety net, what we would do if nothing else worked. 
So everyday I thought about the idea of sperm donation and adoption while he 
continued to take his vitamins, exercise, do acupuncture and refuse coffee & 
alcohol. He has been working so hard to improve his SA, but after two long years 
nothing seems to have made a difference. 

Finally, after two weeks I had to spill the beans, but I decided to take the easy way 
out. I contacted Dr. Love and booked a new appointment. I sent hubs for another 
S/A, transfered my files to his office. I figured that if the SA turned out to be another 
bit of bad news at least it would be Dr. Love telling him and not me.

So how did it go? just as I thought, not much has changed (well there is 1 million
more sperm, thats good right?) and he too has very little hope for us. I tried to find 
out what he thinks our next step should be but he just kept saying that we need to 
change our lifestyles. WHAT THE?!?! I need to change my lifestyle MORE? I don't 
drink, I eat only organic food, I teach yoga for a living, I exercise everyday.....
WHAT MORE DO I NEED TO DO?!?! I have to admit, I started to cry when he said that,
not like little tears running down my face cry, but the snotty ugly face cry that produces 
no noise. I really am at a loss here as to how to "change my lifestyle" further. 

I think after my little breakdown Dr. Love felt a bad and suggested we try an IUI, 
which no one has EVER suggested before. I told him that our last RE said that there
was no chance for IUI. He said that they are not supposed to recommend anything 
with a less then 20% chance of working, so IUI was never on the table for us. He said
if we were comfortable moving forward with a procedure that only has a 10% chance 
of working then we are welcome to. He said he has seen it happen before with 
couples that have worse test results then us.

So now here we are, do we do the sperm wash/IUI? do I go through all the clomid
and injections with only a 10% chance of success, do we spend the money? Just Last 
week I had a party at my condo on my clients due date, knowing that only 5% of 
woman give birth on their due date. Well, guess who was not in attendance at her
own party?....ME! That's right, there was only a 5% chance she would give birth that
day and she did. 10% doesn't seem so bad to me suddenly, and besides, normal 
couples only have 20-25% chance each month and they all seem to get pregnant the
first time they try. 

We are going to continue working towards keeping the endo at bay and improving
the SA, but we may just give this a shot. We will also contact the macrobiotic chef
that Dr. Love suggested and add some Qi Gong to our meditation 2x a day. My 
husband thinks we should just do IVF and get on with our lives, and I am sure this
is a smarter Idea, but I am just not ready yet. 


Like I thought, I was not really able to explain what happened properly, but I will 
try again. The reason why they think the IVF could be risky is because of the large
amount of damaged sperm. I expressed my worry about forcing a damaged sperm
into an egg and creating a life, and they said there is a possibility that if there was 
a baby it could have some issues. They let me know that genetic testing is always a
possibility, but the idea of that scares me too. Both doctors believe IVF is our best
shot, but it's me that thinks the risks are too scary right now. The suggestion for IUI
came from this fear, Dr. Love knows the chances are low, but at least if it was to work 
there would still be the element of "survival of the fittest".  Maybe I am just being 


  1. We did an iui a long time ago and even though it didn't work, it was a good stepping stone to a.r.t. It made ivf much eaiser and 10 percent is a good shot! I thought for some reason that iui was covered in this province? The chi kung really does work! And get the hop chicks guide to macrobiotic from the library, yummy!

  2. Those 10% are individuals that took the lousy odds and won the jackpot. If it helps you to slowly move in the ART direction it might be a good place to start. And I don't mean to sound harsh but the naturopath does not sound well informed when it comes to IVF as pregnancy can be achieved with a single sperm with the help of ICSI. Sending lots of hugs your way!!

  3. Tishi I'm not sure I got it right. Both your naturpath friend and the doctor said IVF would give you little chance (do they mean ICSI too??) and then the doctor goes on and suggest an IUI? Petal sorry to be frank but to me this doesn't really make much sense. Quoting Circus Princess in full here too. Our diagnosis was also a big no no for IUI (and I think Mike's SA was a bit better) yet I did it anyway as I couldn't bear the idea of going straight into IVF with ICSI. It didn't work for us but the chances we were given were like 1% while our clinic states that for couples with no issues IUI has a success rate of 15% overall (a bit higher with donor superduper sperm) so again I'm not sure how your doctor gets to 20%. You are in my thoughts and even though now it seems impossible, I think you have great chances of getting pregnant one way or another. Love, Fran

  4. If you're not ready, then you're not ready.

    I am also surprised that your doctor is recommending IUI. Would you be able to get another opinion? I'm so confused for you!

    Regardless of what you decide, I'm here to support you.

  5. Wow. What a grim diagnosis from the doc.

    This all costs so much money. I'm of the mindset to just go for it. At least that what we are trying here. Ultimately you need to just follow your instinct.


  6. I say go for it! If not IVF, then IUI. And I agree with the comments above from Fran and Circus Princess - it seems very odd that IVF wouldn't work for you - all you need is one sperm for ICSI, and if your husband's count increased by 1 million, then you're golden - right? Granted I'm not a doctor, but it seems like IVF, or even IUI, is worth a chance. And if he's quoting you stats like 10% for IUI, it definitely sounds like you got a shot!

  7. You sound overwhelmed by this decision. I'm so sorry you got such grim news. It is alot of information to take in and process all at once. Maybe IUI is the first step and then on to other options if it doesn't work. Hopefully your dr can take you one step at a time so it is not so confusing. I'll be thinking of you.

  8. I know exactly what you mean - we've got morphology issues too, even though count and motility were great. It may have something to do with Hubby's Army time and all the nasty chemicals and xrays he was around all the time...
    Anyway, it's true - if you have to help the sperm fertilize the egg, is it a healthy sperm to start with? That doesn't mean you can't get a healthy baby from IVF/ICSI, but yes, there could be genetic issues (like the baby could have infertility or other health issues that don't show up for 20 years). I think you and I have a lot of the same concerns about IVF, so I can understand how your mind is working here (I think anyway, tell me if I'm way off).
    The problem is, no one knows where the problem lies in our bodies. Is it with the egg releasing from the ovary? Are the tubes not carrying the egg toward the uterus? Is the sperm not swimming the right way or not able to fertilize the egg? Are you getting a fertilized embryo every month and then your uterine lining is not allowing implantation? Or any number of other things that could be going wrong. The doctors can't pinpoint this, which sucks, because that would sure make our decisions easier!
    It's understandable to have such a hard time figuring it all out, but hopefully a decision will become clearer to you that both you and your hubby will be happy with.