This is my first post, please bare with me as I learn the lingo used
in these TTC blogs. I have been reading several blogs over the last few
months but have never felt the need to post until now. I kept thinking
(beyond reason) that I shouldn't post because I will probably get
pregnant next month.
Well I never did and each month it gets harder, so now I think it's time.
It's time I put myself out there, talk to others who know how I feel,
who know that the reaction to the arrival of my AF is not "over dramatic"
I want to be able to talk to those who at least know not to say
"If you would just relax it will happen" or "just go down south,
thats how my cousins, aunts friend got pregnant"
or my personal favorite "I really hope this baby is a girl, I don't want to
have to keep trying for one" (yes someone did say that to me, shortly
after I told them about my first appointment with my R.E.
So, what brought me to post now? after 14 months, well it was in fact, my
first appointment with an R.E. a few days ago. Right after the appointment
I still did not post, I had heard stories of those who miraculously found
out they were pregnant just after this appointment, so of course, I hoped
this would happen to me. Today though, it is clear that this is not the story
I will be telling my children or grandchildren, today my AF is here. Looks
like all the tests the R.E. had asked for us to do over the next 5 weeks are
still going to happen. There will be poking and prodding, there was no
So here I am, blogging, I feel like i can no longer burden the happy
people of the world with my monthly AF depression, instead I will turn to
my computer for the thoughts and prayers of perfect strangers, ones I hope
will one day be friends. I look forward to writing more, but for now I have
to leave for work, teaching fitness to pregnant woman and their cute little
baby bumps. Somedays, like today, it is really hard to smile through that
class. Although I love all the woman in my class, and adore their little bumps,
its hard for me to feel the twisting pain in my stomach as they giggle about
the movements and hiccups going on in theirs. I guess I will write more
about this in my next post, but for now I will just say that somedays being
a prenatal fitness instructor, doula & childbirth educator is the best job on earth....
but not today. Today it will be hard to try and swim in the sea of their baby bumps